New Releases: Fantastic Four

Friday night, another one of 2005's expected "blockbuster" movies hit the scene as Fantastic Four made its way into theaters, apparently in a big way. It's not tough to see why the numbers came out like they did, considering the normally fairly overcrowed multiplex I attend was pretty much a fire hazard from start to finish in the lobby - although I'm surprised that anyone at the later screenings actually went to see the flick, considering what the crowds were stating on the way out the door, passing in front of the theatergoers-to-come.

This was one of those movies that if you go to see it realizing that it's just sci-fi meets action meets comic book heroes, then you weren't too disappointed. It had all the requisite special effects, had a decent amount of stardom in Jessica Alba, Michael Chiklis and company, and was enjoyable if you dig comic book stories. Unfortunately, if you've watched the three trailers and any number of television commercials, then you've probably seen a good portion of the jokes and action. But don't let that shy you away from hitting the stadium seating or anything.

My biggest issue with this film didn't even hit me until the credits began to roll. You're introduced to the characters, pushed to like some and not like others, (then maybe flip flop a little), and are shown how the Fantastic Four and their nemesis get to be the way they are. Unfortunately, that's pretty much all you get. I hate to make the comparison to an terribly short sexual experience, but that's the gist of this flick. By the time we get to see Victor von Doom turn into Dr. Doom, we get a fast forward conscience move by Chiklis' Ben Grimm aka The Thing, who, after getting his original identity back with the help of von Doom, decides that he wants to go back to his hard-as-rock self, for some reason. Then, all of a sudden, Doom is vanquished and we all go home happy. Umm, that was it?

It was almost like this movie was done with the idea that the people who'd go see it had already seen enough do-gooderness in the Spider-Man films that saving the fireman from falling off of a bridge was enough. Sure, we get to see Alba's Sue Storm drop her clothes a few times so she can be invisible, but that's just to keep the viewers interested, of course. If you're into character development, then this isn't the place for you to vent, nor the film to see. It's almost like we'd need a sequel in order to learn anything about the backgrounds of our heroes - but Dr. Doom leaves that doorway wide freakin' open at the end - so don't worry.

So why go see it in the first place? Again, the effects are cool; getting to see Chris Evans as Johnny Storm make crack after crack, hit on chicks left and right, and torch people was well worth it; and that Jessica Alba definitely lights up the screen a bit more than previously, although I kept waiting for her to bust a move a la Honey. As for the fascination with Ioan Gruffudd (Reed Richards), I just don't see it. The fact that anyone has even suggested him to fill in as the next James Bond is almost incomprehensible to me. Frankly, I found him annoying - and not just the Richards character, either. As for Chiklis, we know that he's a good actor after his time on The Shield and The Commish, where he played policeman both times - but you don't get to see too much of him here, even as core to the story his existence is. I'd have liked to see a bit more around his wife leaving him, as the moment when he tries to pick up her ring (only an engagement ring, it seemed) from the middle of the roadway seemed more funny than dramatic. When he meets a blind woman in his local pub, she appears to immediately fall for him - and it's like "Well, that plot hole is now full!" It's impossible to reiterate enough that the point of this flick is just to amuse, not to leave a lifelong impact on everyone who shells out $10 for a ticket.

Quality scene: When Johnny Storm rolls up to Thing with the prototype action figure of Chiklis' character, and it's smashed into the wall right after exclaiming "It's clobberin' time." I liked how this made fun of the whole "over-marketing" thing that comes along with movies like this.

Alba's real nemesis: Maria Menounos, who plays the nurse who tells Johnny that "He's hot," only to have him reply with "Thanks, so are you." When Johnny rolls up with no clothing other than her ski jacket, that left a gleam in the eye of some guys in the theater...okay, it was just me.

Sequel?: Yep. That wasn't too obvious or anything.

I give it two out of five stars, but only because it didn't try too hard.