Cinematical Oscar Predictions: Why not ask the Magic 8 Ball?
Filed under: Awards, Scripts, DIY/Filmmaking, Lists, Oscar Watch
When it came time for my Oscar predictions, I felt it would be best to stray from
my fellow Cinematical writers and take things a bit more seriously. Seeing as I've used my trusty Magic 8 Ball to help
decide every decision I've ever had to make throughout my entire life (except for when I was four and my stuffed
bunny showed me the way), it only seemed fair to turn to my favorite rounded black liquid-filled friend for those
ever-so-important Oscar answers.
Most of you probably view the Magic 8 Ball as some toy, an amusing object used to taunt your significant other when I was faced with the decision to either marry her or not. However, this is no toy - there's some pretty intense Gandolf the Grey magic going on inside this puppy.
Now, in order to successfully predict an Oscar award using your Magic 8 Ball, you first must be at complete peace with yourself and your surroundings. May I suggest taking a Valium or watching The Constant Gardener - either one should sedate you long enough so that you'll be relaxed upon prediction time. All that's left is a witness (thanks to my friend Adam for taking the following pictures) and, of course, your own Magic 8 Ball. Play safe and enjoy!
Magic 8 Ball, who will win Best Picture?
According to the Magic 8 Ball, it appears as if it's going with Brokeback Mountain to win Best Picture. Whether or not Brokeback actually deserves to win the award, the film has opened up the door for so many people to, well, make fun of other people.
There are some who feel Brokeback Mountain was too damn slow, but it's 1960's Wyoming people! Would you rather Ledger and Gyllenhaal snowboard off the peak into some fresh powder? Hmm, sequel?
Magic 8 Ball, Who will win Best Actor?
See, here's where the Magic 8 Ball can come in handy. Without it, I would have definitely picked Philip Seymour Hoffman to take home the Best Actor award, but according to my best buddy, Joaquin Phoenix is a lock to win.
Even though Jaime Foxx took home this Oscar last year for playing another recently deceased music great, it appears Phoenix will do the same. Now, if Hoffman could have sang all his own Capote songs, then maybe this one would be a bit closer.
Magic 8 Ball, who will win Best Actress?
Okay, here my Magic 8 Ball was getting a little nasty. I'm not the kind of guy that would go and pick a Best Actress winner based solely on how hot of a Mom she is. I mean, c'mon, the girl rocked for her portrayal of June Carter in Walk the Line - if anything, I'd choose her because of her talent, not looks. Then again, I'm not some tiny perverted fortune teller.
Sure, there's other talented actresses competing against her. Charlize Theron is always a contender when she plays a woman who's not that good looking and Judi Dench is a fairly reliable veteran. Felicity Huffman proved you can't go wrong as a woman playing a man who wants to be a woman and, well, how can you adapt a Jane Austin novel and not nominate one of these girls (Keira Knightley) for an award? However, in the end, my good pal claims Witherspoon will win it. Pervert.
Magic 8 Ball, who will win Best director?
You know it's funny, I was thinking the same exact thing. Ang is a totally cool name, so why not go with him for Best Director. Honestly, a guy named Ang Lee directs a movie set in 1960's Wyoming featuring two gay cowboys - how do you not throw him a bone here (no pun intended)?
Of course, If I were making my own picks and not asking the Magic 8 Ball, I'd probably go with Paul Haggis since I always love to see the screenwriter get theirs.
Magic 8 Ball, who will win Best Original Screenplay?
Ah, unlike the Golden Globes, Crash does not have to share this category with Brokeback Mountain and, since the film will most likely not do well in any of the other categories it is in, the Magic 8 Ball and I both feel Magnolia's little brother will take home the Oscar for original screenplay.
However, I know for a fact that the Magic 8 Ball absolutely adores Batman Begins, and so if that film was somehow thrown into the mix, I'd assume our outcome would be a bit different. It's also important to note that, because of an early childhood accident, my Magic 8 Ball is deathly afraid of squids and whales. Eh, you may or may not want to take that into consideration.
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
3-05-2006 @ 6:55AM
Arnold Wax said...
I thought I was seeing and hearing both June Carter and Johnny Cash in real life. Reese Weatherspoon and Joaquin Phoenix deserve the Best Actress and Best Actor Awards respectively.
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3-05-2006 @ 8:25AM
NoName said...
Didn't care for the "MILF" comment by 8ball. Thought it was rude and innappropriate.
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3-05-2006 @ 8:51AM
Required said...
MILF Defined: Movie I'd Like to Forget
And the WINNER IS!!! ::drumroll:: Brokeback Mountain!!
The people have spoken and the winner for Best Picture should go to ::drumroll:: CRASH!
Too bad their vote doesn't count.
Ahh, critics and their self-serving agendas.
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3-05-2006 @ 9:04AM
Dave Simms said...
If broke back mtn wins anything it will just show that hollywood is out of touch with the people who pay to see their movies. That might make me less likely to see any movie made by the company who made that awful movie. Yes I did see part of it, I walked out, got my money back too!
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3-05-2006 @ 9:13AM
M Fronan said...
How about the writer considers getting himself an editor familiar with English grammar? I found 2 errors myself, and it's obvious from this awkward post that I'm no professional grammarian. Errors: "if Hoffman could have SANG..." should be "could have SUNG". "there's other talented actresses competing" - should be "there ARE other talented actresses..." C'mon, guys, if ignorant little ol' me can find 'em, surely you should be able to as well, huh?
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3-05-2006 @ 9:55AM
Ron Koons said...
