Jessica Simpson hires Aniston's divorce attorney
To be honest, we really care about as much about Jessica Simpson's divorce attorney as we do about who won the Miss World pageant (yeah, it was Miss Iceland, whoopee!), but hey, it's a slow news day.
So, Simpson has apparently hired the same high-powered (read: evil and lacking all vestiges of morality) divorce lawyer who repped Jennifer Aniston in her split from Brad Pitt, Robert Kaufman, to represent her in severing her marriage to Nick Lachey. Ha, ha - we're sure you are really a nice person (at least as nice as any attorney can be) so please don't sue us, Mr. Kaufman!
Moving on from who's repping whom in what we bet is going to turn into a really nasty divorce behind-the-scenes, let's think about something cheerier instead, like who Simpson and Lachey should hook up with once their divorce is final. My suggestions for Lachey: Britney Spears (hey, she's bound to dump that loser Federline eventually, right?), newly split Christina Applegate (wouldn't they be so cute together?), Halle Berry (she could really use a nice guy) or, perhaps even Mariah Carey (great PR for both of them, she's on a comeback path, and they could record a duet!).
For Simpson, might we suggest Owen Wilson (we don't like him all that much, but hey, lots of girls seem to think he's cute), Kid Rock, or, my favorite pick, Eminem. Sure, he's supposedly reconciling with his on-again-off-again wife, but how long is that going to last, really? He'll be free by the the time the ink is dry on Simpson's divorce papers. Wouldn't you love to see a reality show featuring the first year of a Jessica Simpson-Eminem union? How long do you think it would take before Eminem would lose it and yell "Damn, b****! Shut the f*** up!" I'd give him two months, tops.
Who do you think would be the best matches for the unfortunate ex-couple?









Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
12-10-2005 @ 8:09PM
rob said...
nick will be working at a walmart by early summer, I know he has a sitcom lined up, but does anybody really beleive anyone cares about him enough to watch him without jessica? oh i know he has a recording "career" but in 10 years he has only sold 27 CD's 15 of which were bought by his mom, 11 of which were drunk and thought they were buying an old nick lowe CD, and the last one was sold to an overly horny housewife from linoln nebraska.
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12-10-2005 @ 9:03PM
Tony said...
They should tape the divorce preceedings for a reality show. hehe
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12-10-2005 @ 11:21PM
gabby said...
I really thought they were going to be togather for along while they just looked like they were going to togather about 1-6years to me and nick was not making any money and doing nothing jessica did it all go girl aka i love you jessica
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12-10-2005 @ 11:54PM
Wesley Trent said...
wow awsome jessica&nick get divorce that`s great now it`s money time nick should have half of her money that`s whathappen when you get married and don't ask for a pre nupt now nick can hook up with Maria carey.
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12-11-2005 @ 12:36AM
ooda said...
Ironically (because she makes all the money) Nick asked for a pre-nup, but Jessica refused to get one. Now, she made something like thirty or so million this year, so it's going to be happy days for him.
He'll probably end up being a sports commentator or something like that down the line. Though he probably won't be seeing the same money as he had the past few years for a long, long time.
But who knows, the new sitcom might actually be good...
...
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12-11-2005 @ 1:09AM
Kristi W. said...
I think Nick is better off without her. She's a cheater and deserves to be alone. She's gotten too big of an ego and needs to come back down to earth. I think the reality show they did showed America what a sweetie Nick is and how romantic he is and he'll have no toruble finding Mrs. Right. Jessica made her bed now she can ly in it, her whole family is a damn joke.
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12-11-2005 @ 9:24AM
Nina said...
I think Jessica should hook up with Justin Timberlake. She has made reference to him on her show. As for Nick...maybe Cameron Diaz. At least these two couples would be closer in age....just a thought.
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12-11-2005 @ 5:11PM
Alicia Richie said...
I think that all these celebs break up because us as nosy people we are have to know everything about them. Which requires the paparizzi to follow them. They are normal people like you and me except rich. They wipe thier @$$ just like us. LEAVE THEM ALONE FOR GODS SAKE!!! LET THEM LIVE. I think they will get back together and laugh in all our faces. Good for you Nick and Jessica.
