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Cinematical Oscar Predictions: Why not ask the Magic 8 Ball?

by Erik Davis Feb 28th 2006 // 8:05PM

Filed under: Awards, Scripts, DIY/Filmmaking, Lists, Oscar Watch

When it came time for my Oscar predictions, I felt it would be best to stray from my fellow Cinematical writers and take things a bit more seriously. Seeing as I've used my trusty Magic 8 Ball to help decide every decision I've ever had to make throughout my entire life (except for when I was four and my stuffed bunny showed me the way), it only seemed fair to turn to my favorite rounded black liquid-filled friend for those ever-so-important Oscar answers.

Most of you probably view the Magic 8 Ball as some toy, an amusing object used to taunt your significant other when I was faced with the decision to either marry her or not. However, this is no toy - there's some pretty intense Gandolf the Grey magic going on inside this puppy.

Now, in order to successfully predict an Oscar award using your Magic 8 Ball, you first must be at complete peace with yourself and your surroundings. May I suggest taking a Valium or watching The Constant Gardener - either one should sedate you long enough so that you'll be relaxed upon prediction time. All that's left is a witness (thanks to my friend Adam for taking the following pictures) and, of course, your own Magic 8 Ball. Play safe and enjoy!

 

 

Magic 8 Ball, who will win Best Picture?

According to the Magic 8 Ball, it appears as if it's going with Brokeback Mountain to win Best Picture. Whether or not Brokeback actually deserves to win the award, the film has opened up the door for so many people to, well, make fun of other people.

There are some who feel Brokeback Mountain was too damn slow, but it's 1960's Wyoming people!  Would you rather Ledger and Gyllenhaal snowboard off the peak into some fresh powder? Hmm, sequel?

 Magic 8 Ball, Who will win Best Actor?

See, here's where the Magic 8 Ball can come in handy. Without it, I would have definitely picked Philip Seymour Hoffman to take home the Best Actor award, but according to my best buddy, Joaquin Phoenix is a lock to win.

Even though Jaime Foxx took home this Oscar last year for playing another recently deceased music great, it appears Phoenix will do the same. Now, if Hoffman could have sang all his own Capote songs, then maybe this one would be a bit closer.

Magic 8 Ball, who will win Best Actress?

Okay, here my Magic 8 Ball was getting a little nasty. I'm not the kind of guy that would go and pick a Best Actress winner based solely on how hot of a Mom she is. I mean, c'mon, the girl rocked for her portrayal of June Carter in Walk the Line - if anything, I'd choose her because of her talent, not looks. Then again, I'm not some tiny perverted fortune teller.

Sure, there's other talented actresses competing against her. Charlize Theron is always a contender when she plays a woman who's not that good looking and Judi Dench is a fairly reliable veteran. Felicity Huffman proved you can't go wrong as a woman playing a man who wants to be a woman and, well, how can you adapt a Jane Austin novel and not nominate one of these girls (Keira Knightley) for an award? However, in the end, my good pal claims Witherspoon will win it. Pervert.

Magic 8 Ball, who will win Best director?

You know it's funny, I was thinking the same exact thing. Ang is a totally cool name, so why not go with him for Best Director. Honestly, a guy named Ang Lee directs a movie set in 1960's Wyoming featuring two gay cowboys - how do you not throw him a bone here (no pun intended)?

Of course, If I were making my own picks and not asking the Magic 8 Ball, I'd probably go with Paul Haggis since I always love to see the screenwriter get theirs.

Magic 8 Ball, who will win Best Original Screenplay?

Ah, unlike the Golden Globes, Crash does not have to share this category with Brokeback Mountain and, since the film will most likely not do well in any of the other categories it is in, the Magic 8 Ball and I both feel Magnolia's little brother will take home the Oscar for original screenplay.

However, I know for a fact that the Magic 8 Ball absolutely adores Batman Begins, and so if that film was somehow thrown into the mix, I'd assume our outcome would be a bit different. It's also important to note that, because of an early childhood accident, my Magic 8 Ball is deathly afraid of squids and whales. Eh, you may or may not want to take that into consideration.

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