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If Braveheart were stripped of its meat, spray-painted gold and served as the poorest of value meals at McDonalds, there's a good chance you'd end up with something resembling 300 -- Zack Snyder's long-awaited adaptation of Frank Miller's graphic novel. Imagine if the front page of (insert the name of a popular muscle magazine) suddenly sprung to life -- in all of its fake tan glory -- and brought with it one of the most overly hyped films in history. You know its bad when the audience laughs at your main villain and, when they boo as the end credits begin to roll, all there's left to do is whisper -- not scream -- "This is Sparta?" Like Robert Rodriguez's Sin City, 300 was filmed entirely in front of a green screen. Thus, it looks pretty but feels fake, making it so the entire film rests on the shoulders of its script and cast.
At least Sin City had actual talent to go along with its intertwining storyline and poetic dialogue -- all 300 has going for it is a bunch of sexy men swinging swords and screaming bloody murder. Spartans believe that death on the battlefield is their greatest glory, and so they train their sons to become warriors from a very young age, forcing them to leave home and live amongst the wilderness for years as a test of willpower and strength. This is the path Leonidas (Gerard Butler) takes as a child -- trained to fight by his father -- and sent into the woods to do battle against mother nature and a lone, fierce-looking wolf. When Leonidas emerges, he is king of Sparta -- a militant man who will fight to the death any army that threatens to strip him of his wife, his home and his freedom.
But all is not well in Sparta; the Persians are advancing, and they have sent a messenger to offer Leonidas a deal: kneel down before Persian King Xerxes and your people will be spared rape, torture and death. Before the Spartan council can discuss the matter, Leonidas takes it upon himself to promptly kill the messenger and declare war -- calling upon his strongest 300 soldiers to join him in battle. When the Oracle (a half-naked woman who dances around a scarf in slo-motion while somehow predicting the future) informs Leonidas that he will fail in his mission, the rest of Sparta refuses to accept their King's decision. Denied the use of his own army, and with all of Greece turning its back, Leonidas angrily leaves Sparta with his 300 soldiers on a quest to defeat the great Persian army ... and its thousands upon thousands of followers.
Leonidas comes up with a plan to trick the Persians; trapping them within a narrow path so that the Spartans can have their way with the enemy. Of course, there's a secret back-door entrance that, if the Persians discovered, could give them the sneak-attack advantage. But no Spartan would dare give up that information to their rival, right? Finally, after a long drawn-out opening (which felt as if it were written by a seven year-old, and not the great Frank Miller), Zack Snyder's epic battle sequences begin. Heads are sliced off, bodies stack up -- you've got evil elephants, a rhino and an eight-foot warrior who goes down fairly easy -- not to mention the Persian's fearless leader; the awfully feminine-looking Xerxes, who comes draped in gold, bronze as can be.
The enemy comes in all different masks, shapes and sizes, but the fight scenes are way too stylized to effectively engage the audience. Snyder's effects take all the realism out, and the acting (with lines that range from "Spartans Blah Blah Fight!" to "Spartans Blah Blah Attack!") drowns out the passion. There's no doubt Frank Miller's graphic novel is a fun read, but Zack Snyder's interpretation was a boring, fast-food version of better films, with better scripts, better acting and better battles. 300 men fought to defend their freedom but, in the end, 300 people (including me) wanted their two hours back.
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 5)
2-14-2007 @ 4:09PM
Traboyk said...
Wow. Let the flame wars begin. I figure this might walk the thin line Sin City did (guady, big and splashy, dripping in geek) but not pull off the fine balance of enjoyment and camp. But I am still curious to see it. Can't be worst than MI:3
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2-14-2007 @ 4:13PM
Quetzalcoatl said...
ouch!
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2-14-2007 @ 4:26PM
Flit said...
IGN gives this movie 5/5. Someone here is lying. Now, who is the one who is lying? Frank miller was never really known for his writing (you ever read the batman frank miller stuff, not the best dialogue i've ever seen). He was known for his art, which seems like this movie is thick on, but you particularly didn't like. I bet it also didn't help to have a theatre full of movie geeks booing to affect your review...
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2-14-2007 @ 4:51PM
Rickmeister said...
I just read IGN's five-star review before reading this, and both reviews are like night and day! IGN's review seems to think the film is quite cinematically poetic, while this review finds it dumb. So far, a couple of polarizing reviews. You know what this means. 300 might end up being one of those "you either like it or you don't" movies.
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2-14-2007 @ 4:56PM
Alienhead said...
9.2/10 (938 votes) - IMDB
hmm....Seems like a some people like this movie.
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2-14-2007 @ 5:03PM
Nick James said...
Whomever goes into this movie expecting realism is a fool. That's like saying Sin City sucks because it's not realistic. "That Marv guy was just hit by a car a shitload of times!" Yeeeeah.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the world of Frank Miller, where all that is emphasised is STYLE and ASSKICKING.
Don't expect anything more.
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2-14-2007 @ 5:50PM
Stan Winsome said...
Hey thinks for deleting my comments. Last time I check saying the letter F is not a bad word but oh well...
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2-14-2007 @ 5:57PM
bgdc said...
I don't want to sound like a child but I told ya all so. :p
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2-14-2007 @ 6:22PM
Nathaniel said...