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12-11-2005 @ 5:28PM
Michelle said...
To be honest, I think they should have kept their parents out of their marraige. It seemed like there was a lot of tension between Nick and her father. It really does not matter who was making the most money because it can not bring any one happiness. Jessica is the type of person that needs a level headed man. She is not stable when it comes to finances and if she does not watch her careless spending habits she may end up with nothing!
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12-11-2005 @ 10:31PM
Amanda said...
I hope they work things out. They are the ones that inspired me to settle down. I got married, my husband and I watched there show and it helped us on our journy of one. Bets of luck to both! GOD BLESS!
I agree they are the only ones for each other. Nothing will work.
Amanda
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12-11-2005 @ 11:44PM
Candie said...
I am so sad what has happen with Jessica and Nick.Nick had waited over 5 yrs for Jessica and respected her CHRISTIAN Values.Why would HE EVER go and CHEAT on HER?..I'm Very sorry But I blame Her Father for 95% of this break-up.I have been up with Jessica since She was just starting out, and I KNEW what Her values were and what SHE wanted.Yes , She is blessed with a voice, But She better ask God for forgiveness cause God Gives and He also Takes away.The grass isn't greener on te other side..As a Minister HE Father Should of had limits to what She was able to do.When She had Her 1st b-day Party BASH, Her Father and Mother Danced and drank up a storm.(Is that a TRUE Man Of the Cloth?)The Bible say's come out among them.YES Jesus sat with sinners and LOVES the sinners , But HE DIDNT Do what they did.Our Body belong to the Lord. Mr. Joe Simpson will have to give an answer to God one day.His EYES saw too much BLING BLING!, and He him self even said in one interview, I really didn't want Jessica to get married now.The "F"-word that flows from Ashelys mouth was a disgrace on her MTV show..I DO NOT care what age My child is, there should be respect,Others are looking at you, people ten to judge, and we ALL wonder why, so many dont believe in the Lord Jesus Christ?..Ths is why, cause of fake 2-face people like them, that give christian's name and BAD name!Hey do NOT get me wrong Christians can have fun too..But Jess and Her preacher daddy fell BIG TIME!...
I taste of fame, a taste of money , Look what it does..my my, I feel really bad for that family.I remember the FIRST Christmas they had, The bought Jessica a NEW CAR, I believe thats called "KISSING HER BUTT"...and umm..what did Nick get?..I remember Jessica saying, sorry babe, I forgot to get you a gift.GIVE ME A BREAK!.Jessica Simpson Better got back to her roots , and seek The Lord for guidness cause Her Father and The world will NEVER Give Her the right direction to go in.
The Lord ask US, Loveth Thou ME?.Loveth ME MORE THEN ALL These things in the World..?And Our Answer should be YES,Lord More then ALL of these things I love Thee.
See NOTHING On this green earth belongs to us..its ALL Gods, and One day soon..EVERYONE will see, and those who have turnd HIM away will be sorry..
I pray that Jessica will Get her Salvation back, and then ask God for forgiveness and Then Ask Nick for forgiveness.If She dosnt. She will have such a unhappy life.MONEY if Great, But its NOT everything.(ALSO Get CeeCee Cob FAR AWAY from your life.."bad move Jess")
Maybe Jessica, should watch the Movie:"Left Behind", and "The Passon", and start reading Her Bible again..I pray that God will mend this marriage In His Time and in His special Holy way,,See The or is THE MASTER OF our Life and He is In control, its Us "THE PEOPLE " who mess our own life up, and then we question God?..NO NEVER question God..He does evevrything well..God be with This FAMILY and May God Be with this world..who will soon see The Lord Jesus Chirst return so..lift UP YOUR Heads He ometh soon..Get Her hearts ready!!!!! Jessica PLEASE Remember you wedding day..DONT look at the world..Look at Jesus and ALL the Things in this world will grow dim..God Be with You ALL..
