Fan Rant: Burger King Needs to Get More 'Simpsons Movie' Toys!

by Scott Weinberg Aug 13th 2007 // 9:02PM

Filed under: Animation, Comedy, Fandom, 20th Century Fox, Movie Marketing, Fan Rant

I don't have any children of my own -- but I have a lot of old friends who are precisely my age. And they ALL have kids. Big bunches of sticky, adorable, smart, loud, wonderful, moody kids. Once in a while I'll get an amusing little phone call that sounds a lot like this: "Hi Uncle Scott it's Robby do you wanna eet at Bugger King and get some Smimmpsons toys?" Now, when your seven-year-old godson asks you a question like that -- you really can't say no. (Truth be told I'd just eaten half a pizza, but I love this kid almost as much as I love The Simpsons.)

So off we go to Burger King and the three kids (Robby, 5-year-old Matty and 3-year-old Ms. Natalie) are on their extra-best behavior because ... they want the Simpsons Movie toys! So when we return to the table with a tray full of char-broiled meat and crusty chicken parts, the kiddies dive straight into their bags for their their plastic pals from Springfield. Robby finds a Spongebob keychain. Matty finds a mini Holly Hobbie doll. Natalie gets a Tonka Truck.

Screaming ensues.

Now, I know this sounds pretty stupid to the mature grown-ups of the world, but the phrases "while supplies last" and "we don't have any left" mean very little to children under the age of seven. They were getting Burger King as a special treat, the TV promised them a Simpsons toy for their troubles -- and they got rooked. So yes, crying did ensue. Weeping, bawling, monumental pouting, you name it. When I politely asked the counter-gal if they had any Simpsons toys in the back, she semi-rolled her eyes and said "No, we ran out yesterday morning" -- which I found really strange since I'd been there the night before and bought a Homer Simpson figure along with a large vanilla milk shake. (Yeah, I collect 'em too. Even I have my weaknesses.)

The manager was slightly more polite as he explained something to the effect of "These guys come in and buy 30 at a time. Sorry." I was about to ask him if, considering how many weepy kids and disgruntled parents were in the dining area, he thought it was a good idea to bulk-sell his Barney Gumbles to the eBay lunatics who show up thrice a week -- but he's just doing his job, I suppose. Frankly, to throw a little boy a Holly Hobbie doll after his almost-broke Uncle Scott already BOUGHT the dang Kid's Meal seems like a blatant example of the ol' bait-and-switch.

So here's what I propose to the fine foodstuff purveyors of Burger King: Either stop letting the cheap losers buy up all the toys so they can make $1.15 profit on each one -or- simply manufacture more silly plastic dolls so you don't end up infuriating a large part of your proverbial bread and butter. (Plus I already have three Krustys and not one Apu. What's up with that??)

A few other mega-nerdly thoughts on this BK Simpsons promotion:

You produced 16 toys, one of which is a supposed to be Simpsons Movie villain Russ Cargill. Now that's just silly. There weren't enough classic Springfieldians to choose from? Plus the character design is completely different from the movie! It makes no sense!

Another of the 16 is a stupid "rare" Golden Homer that all the BK employees hide and take home with them. Meanwhile, ugly bartender Moe Szyslak doesn't even get a toy! Nor does Principal Skinner! (One of my very favorite characters -- and I didn't even see him in the movie!)

Comic Book Guy says "Excuse me." Sorry, but you really should stick with the classics where this character is concerned. (Worst. Catch-Phrase Dismissal. Ever.)

Sorry for being such a nerd, but me and The Simpsons go back a loooong ways.

--Scott Weinberg

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Tags: boooo, burger king, BurgerKing, ebay hoarders, EbayHoarders, fan rant, FanRant, simpsons movie, SimpsonsMovie, toys

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