And the Winner of a Fangoria Chainsaw is....

SPOILER ALERT: The Fangoria Chainsaw Awards won't be broadcast on television until October 22, but like all reputable award shows, it was taped a week in advance. Do not venture below the jump if you'd prefer to enjoy the awards show while clapping your hands in mild surprise as the winners are announced.

EDITORIALIZATION ALERT: After learning which flick won the biggest award, I was inspired to throw a lot of extra opinion into this report, so be prepared to leave me comments that say either "Dude, you're entirely right," or "Man, you're a freaking idiot." Either way you'll probably be making an accurate statement.

The good news first: Slither, Zombie Honeymoon, Saw 2 and The Hills Have Eyes won some stuff, and that pleases me mightily. On the other hand, it seems that tons of gore-geeks are still convinced that Rob Zombie makes good horror flicks ... and I just can't wrap my head around that sentiment.


Check out the full list of nominees if you want a recap before reading about the winners.

Killer Movie (Best Horror Film): The Devil's Rejects. It beat out The Descent. Give me a small break already.

Most Thrilling Killing: The razor box in Saw 2. It was my vote.

Relationship from Hell: The idiots in The Devil's Rejects. Over the duos in Slither and/or Hard Candy. Ahem.

Best Butcher: Jigsaw disembowels a bunch of lunatics.

Creepiest Kid: Damien from the new Omen over the little girl from Silent Hill and the devilish freaklet from Hard Candy. The gal from An American Haunting should have got this one, as she's the only good thing in the whole freakin' flick.

Highest Body Count: Slither, for killing pretty much an entire town, and doing it with style.

Bloodiest Beatdown: Murderous Mutant vs. Young Republican in The Hills Have Eyes. Good call, although some of the competition was pretty solid.

Best Indie: Zombie Honeymoon snags a prize over Hard Candy and a handful of flicks that should probably just be happy with the nomination.

Looks That Kill (Best FX): KNB's excellent work on The Hills Have Eyes wins over the equally impressive Slither work. Silent Hill, The Descent and Underworld 2 were also up for this one. Tough category.

And then there were a few TV/music video awards that didn't really interest me all that much. Check 'em out if you like, and also let me know what happened to the Best One-Liner, Best Foreign and Best Hero/Heroine categories. I could have sworn they existed at one point.

But if you didn't read any of this report because you wanted to enjoy the broadcast, you'll want to be reminded that the Chainsaw Awards will be shown on Fuse this Oct. 22.