What Tom Cruise should name his baby
Filed under: Fandom, Tom Cruise
Satiric (kind of) website "Tom Cruise is Nuts" did a little reader poll asking what Tom Cruise should name the baby he and Katie Kate Holmes are having. I'll give you three guesses what the top picks were. No, you don't win anything if you're right, because this is such a total no-brainer. Readers want Tom and Kate to name their baby Brooke (hah!) if it's a girl and L. Ron or some variant of that name (after Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard, if you haven't been keeping up) if it's a boy.
In second place were Xenu for a boy and Elron for a girl. I know the name Xenu has something to do with Scientology (one of you Scientology folks out there, feel free to pipe up here and clue us in on that). Tom's other kids (with actress Nicole Kidman) have normal names, and I kinda doubt Cruise would saddle his kid with a name like Xenu Cruise. The poor kid would be a social outcast, relegated to the lunch table for Hollywood Kids With Weird names along with Apple Paltrow-Martin, Coco Arquette, Jaz Elle Agassi, Banjo Taylor and Pilot Inspektor Lee.
What do you think Cruise and Holmes should name their baby?
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
11-29-2005 @ 1:06PM
Xenu said...
BTW, Xenu is the bad guy according to Scientology wackos. They believe that he is the one that stuck a bunch of people in volcanos and hurled a neutron bomb at 'em. Bunch a wacky nuts over there!
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11-29-2005 @ 2:16PM
john said...
wikipedia has a good explanation of xenu :o
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11-29-2005 @ 3:07PM
Finished.Law.School said...
It should be named "1" or "Control"
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12-02-2005 @ 5:17PM
Pam said...
With Katie being the virgin Mary and Tom thinking he is god, there is only one name Jesus.
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11-29-2005 @ 8:17PM
Jordan said...
I think you guys are having way too much fun here, yes Tom said some stupid things it's no different than having the pope funeral aired on TV having others forced to miss a Tv show it was crammed in our face. But here are my guesses a girl Gabrielle for a boy Lestat :) have fun with it I know you will
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11-30-2005 @ 2:38AM
Mel said...
Hey! This game comes from TomCruiseIsNuts.com Check it out!!
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11-30-2005 @ 11:20AM
Mike said...
Given the fact that I'm obviously the only Scientologist here, I'll make a bet that NOT ONE SINGLE PERSON can tell me where the word "xenu" or "space aliens" turns up in any Scientology literature. Having read Mr. Hubbard's materials for 26 years, this is a bet I know I'll win. All of this garbage about my church is manufactured by the media and people who fear their crimes will be exposed. Any takers??
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11-30-2005 @ 10:17PM
Nancy said...
Well Mike, as a scientologist you are not clued in. But that is not surprising. Zenu can be found in the oh so confidential scriptures of OT III. So either you haven't reached OT III or you are a liar. How do I know? I was in for 29 years - and I've seen the materials. Please Mike, get on the internet and read both sides before you waste anymore time and money!
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12-01-2005 @ 7:08PM
Maria said...
Tom named his daughter Isabella after Isabella Rosselini he directed in Fallen Angels years ago.
But, the problem is Travolta who urged Tom to call "Porsche" for a boy or "Ferrari" for a girl.
i fear for Tom and Katie's child if they listen to him!
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12-01-2005 @ 7:56PM
Arya Gharzzai said...
well from my oppinion i think xenu is a wonderful name
i think any name that they chose is really going to be nice. oh and tom and katie i thein you guys make a cute coupple!!!
tom cruise i this u are
so hot i love you! u rock!
your sexy fan,
Arya
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12-02-2005 @ 3:54AM
LaureLaurel said...
L Ron Hubbard's real first name was Lafayette. I hope they don't name the baby after him.
www.xenu.net
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12-01-2005 @ 10:34PM
Wiliam A said...
My vote is for Xandir that darling video game hero in "Drawn Together."
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12-02-2005 @ 6:02PM
Mike said...
Hey Nance, what have you done that you wouldn't want the church finding out about? Drinking while on course? Out 2-D? Still doing drugs? Or maybe you stole something? Why don't you get your sec checks, work up thru the conditions and get it over with?
I HAVE read both sides. Let's just say, I don't think "squirrel meat" is too nutritious.
You never did cite an available reference. If it isn't written, it isn't true. Show it too me IN PRINT.
C'mon Nance. Time to "fess up". I dare you to email me - sniperdoc2006@yahoo.com - I doubt you have the guts. Mike
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12-06-2005 @ 6:59PM
Jim said...