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12-12-2005 @ 11:07PM
renee said...
jess and nick were a good role model for relationship.everybody has there bad and good times.and its true the parents shuld let their kids grow up and taste the reality of life because they wont be there forever to save your ass.but i supose parents are looking out for their kids but still they not gona know.they say you learn from ur mistakes and how are you able to learn if your parents telling u wat to do.i hope jess and nick reunite coz no one is perfect for anyone.its how u work at your relationship.please jess and nick just get back together you only live once so dont let go of wat you guys had.dont divorce stay together.
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12-13-2005 @ 7:31PM
mimi linn said...
It's too bad about Jessica and Nick but I truly feel that Jessica lowered her morals and standards which initially set her apart from the rest of the pack in a good way. Now she is just like everybody else, a lowlife party girl with an over-inflated ego that will burn out and will be used up before she is 30. As for Nick, well he is still a little boy who wants his cake and eat it too mentality. If he was a good husband, he would still be beside his wife and not with every tramp that gives him the eye. A husband (especially since he was the older one) is supposed to be the protector of his wife and he was just the opposite. His infidelities fueled Jessica's insecurities and that is why she has been acting out in the manner that she has and I don't blame her but there are more respectable ways of doing so Jess. Both of them need to grow up and remember put their marriage a priority and not their careers if they really want it to work. Having money, cars, houses does not make you happy. They do not keep you warm at night and make your heart skip a beat. Only the love of a good woman/man can do that.
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12-13-2005 @ 9:54PM
tiffany said...
I think Nick will eventually hook up with Richard Simmons ;)
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12-13-2005 @ 10:22PM
tiffany said...
I think Nick will eventually hook up with Richard Simmons ;)
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12-13-2005 @ 10:56PM
jeff said...
I think jess is hot and nick needs to go cry on his mommies shoulder, Just send her my way!
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12-14-2005 @ 3:43PM
ish said...
Personally, I think Nick and Jess were made for each other. But if the divorce does come to pass I would like to see Jessica hook up with R.Kelly or Micheal Buble the touted to be the next Senatra. Nick would be great for Hally Barry but I think she carries too much baggage. I'd like to see Nick with Beyonce.
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12-14-2005 @ 10:15PM
tiffany said...
The only reason Nick married Jessica was because he wanted to f**k a virgin! Where do people get that they were this great couple. . .give me a break!!!
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12-25-2005 @ 8:03AM
Realist said...
I agree with #7. Through out their whole reality show, Nick and Jessica did show the world most of how they really are. Especially important moments like holidays and what not. Nick showed that even the little things matter. And Jessica acted like she could care less. Her music did not make me want to buy a cd until I watched her show. Nick has potential. Nick is down to earth and we as fans can appreciate that, Jessica on the other hand has got the biggest ego as a celebrity and that is real sad.
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12-25-2005 @ 9:12PM
Michelle said...
Jessica has been my favorite singer now actress.. when Brittany and Xtina came out they were showing all they own for popularity.. Jess kept her clothes on.. fell into the back and now its her time to shine. It's so sad that they broke up like that.. but I think its one of two things.. if you watched newlyweds.. Nick seemed to get aggrevated by Jessica alot.. you could just see it in his expressions and by what he said. That or its a publicity stunt!! Why?? I just read in J-14 magazine that Jess is comming out with another movie, clothing accssorie line for teens and plus sizes, hair extensions, shoes, excersize eqpt. and excersize videos!! When Newlyweds came out she launched her dessert line.. which sold because of her popularity from Newlyweds.. which sold her album.. which now she has a role in dukes of hazzard.. nick still with nothing... after the movies out, newlyweds is over, and all of her other products are not "new" anymore.. she needs something to make her name heard of and keep it around.. so why not fake a divorce? The tabloids are already talking about it !! Watch.. something big will happen in this divorce issue about Nick.. they you'll know if it is.. cuz if something does.. people are going to hear nick nick nick and then they'll watch his new sitcom cuz they'll be interested and they'll be buying jess' new cds and clothing lines up!! Just what hollywood wants.. Its just kinda odd that they were all happy go lucky a few months ago and all the things they said they made it through, and how much they love eachother and bla bla bla.. theres no way to go from that to this in 2 months.. whats better for popularity than america's leading couple splitting up??
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