Fantastic Four Bashed
Filed under: Action, Sci-Fi & Fantasy, Theatrical Reviews, 20th Century Fox
Peter's Rating: 4 out of 10
I can't say that I've been waiting for this movie, because I haven't been. Actually, since the first teaser trailer, I've been dreading it. But walking into the theater today I somehow expected to be surprised. I mean, I had such low expectations, Fantastic Four couldn't be THAT bad, could it? Sadly, it is.
What you probably don't know is that Fantastic Four is a comedy, but not because "it's so bad it's funny" (although it may be close). The movie is filled to the brim with sight gags and one liners, to the point that it's annoying. The humor is the only thing that saved this movie, but at the same time it was also what totally ruined it. How are we supposed to take the story seriously if for 90% of the movie the characters don't take it seriously? Actually, to say there's a story at all may be both a stretch (pun intended) and ironic (considering Tim Story directed this effort).
As the movie starts, the first thing you'll notice is the bad cheesy dialogue. I seem to remember one of the characters saying, "A few days in space, what's the worst that can happen?" Even the transitions are bad - one character says "Remember my brother Johnny?", and we cut to Johnny riding a motorcycle. There's a moment late in the movie where a blind girl is introduced to The Thing. I sat there wondering to myself if all blind people feel up a person's chest before they touch their faces.
I know it's a comic book movie, but a lot of it was just overly ridiculous. And, I'm a fan of superhero movies. I loved Spiderman 2, Batman Begins, I even liked Daredevil. But when we got to the logic of why they go into space, I just lost it. And that happens in the first ten minutes.
The Fantastic suits are so bad that the characters in the movie even make jokes about them. The way the characters discover their abilities when they return to earth is stupidly corny, even for a comic book movie. The film makes a joke out of everything, to the point where you can't take anything seriously. The Thing's wife leaves him, and there's supposed to be this very sad moment where she takes off her ring and leaves it on the ground. Instead, the Thing fumbles, trying to pick the ring off the ground with his huge clunky fingers, and hilarity ensues.
Most of the movie seems to play well to kids. The audience I saw the film with seemed to enjoy many of them. There was one joke about Mr. Fantastic's limp penis which was probably unnecessary.
When Hulk was in production all everybody complained about was how he looked so fake due to the CG. Everyone wondered why they just didn't put a suit on the guy. Well, in this movie they tried a suit with The Thing, and it didn't work.
Ioan Gruffudd was totally miscast as Reed Richards. He doesn't appear to be super intelligent, or even of average intelligence. And since this is the key to Richards' character, it's a huge problem. I sat in my seat wondering what life must be like for someone with the last name of Von Doom. I mean, do all Von Dooms become evil villains?
Most of the better parts of the movie revolve around Chris Evans, who is great in his portrayal of Johnny Storm. The special effects used when he becomes The Human Torch are very cool.
We are graced with a cameo by comic creator Stan Lee playing a mail man. The movie ends with a clear cut set-up for a sequel. All I can say is that I hope to god they don't make one. But judging by the box office numbers, I wouldn't be surprised if they had it out by next summer.
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
7-11-2005 @ 11:08AM
Kel said...
It's funny. The more bad reviews I hear on Fantastic 4, the more I want to see the movie. The underlying issue with most reviews is that they take comic book movies too seriously and are disappointed when the heroes aren't these brooding, troubled heroes. Don't get me wrong, I don't think we need to go back to Schumacher's Batman Forever, but maybe we should lighten up just a little!
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7-11-2005 @ 12:37PM
Alexei said...
Apparently, Peter, you didn't get it.
Not that I blame you; I recognize that you, much like I and the rest of America, have been bombarded with bad reviews for this film for a while now. But maybe this just never was a movie for you. I feel like you're probably in the 'Batman Begins' camp, which is a somber and depressing camp if there ever was one.
Do all Von Dooms become villains? Have you ever read a comic book? YES THEY DO!
Welcome to the world of real comic books, classic comics, that are created by adults but intended to be consumed by kids (or perhaps adults with the ability to remember their childhood) who pay in pocket change.
As a film, 'Fantastic Four' might seem haphazardly constructed and almost nonsensical at time in its plot and narrative, but does it really matter?
Why they are in space is pretty straightforward: it is space, and space is where you go to do spacey sciency things. This really has nothing to do with the Four, except that even MORE people would complain if they simply started out the film with powers, thanks to the Batman-inspired origin fetish of late. If they came up with a realistic and theoretically sensible reason to justify their mission to the space station, would you know the difference or care? And wouldn't it stop mattering when the product of this space mission was an ORANGE ROCK MAN?
When I read your review I feel like your head is just in the wrong place. Maybe you should have a few drinks and then go back to see it again (in a cab of course, not driving) with some children, thinking repeatedly about just what the word 'comic' means and what the tradition behind comics means to you.
Maybe the latest Batman film is to blame for the Fantastic Four being incredibly misunderstood by the critics, but maybe Marvel is to blame for not properly educating the American public as to the nature of the property they were adapting to the screen. The Four have always been the Simpsons of crime fighting (when they actually stop bickering and get around to helping others) and just don't translate into the dark adult world that the Batman franchise now inhabits, nor should they have to.
In reality, maybe 'Fantastic Four' should've been half animated, or perhaps it should've been narrated by a booming and overdramatic storyteller who tells us to tune in next time to see our heroes face another menacing foe? They could've at least taken advantage of the smooth comic-panel editing that The Hulk used. Maybe this would've better gotten the point across- better than the constant assault of gags and one liners, blue stretch suits, and names like THE THING- that it is a COMIC BOOK MOVIE.
At least kids will like it.
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7-11-2005 @ 1:57PM
Tony said...
Your review is exactly how I imagine myself reacting to this film I've yet to see, if I ever go see it. Perhaps I've been tainted by the bad reviews. However, I think whether it is a comic book adaptation or not, it sounds like it was poorly executed.
I did see a rather humorous review of this movie this weekend. I was at my parents' house, and they were watching the Yankees game on the UPN station out of NY. The reviewer didn't like the movie, but for what I consider to be all the wrong reasons -- she said that Fantastic Four was a take off of The Incredibles! (Mr. Fantastic stretches, just like Elastigirl. The Thing is big and strong like Mr. Incredible, etc...) Do you think someone should write her and let her know she put her cart before her horse?
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7-11-2005 @ 2:02PM
Tony said...
Your review is exactly how I imagine myself reacting to this film I've yet to see, if I ever go see it. Perhaps I've been tainted by the bad reviews. However, I think whether it is a comic book adaptation or not, it sounds like it was poorly executed.
I did see a rather humorous review of this movie this weekend. I was at my parents' house, and they were watching the Yankees game on the UPN station out of NY. The reviewer didn't like the movie, but for what I consider to be all the wrong reasons -- she said that Fantastic Four was a take off of The Incredibles! (Mr. Fantastic stretches, just like Elastigirl. The Thing is big and strong like Mr. Incredible, etc...) Do you think someone should write her and let her know she put her cart before her horse?
Reply
8-06-2005 @ 7:13AM
Gary Davis said...
I've just seen Fantastic Four and was blown away.I my self was a big fan of Fantastic Four before I had seen the movie, and I was worried that they would spoil it, but with in the first 20 mins of the film I knew it was going to be good.Unlike most comic book films Fantastic Four keeps to the original story.I can't wait for the sequel.
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