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Larry the Witness Protection Guy

So far, Larry's (Dan Whitney) been the cable guy, the military guy, that blue collar comedy guy and, to some (like me), a guy that's just not very funny. But screw what I think, apparently his shtick is popular enough that it warrants a number of crappy films -- in fact, the Hollywood Reporter tells us he's just signed on to one more. Git-R-Done! This time, he'll be Larry the Witness Protection Guy in a flick called -- wait for it -- Witless Protection. Because, see, he's a moron and he'll have to protect someone. Parallel Entertainment Pictures is financing and producing after doing so on the last two Larry-related pics; Lionsgate will distribute.

Charles Carner will direct off his own script, which follows a small-town sheriff who witnesses what he thinks is a kidnapping, though it actually turns out to be FBI agents assigned to protect a girl and deliver her to an Enron-type corruption trial. Of course, the FBI guys are eventually outed as the bad guys and, well, Larry (or whoever he's playing this time) will have to Git-R-Done! Also starring are Ivana Milcevic, Yaphet Kotto, Peter Stormare, Joe Mantegna (trying to make rent, Joe?) and Eric Roberts. Production begins next month, and I'm sure we'll get to watch this puppy shoot straight to number one at the box office next year.

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