Oscar Liveblogging: Red Carpet Madness

To kick things off, Erik, Monika and Kim are liveblogging the red carpet coverage on E! The newest stuff is on top; read down to go back in time.

Erik: Ah, there's nothing like the classic production shot -- with a bunch of guys who were probably so pissed they had to actually dress up to sit in a room and yell, "Take, Seacrest!" Holy cow, the song Lady in Red was written for moments like this, with Nicole Kidman. Ryan asks about her car accident, and it's almost like she wants to say, "Actually Ryan, you're the car accident." Weird Keith Urban answer -- where is he, again?

And that about wraps us up -- check out our final predictions post, and we'll see you in just a bit for the ceremony. Yay, no more Ryan Seacrest ... until Tuesday ... and Wednesday ... and Thursday.

Kim: Queen Latifah, who will be presenting with John Travolta, looks fantastic. Cut to a shot of Abigail Breslin, looking cute as a button in an age-appropriate pink dress. She is SO damn cute. Now we're onto Meryl Streep. It seems everyone in the cast of The Devil Wears Prada got together and said, "Hey, let's do Opposite Day at the Oscars! Since we're in a film about fashion, we'll all dress badly!" Jay was picking on Anne Hathaway's gown earlier, he should have a heyday with Meryl.

Monika: Oh yes, I'm sure you were looking at Tracey Edmunds before Eddie Murphy. That went relatively smoothly, but I was more distracted by the enormous, hideous bow on Nicole Kidman's dress. The lady needs to eat a cheeseburger and not pick bows bigger than her cranium.

And Ms. Winslet is now talking to Ryan and still looks lovely. Ricky JARVIS. Who is that? Ricky Gervais. If he is going to send Kate special messages, you think he'd know how to say his name. I think Ricky's Siamese would be better than Seacrest at this job. Queen Latifah looks scared to walk up to Seacrest. Now he looks like a little person. And finally, Reese still looks hot, and the other Ryan is still crazy for dumping her.

Erik: Ryan is with Cate Blanchett, who looks like a silver statue. Very elegant. She will "die of shock" if she somehow beats Jennifer Hudson. Yikes ... although it would be an interesting acceptance speech. And then we cut to Ellen Degeneres on the set of her American Express commercial? And we care about this, why? All it does is make us want to see that turtle host the Oscars instead of her. Not a good thing.

Kim: Nice shot of J Lo looking sultry with Marc Antony. Not crazy about that dress, and what's up with her Mary Tyler Moore hairdo. Now we're examining Beyonce. Hate her dress, but I'm glad to see her boobies covered. We saw enough of them at the Golden Globes. Jay isn't digging on her dress either.

On the other hand, Gwyneth Paltrow looks amazing. Very much better than that dreadful goth look she had a few years back. This year she opts for long, straight tresses and a gorgeous an apricot-ish gown. The earrings don't do it for me, though, and the lipstick is a little too red for the dress. Jay apparently doesn't like it, because they had to take a break for Ryan to schmooze with Beyonce before breaking out The Pen.

Monika: Ryan cried while watching Prada. Anne Hathaway is being nice, and not telling him what a tool he is. Just before this, Kirsten Dunst showed up, fixing tuxes in her doily with dead birds at her feet. It's hideous. It looks like the trio are agreeing with me. I'm ignoring their detailed commentary, and imagining Sacha Baron Cohen lying on a chaise, half-nude, waiting to be fed strawberries.

Alan Arkin looks like Alan Arkin. I think he wants to deck Seacrest, or just pretend he can't hear him. They're talking about their futile plans to keep little Abigail from hearing profanities. Gwyneth is looking amazing... But first up is Forest. He doesn't want to forget anyone. If he wins, I predict a LONG acceptance speech.

Erik: Man, I cannot stand this freeze-frame thing -- I almost feel like John Madden is giving commentary on a touchdown, except when I look up there's a big yellow triangle on Leo's crotch. Ryan is now with Spike Lee (who looks like a French kitchen floor in that outfit). Plugs Black History Month. A given. Talks up Jennifer Hudson's performance. A given. Next up is Celene Dion; in her long green dress, she looks like a well-manicured lawn. She's at the top of her game in the music world? Really? Is it 1997?

Kim: Ryan's chatting up Helen Mirren. She even sounds good talking to Ryan. She has a little Union Jack flag, very cute. While we pause for this commercial break, I just have to note: doesn't Penelope Cruz look fantastic in that blush Versace dress? She looks absolutely stunning. Oh,and props to Cameron Diaz for looking hot in the wake of the break-up with Justin Timberlake.

Monika: Ryan is talking to Leo, who brought his Mom. Seacrest looks really, really short. But I'm just glad that he's not talking to a girl and trying to convince the world that he is hetero, with quotes like: "Awh man, it's like hottie after hottie." DiCaprio co-star Djimon is looking pretty saucy. Ryan is thoughtfully showing the Janet Jackson video, and even better -- Paula Abdul. Somehow, I bet this is not what he wanted to think about when at the Academy Awards. Is Ryan actually shocked that Juliana is asking about his underwear? It's not like Seacrest is a sea of classy.

Erik: Why does Ryan like the word "wang" so much? I think he might have scared Rachel Weisz (who looks pretty damn hot). Tell me there's not a small part of you who doesn't wish Ryan Seacrest and Carson Daly somehow hooked up and became a couple.

Ryan moves onto Jessica Biel -- who, honestly, doesn't deserve to be as famous as she is. What does this girl do? What makes someone want to wear hot pink on the red carpet? Ryan goes from her dress to being a dog lover -- what's he trying to say right there?

Kim: Well, here we are at the Red Carpet! E! has been on for about an hour now, but we're here now, so the party can start. Ryan's being all schmoozy with JLo and Marc Anthony. They're friendly and chatty and blab about ... some new show ... blah blah ... and they're gone.

Now we're onto Jodie Foster, one of my personal faves. Ryan compliments her gown and she quips that she "dyed her eyes to match it." She looks fantastic, great haircut and she just burns with brains. Seacrest introduces her to Penelope Cruz. Thanks, Ry.