Ah, leave it to those plucky contrarians at The Onion, as their crack film team presents a flurry of classic films -- along with arguments about why their glories may hang about them like giant's robes upon a dwarvish thief. There are a few surprises in the listings (A Clockwork Orange? Really?), but by and large it's a lively piece with plenty of well-done reasoning and snappy subjectivism. Star Wars? "Remove Harrison Ford's swaggering charisma from Star Wars, and what's left? The Phantom fucking Menace." Network? " ... does predicting that network television and its audience will grow increasingly degraded and desperate qualify as Nostradamus-like prescience, or mere common sense?" The Big Lebowski? "Compared with the Coens' usual energy and the tautness of their best work, Lebowski feels unfocused, uncommitted, and amateurish." The Shawshank Redemption? "In the hands of director Frank Darabont, the brutality of prison life looks faintly like nostalgia." Like I said, whether you agree or disagree, this is great stuff ... and this, ot course, begs the question of if there are any so-called "Classics" you just can't get through. ...Classics Refuted - The Onion's Picks for Much-Honored Flicks it's "Okay to Hate."
Ah, leave it to those plucky contrarians at The Onion, as their crack film team presents a flurry of classic films -- along with arguments about why their glories may hang about them like giant's robes upon a dwarvish thief. There are a few surprises in the listings (A Clockwork Orange? Really?), but by and large it's a lively piece with plenty of well-done reasoning and snappy subjectivism. Star Wars? "Remove Harrison Ford's swaggering charisma from Star Wars, and what's left? The Phantom fucking Menace." Network? " ... does predicting that network television and its audience will grow increasingly degraded and desperate qualify as Nostradamus-like prescience, or mere common sense?" The Big Lebowski? "Compared with the Coens' usual energy and the tautness of their best work, Lebowski feels unfocused, uncommitted, and amateurish." The Shawshank Redemption? "In the hands of director Frank Darabont, the brutality of prison life looks faintly like nostalgia." Like I said, whether you agree or disagree, this is great stuff ... and this, ot course, begs the question of if there are any so-called "Classics" you just can't get through. ...
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 6)
6-22-2006 @ 11:14AM
Scott said...
Well, they're right about "Network" and "The Shawshank Redemption," that's for sure.
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6-22-2006 @ 11:26AM
J said...
Well, they're wrong about Network and the Shawshank Redemption, that's for sure.
But Clockwork Orange, oh yes. Hateable.
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6-22-2006 @ 12:19PM
Ric said...
"The Wizard of Oz." Can't stand it. Might have something to do with being forced to do the play in grade school.
PS: Look up "Beg the Question" on Wikipedia -- I think you may be using it wrong. It does not mean "this question should be asked."
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6-22-2006 @ 12:19PM
ThriceDamned said...
Well, they're wrong about Network, Shawshank Redemption and Clockwork Orange, that's for sure.
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6-22-2006 @ 1:12PM
Josh Boelter said...
Well, they're wrong about The Big Lebowski, that's for sure.
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6-22-2006 @ 2:04PM
Buck Turgidson said...
I didn't realize "The Shawshank Redemption" was considered a classic by anybody. Go figure. And the reasons to hate "A Closkwork Orange" are so laughable one can only take them as mere provocation. The whole point of Kubrick's "coldness" as it were, is so YOU are making the judgment on "the point" of the film instead of the director (see Spielberg, Howard, et al) ramming it down your throat.
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6-22-2006 @ 2:26PM
James said...
Hated Lebowski until I saw it again several years later... now it's my favorite Coen film after Hudsucker and Millers Crossing.
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6-22-2006 @ 3:14PM
Kyle said...
OK, I'm going to go out on a limb here and go after everyone's favorite "Star Wars". Now I own all of these movies--"Network", "Shawshank", and "Lebowski" (which I agree with James--has improved with age) and I love them all. They stand the test of multiple viewings, but none is without a minor flaw or two. "Clockwork" is simply brilliant, end of discussion.
Then there's "Star Wars"--the ultimate bubblegum film, all surface and no depth. Most of the dialogue is silly and most of the performances leaden. Now, I saw the movie 4 times when it initially came out (and I was a child), but it just doesn't hold up well today no matter how much Lucas wants to tinker with it. Now, the situation improves and deepens with "Empire" and "Jedi" and I consider the trilogy to be ONE great classic movie (in much the same way I consider "Godfather" and "Godfather, Part 2" only ONE classic film experience.)
But viewed on its own merits (alone), "Star Wars" is so childish--sweet and empty. For a sheer popcorn adventure that stands the test of time, I look no further than "Raiders of the Lost Ark."
OK, I'm ready--crucify me.
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6-23-2006 @ 2:09PM
Elinor Rous said...
Is profanity really necessary in a movie review article. Grow up!!!
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6-23-2006 @ 2:21PM
Roger Settler said...
Amen, Elinor!
Here's two more that SOME people consider "classics"...
"Pulp Fiction" and "Reservoir Dogs"...two paens to REALLY BAD movie-making. Unbelievable scripts, poor acting, terrible cinamatography, cheezy pandering to washed-up and soon-to-be washed up actors...these two "dogs" have it all...
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6-23-2006 @ 2:30PM
Bill Bissey said...
Stars was the ultimate example of Space Opera, science fiction's version of horse opera. It wa supposed to be fun with little other redeeming value. Hey, after reading about spaceport bars, I finally got to see one. Besides, there is a role reversal. The sweet young female in perial, isn,t so sweet after all.
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6-23-2006 @ 2:31PM
joanne said...
#9 COMMENTS ABOUT PROFANITY ARE EXCELLENT
AND SINCE EVERYBODY STILL HAS THEIR OWN OPINION ABOUT
THE FILMS YOURS STILL DOESN'T MATTER.
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6-23-2006 @ 2:32PM
Dave said...
I think the worst movie of all times was The Passion. Talk about shallow and propaganda-laden bull. If the use of god by policicians today is any indication of her true character, I'm more inclined to believe that Lucifer created the heavens and the earth, and god came along and stole it via military invasion, then claimed all the oil for herself.
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6-23-2006 @ 2:49PM
Mindy said...
Worst movie ever?
Duel.
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6-23-2006 @ 2:54PM
Debbie said...
Who could hate Caddyshack???????
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6-23-2006 @ 2:58PM
James Rocchi said...
As per Profanity, I'm merely quoting the exact words of The Onion's writers. Feel free to avert your tender eyes, if need be.
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6-23-2006 @ 2:59PM
tim said...
Ace Ventura, Pet Detective was horrible, and I have a hard time with any movie that has Jim Carey in it. However the WORST movie I have ever seen had to be Dumb and Dumber. It was worse and worser!
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6-23-2006 @ 2:59PM
Debbi said...
The worst movie ever is The English Patient. It is so
incredibly boring and endless. I couldn't believe it won the Academy Award for Best Picture!!!!!!!!!!!
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6-23-2006 @ 3:00PM
El Conquistador Del Amor said...
What about Night of the Lepus? Or The Green Slime? Or Bad Ronald?!?!!? It's a conspiracy that these legendary masterpieces were ommitted. The MAN doesn't want people to know!!!
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6-23-2006 @ 3:05PM
Julie Hatch said...
Most Sappiest Movie that makes my blood sugar go up?: It's A Wonderful Life! Can't stand it! I usually leave the TV off during the Christmas season cause of it...every channel almost! Second most annoying film: (Includes all of the movies sequels): Star Wars! Third most annoying film: Stanley Kubrick's "The Shining" please, it is just a film about Jack Nickelson playing himself.
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