40 Things That Only Happen in the Movies

He left out a bunch of sports rules.

1. Any young person with enough desire can train for a few weeks (cue the training montage) and defeat a professional that has been practicing his sport for a lifetime.

2. Parachutes
a. Even though modern parachute static lines are made with velcro that releases with 50 lbs of force somehow they will drag 200 lb man through the air making lose all his equipment.

b. Although modern parachutes are made with ripstop nylon, they will develop a tear that spreads and collapses the parachute

c. Skydives tend to last 5 or 7 minutes, instead of the typical 2, even at highest elevations.


3. Although in real life, even when one puts a handgun in a vise, the bullets will form a random dispersal pattern around the bulls eye, a pro will be able to paint a smiley face or do some other amazing marksmanship trick that can't even be done with a sniper rifle.

4. A bow and arrow master will be able to pierce an arrow that someone else has shot straight into the middle of a bulls eye.

5. Mountain climbers will be able to sprint and jump even when climbing at high altitude.

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What? You mean you can't do all those things? ha- it's all reality for me!

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Taking a shower:
1.) you may be attacked by a madman while showering.
2.) you either have a clear shower curtain or a clear
shower door that immediately fogs up when you get in.

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I love that there is never a screen when someone opens a window... someone can can quickly open the window and throw something out but in real life I struggle to open the window then I can never lift the screen or storm window!Just once let a character open the window, but have the item bounce back on cuz there was a storm window too! LOL!

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People have no problem running away from a ball of fire unless they're the bad guy, and they have a window or body of water nearby so they can either jump through or in. And, when a car blows up, it's usually the guy that is walking away and doesn't flinch or jump who planted the bomb.

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In the movies all women wake up with either neat or adorably tousled hair. And judging by eager kissing by the just awakened no one ever has morning mouth.

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Roger Ebert has been listing these movie truisms for years in his Movie Glossary feature. He deserves credit for the concept.

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Gunfights. Thousands of rounds fired and whereas there should be scores of dead civilians...there are usually none.

"Roll that video back". One of my faves. After watching a movie for hours trying to figure out who did what, some cop will ask a techie to roll back a video and then spot some stupid clue that solves the case. Something like "I think that pissant in the grass is pregnant." "Can you blow it up some."

Tires that constantly squeal. Like if somebody is in a fast food lane waiting for a cheeseburger, his tires squeals as he inches up. Those damn tires squeal when the car is standing still for Pete's sake.

Any scene in a bathroom must have a couple of thousand candles burning and a big ass knife sitting in a drawer.

Dumb ass "original" music. It's like nobody can hit it off until music is played. Even if they're lost in the woods or something. Even the Titanic did'nt sink until a full blown orchestra started playing. If that damn orchestra did'nt start playing that stupid music, the boat would of never sunk.

When CSI's can't find finger prints at a crime scene, some genius will always say "the perp must have worn gloves". Duh.

Why do directors think the story line in a movie is propelled forward when they have one of the stars barf in a toilet? What a nice site (and sound) while your eating your $8.00 box of popcorn.

Why do slashers kill off young strong men in a flash, but take forever to kill off the skinny girl at the end. If she does get killed off.

Kung Fu movies just got to get real. I'm sick of seeing people fight by hovering around like a Macy's Thanksgiving Day float. Barney vs. Sesame Street might make for a good Kung Fu movie.

Why are all crime syndicate characters Italian?

Why are all terrorists of Arab descent?

If you want more rants, email me.

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Whenever drinking an alcoholic beverage, it is a requirement to ALWAYS wipe your mouth off with the back of your hand or forearm!

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did not yet read the book,but hope the following is in: in the old westerns when they have a shoot out the hero fires 10-maybe 15 rounds out of his "six-shooter killing the bad guys that are about 50 60 yards away but when he and the top bad guy are all that is left they suddenly both have no ammo left in their guns and then have to fight it out man to man and what is more astounding ; the here does not lose his hat during the whole fight ---i just loved those movies LOL

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What happens to the food and drink that the characters order in a diner that they never have time to touch before they are called to leave?

How can they afford to always drop a $20 bill and just manage sip of their beverage each time?

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In movies sex scenes seem to play out over hours, We all know in real life more then 3 minutes is OVERTIME

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1) No matter how clumsy, inept or undisciplined the "hero" is, he can always do the job better than a trained, competent professional.

2) The winner in any sport must always climb his way up from rock-bottom. If it involves baseball or football, it will have no more than five decent players.

3) A "sequel" does not have to have any kind of logical connection to the previous story or chapter.

4) Nothing ever happens in a city with a population between 50,000 and 100,000. It's either a BIG city, or some place in the middle of nowhere.

5) Monsters affected by radiation always grow to 100 times their normal size, kill people, and reproduce (or threaten to do so); but they never develop cancer or impotence.

6) Any spaceship flown by the hero is either a piece of junk, or becomes heavily damaged, but wins the battle anyway.

7) In any given crisis, there will always be a reclusive scientist who just HAPPENS to be working on just the right invention to solve the problem. Despite the fact that it is untested, it will work perfectly. It will never be used again. And the inventor always dies.

8) A horror movie will always begin with a group. There will be only two survivors, and they must be a man and a woman, who are either already in love, or fall in.

9) An archaeologist will always find either a monster or a magical device, or both.

10) Ugly women are never heroes.

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All young virgins get pregnant the very first time they have sex.

In the really old movies people fall in love with someone they have know less than one day.

There is always a cab immediately available to "follow that car"

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People kiss like they are eating noodles. Who makes that much noise swapping tongues?

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Anyone can ride on the roof of a speeding car by simply holding on to the little ridge at the top of the windshield

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Why are all terrorists of Arab descent?

Well....maybe because they are?

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Squealing tires on loose dirt

The good guy rarely runs out of ammo only bad guys do. And if the good guy does run out just about any dropped clip from the bad guys will work in the good guys gun

Whe lighting cigaretes or cigars the lighters always work on the first try.

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17. In a major capital city (Paris is a major example) not matter where the hotel is located you get a perfect view of the city's major tourist attraction or landmark (ex. the Eiffel Tower in Paris)

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In every jackie chan movie he'll punch a guy and the guy will lie there on the ground, presumably dead because you never see him again.

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