In an announcement that only serves to remind us just how freaking weird the world is, it was revealed yesterday that Zhang Yimou will direct the opening and closing ceremonies for the Beijing Olympics (those are in 2008 if you, like me, haven't been paying any attention). And if it's not odd enough to think about the director of such masterpieces of subtlety as Ju Dou, Raise the Red Lantern, and Not One Less masterminding the bizarre, nonsensical epics that open and close the Olympics, try this on for size: Steven Spielberg will serve as an "artistic advisor." Because, you know, Zhang's films are just missing that touch of loveliness that Spielberg brings to every project he touches. Uh huh.

Given Zhang's recent work, I'm counting on a gorgeous, stadium-sized action spectacular, featuring a special appearance by Takeshi Kaneshiro who will be involved in a doomed (Olympic) love affair. Oh, and with a touch of Moral Significance sprinkled on top by the great and powerful Spielberg.