Killer Blog from CyberSpace: Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan

I fondly recall going to the theater with friends to watch serial killer/monster/zombie Jason Voorhees stick pitchforks through campers at good ol' Crystal Lake. It didn't matter how many years of bloody, gruesome murders occurred at the lakeside camp - the teens just kept on coming. Apparently Jason got bored with the whole camping scene and wanted to see what the Big Apple was all about. Ah, Chrystal Lake - what has become of thee?


I stopped watching the Friday the 13th movies after number seven, The New Blood. I'm not sure why I didn't move on to number eight, but it was most likely knowing that the backdrop was going to be New York. In any case, I felt it was time to carry on and at least see if I was missing out. If anything, I'd be taking one for the team.

In case you don't remember, Jason died (I put that lightly, of course) at the end of The New Blood when he was dragged underwater by a (formerly) dead guy. I remember wondering what happened to Jason after that guy dragged him away - apparently, he submerged Jason under an old dock. Jason can come back from a machete to the head, but he's no match for a couple of two-by-fours.

In Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan, Jason once again comes back from the dead to kill people, especially teens. He's brought to life when an anchor catches on an underwater power line (mmm hmm, those are often found in lakes), sending that oh-so life-giving electricity into his body.

A couple of killings later and Jason's luck is better than we thought. He hitches a ride on a now unoccupied houseboat, and somehow either Crystal Lake has currents that bring boats right out into the ocean, or Jason's been brushing up on his seamanship. Here is where he sneaks aboard a high school graduation cruise to New York City, where there are plenty more fresh teens to slaughter.

There must be a hard-coded formula these writers have to follow for character traits. You must always have a reckless rocker chick/guy, a lovestruck nerd who we're supposed to think will never be killed off because he's just so nice, a dumb jock, a bitchy girl and her peon(s), a couple of "I told you so" old people and of course, the hero girl/guy and his/her love interest. It's also crucial that you have at least two scenes where an obvious weapon is seen on screen, only to pan away, pan back and - *gasp* - no weapon!

Although we're led to believe this movie will take place mostly in New York, a bulk of the action takes place aboard the ship. Jason's methods are disappointing for those looking for the original, over-the-top stuff these movies used to be known for. For example, in one scene he kills a girl by choking her with his hands. That's it?! No party horn in the eye or harpoon through the back?

I wish I could just stop telling you about this movie right now, because the ending is so awfully, horribly bad that any self respecting Friday the 13th fan would do well to just stay far, far away from this movie if it means not seeing the ending. In fact, I'll save you the trouble: Hero girl and her love interest trap Jason in the sewers of downtown Manhattan, where toxic waste - apparently carrying age-reversing weirdness - turns Jason into a half naked ten year-old. No, I'm not kidding.

I'm going to include Jason in the death toll anyway; the Jason I knew died long ago.

Terror level [highest=10]: 2
Death toll: 20
Quote of the flick: "School is out, Mr. McCullough!"