Its obvious that the quality of this years nominees are intellectual and thought provoking, a refreshing alternative to the usual cookie-cutter movies in years past. Although I enjoyed viewing all nominated movies, Brokeback Mountain is clearly a cut above the rest!
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3-05-2006 @ 9:55AM
Steven said...
The power of "Brokeback Mountain" begins to hit you after you leave the theater, and stays with you for months. I think we all can relate to the theme of a missed chance at love, and the feeling of wanting to do it over. If we know now what we did not know then.
Heath Ledger gives the pest performance I have ever seen. Unlike a couple of the other actors, who had a wealth of visuals to build their characters around. These were famous people, lots of film clips and photos to draw from. Ledger creates a character which is demanding physically as well as emotionally. The last line of the movie is haunting. "Jack I swear", will keep you asking what did he mean. I swear I would do things different. I swear I don't know how I will make it with out you. I swear I would be there to protect you. I personally think all the above. The drained look on Ledger's face is totally heartbreaking.
And too the guy who got up and left to get his money back, why did you select this movie anyway since you seem to have a problem with the subject matter!!! You should not judge this movie unless you saw the entire film.
The most powerfull movie I've seen since "The Passion of the Christ".
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3-05-2006 @ 11:12AM
Betsy Segal said...
This is America. It is not "rude and inappropriate" to think a movie is forgettable. Doesn't make you a homophobe because the movie is about gays. Like buying a painting monkeys make and calling it ART?
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3-05-2006 @ 11:14AM
jan said...
I think Reese and Joaquin absolutely out done them selves this time. They were wonderful. I watched the movie 8 times and could have sat thru it again.
I don't know how the best movie award could go to a one about such a topic in Brokeback. It should go to the best movie. One you could watch with your family. These guys will be tagged for doing this one.
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3-05-2006 @ 11:32AM
Jim Neighbors said...
The so called "stars" of today don't interest me. Very Anti-American and too political. I could care less about the Academy Awards of today.
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3-05-2006 @ 11:33AM
Honey said...
Come on people, grow up. This is the 21st century. Why are you so threatened by gays? Brokeback is a beautiful, moving movie and deserves any recognition it gets. Both actors gave astounding performances and will be long recognized. Is jan suggesting the Academy Awards be limited to G-rated movies? How naive when you can turn on the television at prime time and all of the major stations broadcast shows explicitly sexual in content, even the supposedly family value comedies.
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3-05-2006 @ 11:52AM
krg said...
Brokeback Mountain is a terrific film and should win. I would also like to say that out of all the films nominated for best picture, it has grossed the highest in its release....clost to $72 million....so, it is a little idiotic to say that hollywood is out of touch. I am straight and I am glad hollywood made a different kind of love story instead the same ole crap of boy meets girl, boy loses girl and gets girl back in the end. Of the actresses nominated, Felicity Huffman should take home the Oscar. Reese's performance lacked pizazz. Judi Dench and Charlize Theron are much more deserving than Reese. Reese is a great actress and she will have other opportunties to win Oscar.
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3-05-2006 @ 12:27PM
Wendy said...
Crash absolutely moved me to look at life differently. I was shaken and changed after viewing it. It helped me grow.
Brokeback Mountain however shook me to the roots! Yes, it is about "gay" love... which didn't appear all that happy. But, most importantly it was about people TRYING to live up to the expectations of others... in spite of what their hearts told them to do. It had a huge snowball affect and in the end absolutely NO one came out a winner. How ironic that a movie that depicts everyone losing should be nominated to win BEST picture of the year. My vote would have to go for Ang Lee's brokeback. It was beautifully painful and exquisitely done.
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3-05-2006 @ 12:47PM
Alex said...
Corpse Bride for Best Animated Film!!!!
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3-05-2006 @ 1:08PM
Tom Williams said...
1st. on Walk The Line, (guess they couldn't name it "I Walk The Line" Tuesday Weld Movie, I think with Johnny Cash on Soundtrack) If you were not a big Johnny Cash Fan b4 the movie,then you prob. thought it was an excellent movie. If like me,you are a big Cash fan, I didn't like it at all!! As bad as Will Smith as Ali(Jamie Fox as Ray Charles was Great!)Thumbs down!!On the gay movie, Still sickened by "The Crying Game" so why would I subject myself to another gay movie- I can't walk the expensive steets of Wilton Manors Fl. at night without harassment and I am a 59 yr. old straght male(cute for my age i guess) Back to Walk the Line- As a guitar Player,If I here one more movie say "The actor played the guitar in the film I,m going to puke!! Doesn't happen!! How many notes?
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3-05-2006 @ 1:19PM
Georgia said...
I personally believe that Reese Witherspoon and Joaquim Phoenix both deserve to win Oscars. Would be hard to give to one and not the other. Their performances were so inspiring and real, however, the exceptional performance they each exhibited in singing was a tribute to the people they portrayed. The work they had to put into this film was above the norm. I give them each my vote and hope the academy does too.
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3-05-2006 @ 1:40PM
Miz said...
Hollywood loves to talk the talk, but rarely does the academy actually reward the edginess they love to preach about. While talking about how much they love diversity, Color Purple was shut out with a large amount of nominations. It took Halle Berry and Denzel Washington YEARS afterwards to win and be the first AA actors to do so for anything other than a supporting role.
I would be surprised if Brokeback won more than just a token award to throw them a bone then for the rest of the awards, the Academy votes safe and white.
How do you spell hypocrite? OSCAR!
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