Mike,
The OTIII document written in LRH's own hand is viewable here:
http://www.xenu.net/archive/OTIII-scholar/
Using your logic; It is written, therefore it is true. Seriously though, why can't you guys just admit that it is what you believe? It isn't provable one way or the other, just like creationism or evolution. Just exclaim proudly that you believe in Xenu and Body Thetans, people will respect you more for that than the ridiculous lengths your group goes to hide their doctrine.
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12-07-2005 @ 11:27AM
Mike said...
First of all Jim, just because it's written doesn't make it true. Second, it's rather obvious that xenu.net is not a website to be trusted. Third, it's NOT what I believe and I'm NOT going to admit to something that's NOT true. I honestly knew nothing about "xenu" or "body thetans", til it turned up in the newspaper.
But, I have all of the books. (I have a large wooden armoire with nothing but LRH books in it.) The books make no mention of any of that. I read the books. The books deliver exactly what Hubbard promises.
You and Nancy seem to be bent on "proving" that there's something wrong with Scientology. So, c'mon. Let's get down to the real deal here. Pick a book, (New Slant on Life, Dianetics, Fundamentals of Thought, etc.) and show me what's wrong with Scientology or Dianetics. Hell, I'll even let you generalize. Show me one falsehood in any book written by Ron. (Don't take anything out of context or I'll expose you and make you the laughingstock of the net.)For those of you who don't know, Hubbard wrote hundreds of books and Jim is welcome to take his pick.
Do you dare take on a specific? OK, here goes; Show me how Hubbard's "Science of Survival" does not predict human behavior.
Real Scientology is not on some dumb ass, unreliable website like xenu.net.
Real Scientology is in THE BOOKS, Jim.
Show me what's wrong with THE BOOKS, Jim.
Never in my 46 years have I ever seen such vicious people spread such vicious lies about a group that is truly out there just to help people improve conditions. Mike sniperdoc2006@yahoo.com
P.S. - For anybody who's paying attention, Nancy never got back to me. And if Jim has the balls to write me, I'll be happy to inform the world how he proved me wrong. Better get to work, Jim. You have a lot of reading to do.
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12-07-2005 @ 5:08AM
Daniel said...
I think tom should name his baby "Fast" Fast Cruise would be an interesting name in my mind. Don't you think? I wonder what Tom's original last name was. Anyhow he should give a name that works with the last name.
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12-07-2005 @ 9:57AM
Daniel said...
I think tom should name his baby "Fast" Fast Cruise would be an interesting name in my mind. Don't you think? I wonder what Tom's original last name was. Anyhow he should give a name that works with the last name.
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12-07-2005 @ 3:23PM
Mike said...
Tom Cruise's real last name is Mapother. It's Irish. And despite all the blatherings in the media, I hear he's a great guy. At least, I know Travolta is. I met him and talked to him for about 5 minutes. Real down to earth. The only thing "weird" about Cruise or Travolta, is the fact that they are both celebrities and both are very enthusiastic about living their lives.
(I guess these days, if you get excited and demonstrate your love for a beautiful girl, you're a freak.)
Can't say I blame them. As a Scientologist, I'm enthusiastic about my life, too! Mike
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12-07-2005 @ 12:36PM
Jim said...
Mike,
How can you claim that the OTIII document is not true when it was verified by one of RTC's own lawyers, Helena Kobrin? There are also multiple voice recordings of LRH's instructional speeches where he references Xenu.
I made no claim about any other book, belief or document concerning Scientology so your dare for me to disprove all of Scientology is misdirected and will not be undertaken.
In order to stay on this specific topic could you please answer the following questions:
1. Is there an "OTIII" level in Scientology?
2. If yes, have you studied the OTIII level yourself?
2. If yes, do the training materials, documents contained in that level have any mention of Xenu?
Note that the above are all YES or NO questions.
Believe me, I have no objection to Scientology as a whole. I fully support any individual or group to believe what they want, esp. when it comes to their belief of human history and experience. I am just trying to understand why your group is so sensitive about and unwilling to admit the existence of this exact, particular piece of doctrine.
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1-09-2006 @ 3:58AM
Mrsmarcellus said...
First of all, Kate will have the baby in February because she was showing much earlier than they announced.
Second, I think April Cruise will be their first choice for a girl since she ditched Chris Klein at that time for Tom. For a boy, Thomas of course! What GOD all Mighty MAN wouldn't name their child after themselves?
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