Alright, you're obviously a douche of a reviewer, Erik Davis, with no appreciation for the source material and therefor no credentials for writing this review. You write that the dialogue "felt as if it were written by a seven year-old, and not the great Frank Miller," and then you proceed to mock dialogue FROM the graphic novel. Have you even read it? It sounds to me like someone got a little too caught up in the moment and forgot how to do their job. Remember, this review is coming from a guy who earlier today declared, on the weight of ONE industry screening, "I feel pretty confident in saying this flick will hit the States with a huge thud," disregarding the overwhelmingly positive response it's gotten in test screenings. What does the general populace know about what the, er, general populace is going to like anyway? Hail Berlinale!
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2-14-2007 @ 9:15PM
jonathan said...
take a deep breathe there buddy. i'll still watch it, but since the review was put up today i have to ask...did your significant other break it off with you or something? seems like you were extremely pissed at this movie or at someone. dun dun dun.
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2-14-2007 @ 9:34PM
Faenwyn said...
Thanks to Google alerts, I have read over 100 reviews of this movie and your's is the only negative review. You kept saying the audience did not like it. The truth is that you did not like it, and that is OK. If it was not your cup of tea, just say so!!! You did not understand that it was a movie and not a documentary, maybe someone should have explained that to you before you went hunting for all this 'REALISM'
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2-14-2007 @ 9:56PM
lkh said...
http://www.comicbookresources.com/news/newsitem.cgi?id=9659
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2-14-2007 @ 10:59PM
kaptainbarbosa said...
No big surprise. The movie looked pointless from the start, but what do you expect? It's based on a comic book. I'm sure simpletons like Nathaniel will enjoy it.
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2-15-2007 @ 12:12AM
Sue said...
Amazing, how the reviews are running so positive except for yours. I think you will have to try harder to convince people that you are really able to give an honest opinion about this movie when you flip-flop on your critique so much! It is alright to either like it or not, but be honest and give us YOUR opinion...not the opinion heavily influenced by the juvenile actions of those around you.
I understand the hows and whys of how "300" was made, and I am very anxious to experience the movie for myself. I have a feeling I will be siding with all the positive reviews, and not your single negative one. Suzanne
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2-15-2007 @ 3:58AM
P. Herman said...
Some people like to be the fly in the ointment and Erik seems to relish the role. He says this movie looks fake -- well, what movie doesn't? From the makeup to the costumes to the set decorations -- movies are heightened reality and are fake. As for laughing at the main villan -- Xerxes, the God king of the Persian Empire covering most of the know world and who was in an all out offensive to defeat Greece before moving on to control Europe -- how would you portray a man who believed it was his destiny to rule the world? Big, bold, and covered with the golden glory of his conquests sounds about right to me. He had no need really to threaten and thunder -- he had made most nations kneel just by showing up and asking in a soft voice that they lay down their arms so that their homes, wives and children would be spared.
Anyway, the real issue of Xerxes and his father before him wanting to control Greece is just a peg to hang a "battle to the last man" movie on. The sacrifices made by the Spartans, Thespians, and other Greeks involved is a stirring story of which modern Greeks are justly proud.
This movie with its larger than life characters and overly dramatic effects emphasises the love of home and country and maybe that just seems too trite for Europeans who would rather watch movies about people sitting around smoking and discussing who has more ennui.
As for me, I'll be at 300 opening day.
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2-15-2007 @ 4:55AM
Erik Davis said...
Wow, never in my life have I received so many hurtful comments after a review. Look folks, I always enter a film with an open mind, and really want to pick out the good versus the bad. I was looking forward to 300 just as much as the next guy, but it did not sit well with me. Was I a little bit too harsh after watching 17 films and not sleeping here in Berlin? Perhaps. I think most around me are a bit jaded by now, covering a major festival like this is pretty tough stuff.
Is it tough watching a movie amongst people who do not like it right from the start, who block your view every five seconds as they exit the theater, laugh throughout and boo at the end? Very.
Is it hard walking out of said movie, and running into a couple people who also hated the film, two of which had walked out a half hour in. Very.
Also, when I review most films, I have a few days to sit on the film, and think about it. Not here. I have two hours to get the review up. Two hours after I watched 300, I was jaded. Sorry, but that's how I felt. It was not the movie I had hoped it would be.
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2-15-2007 @ 5:42AM
Aaron Hillis said...
Erik, there's no need to apologize for calling bullshit over what garbage "300" turned out to be.
Looks like Harry Knowles' fanboy minions are just bored today, safely protected behind their fake names.
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2-15-2007 @ 6:53AM
Kevin Cardoza said...
Exactly, Aaron is right. Don't take internet comments to heart. Your review is idiotic and completely wrong - says everyone who hasn't seen it yet but has made up their mind that it's awesome.
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2-15-2007 @ 11:59AM
cturner said...
Well what people tend to forget about these type of movies is that it is a comic book story. Granted about a true event but it's from a comic book. Everything is over the top. Especially comics from Frank Miller. Everything you've described and even the other reviews have described is that we're getting to see another Miller book come alive in typical Miller fashion and those of us waiting to see that wont be disapointed.
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2-15-2007 @ 2:22PM
michael p. said...
Ignore the rabid comic book fans; they'll do that for anybody who's says anything even remotely negative about their beloved, beefcake heros. I thought your review was actually well balanced, and hey! It isn't as though you don't like Frank Miller or fakeness or comics in general since you said you enjoyed "Sin City" which WAS poetic. But looking at the previews for 300 that I've seen so far, it looks exactly as you've described it; the same thing we see a million times over only more boring. I didn't even know there WAS a plot until you wrote this review! All I see from the previews are, "Muscle men! Hash, slash, gore! Roar! See Og Fight!"
I'm sure 300 has it's own merits in it's own way, but Frank Miller's work is something that can be done either really, really well or really, very poorly, and it looks like this latest one fell into the later category.
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