Every time we think Hollywood has hit the deepest depths of looniness, someone comes along and lowers the bottom. Get this: Michael Birnbaum's Empire Pictures (no, not that Empire Pictures) has purchased the movie & TV rights to ... Sea-Monkeys. Yes, Sea-Monkeys, those lovable specimens of ever-hibernating brine shrimp that were sold on the back covers of comic books all over the universe. (Coming Soon: X-Ray Specs: The Movie!)Birnbaum apparently sees some sort of Smurfs-style sensation in the Sea-Monkeys, and just wait till you get a load of these Variety quotes: "I grew up with Sea-Monkeys," (Birnbaum) said. "The property's instant name recognition on a global basis makes it a platform from which to launch an animated film franchise." So what he basically means is: Lots of people recognize the phrase "sea-monkeys," and therefore one simply must make a movie franchise out of said phrase. Even better is the quote from Transcience CEO Yolanda von Braunhut, who said "Dozens of producers have inquired about making a Sea-Monkeys film over the years, but Michael's passion and vision made him the clear choice to guide these lovable and telepathic beings who want to be our friends on their journey to the silver screen."
Passion and vision. Lovable and friends. Dude. They're BRINE SHRIMP, tiny little genetically-enhanced Artemia branchiopods (generally referred to as "water fleas") that you probably bought 20 years ago, only to let the silly little creatures die in 2.3 days. Coming soon to a
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
7-28-2006 @ 11:41AM
Richard von Busack said...
So here's my pitch: from their mystical undersea kingdom, the sea monkeys send a princess--called a "fran"--to our world to teach us to cooperate and not hit each other anymore. And she also has to rescue all the sea monkeys that are being experimented on in medical labs. After that, she has to return to her blue world on the back of a mighty eagle, and needs the help of a stuttering janitor.(I really see Charles Nelson Reilly in the part, unless he's dead.) But Mr. Nastyface, the evil crotchety banker villain, says that sea monkeys are but miserable brine shrimp who only exist to feed fish. Since he doesn't believe in her magic, he's hit by a truck, and the rest of the world gapes in childlike awe as the Madame Fran is returned to her kingdom and a beautiful rainbow covers the skies and Skittles candy rains on everyone. I think we can get product placement from Skittles.
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7-28-2006 @ 11:48AM
pat miller said...
Simpson's did it.
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7-28-2006 @ 11:49AM
Randi said...
Am I the only one who remembers the FAILED Saturday morning Sea-Monkeys tv show from the 80's featuring none other than Howie Mandell? I wish I had forgotten too...
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