Q: What do Code Name: The Cleaner and Cars have in common?

A: The "outtakes" in the closing credits were the funniest parts of the movie.

My expectations for Code Name: The Cleaner were not high -- certainly not as high as they were for Cars, or even for Flushed Away. I expected to see a silly, predictable comedy with wacky hijinks provided by Cedric the Entertainer, vampy allure provided by Nicollette Sheridan, and -- Lucy Liu? I wasn't sure how Liu got involved with this movie but I always enjoy watching her in action. Even with low expectations, however, I was disappointed in this movie.

Code Name: The Cleaner hangs its comedy on a stale action-adventure storyline. Jake (Cedric) wakes up one morning in a strange bed, unsure how he got there, his head hurting as if in the throes of a hangover. He realizes someone's next to him, and immediately starts ass-grabbing. Okay, raise your hands -- who thinks that the unseen stranger in bed is going to be a guy? Yep. Gotta get that first laugh in there. But at least there's a twist: it's a dead guy, who turns out to be an FBI agent. Jake can't remember how he got there or even who he is -- his head is hurting due to an injury that inflicted Hollywood Amnesia upon him.
Jake manages to escape with help from the mysterious Diane (Sheridan), who tells him that she's his wife. She also informs him that he's rich and lives in a swanky mansion with a butler. Jake suspects -- and we realize immediately -- that something's fishy here. Meanwhile, a doctor summoned to treat Jake's amnesia informs Diane that Hollywood Amnesia lasts only a few days, that Jake will certainly remember things in time for the climax of the film, but if she wants him to recoup his memory faster, she might try ... arousal. This provides the film with an excuse to show off Sheridan in skimpy underclothes.

I know that Code Name: The Cleaner isn't supposed to be an intellectually challenging film by any means. Lots of people say they don't want to think when they see a movie -- they just want to sit back and enjoy the fun. The problem is that the comedy in Code Name: The Cleaner is wrapped in a mystery plot, and part of the fun of that kind of movie is being held in suspense, and trying to guess what's going on -- which does provoke some light thinking on the audience's part. I don't mind a suspense film that doesn't hold together on serious discussion after the movie is over, provided it moves quickly or makes sufficient sense while I'm watching it (The Departed and Inside Man are two good examples). But Code Name: The Cleaner doesn't stand up to even the mildest questioning during the film. Would the FBI really act that incompetently? Do people really leave the keys in the ignition of their luxury automobiles parked out in the driveway? Do videogame companies have rooms that contain human-sized "props" from the games? And does anyone believe for one minute that Lucy Liu's character is just a waitress?

The movie is full of dumb movie cliches: a chase scene in an airport, a time-sensitive scramble for a magical computer chip ... even sodium pentothal makes an appearance. Two women fight and immediately a character imagines them embracing in a hot tub. A woman is subjected to minor sexual abuse and we're supposed to find that funny ... and "funnier" still, she likes it! In addition, product placement appears in overt and annoying ways.

Code Name: The Cleaner does have some entertaining moments. I enjoyed the sequence in which Jake disguises himself as a Dutch clog dancer -- mainly because the character and the actor both seem to be having a wonderful time in such a silly scenario. Cedric the Entertainer can't sustain an entire movie as a comic would-be action hero -- he doesn't have the charisma. But he can make certain comedy sequences come to life; I believe he's better suited to supporting roles. Nicollette Sheridan (best known as the slutty divorcee on Desperate Housewives) is so campy as the "wife" that it's difficult to believe she's supposed to be a security chief at a videogame company. Niecy Nash (from Reno 911!) has a small but funny role as a security guard named Jacuzzi (it's French) with a little crush on Jake.

In fact, the whole cast plays Code Name: The Cleaner with a little bit of camp, overacting, and comedic exaggeration: with one exception. Lucy Liu plays the "waitress" Gina in a completely straightforward manner, just as she might in any real action movie. Once the character reveals the truth about herself, it's almost as though she's stepped out of another film entirely, one I wish I'd seen instead of Code Name: The Cleaner. Liu gets a chance to show off a few fabulous fight moves, but it's not enough to warrant seeing this film. Go rent Kill Bill, Vol. 1 instead if you need a Liu fix.

The movie is directed by Les Mayfield, who also directed The Man (the buddy-film flop with Samuel L. Jackson and Eugene Levy) and remakes of Flubber and Miracle on 34th Street ... not exactly innovative filmmaking. And as for co-writer George Gallo ... what happened to the guy who wrote the great action comedy Midnight Run? Just thinking about Midnight Run makes me feel sad that Code Name: The Cleaner is such a lame and feeble attempt at action comedy.

Tags: Cedric the Entertainer, Cinematical, film, Lucy Liu, movie, Nicollette Sheridan