Cinematical Seven: Teen Sex Comedies That DON'T Suck!

Way back in March of last year I wrote my very first Cinematical Seven piece. It was on a subject I'm very passionate about and it was called Horror Remakes That DON'T Suck! So to tie in with this weekend's arrival of the severely funny and teen-centric Superbad, we thought "teen sex comedies" would make for an amusing topic of time-wastage. So without further blather I give you: Cinematical Seven: Teen Sex Comedies That Don't Suck!

A few ground rules:

1. No John Hughes. Sorry.
2. Must be rated R.
3. Must have at least ONE naked breast. (Preferably two.)
4. Must be funny.
5. Must be about sex as related to teens.

The Girl Next Door (2004, Luke Greenfield) -- One of the most overlooked and unjustly dismissed "low-brow" comedies of the past five years, the flick tells the tender story of a mega-horny nice-guy teenager -- and the young porno queen who moves in next door. Aside from the fine performance from Emile Hirsch, the luminous presence of the stunning Elisha Cuthbert, and a lot of random sexiness, the flick pretty much belongs to supporting players Chris Marquette, Paul Dano and the awesomely oily Timothy Olyphant. (Funny Factor: 4 out of 5 / Sexy Factor: 4.5 out of 5)

Fast Times at Ridgemont High (1982, Amy Heckerling) -- Our own Patrick Walsh made this call -- but c'mon, how could it NOT make the list?? Leave it to a woman to deliver something that hundreds of male filmmakers couldn't: a teen sex comedy that's not only-drop dead funny, but also painfully honest and swollen with great performances. As Mr. Walsh puts it: "I just saw it again at the New Beverly and it holds up beautifully." And I don't think he's referring only to Phoebe Cates and her magical ascent from the swimming pool! (Funny Factor: 4.5 out of 5 / Jennifer Jason Leigh Factor 4.5 out of 5)

Revenge of the Nerds (1984, Jeff Kanew) -- The Scott Weinberg pick! (applause) Before all the lame-o sequels (including two travesties that were made for network television!) came this surprise hit in the summer of '84. Raunchy yet kinda warm; profane but kinda sweet, it paved the way for the earliest wave of nerds and allowed them to take over the world. (And if you don't think the world is currently run by nerds and former nerds, you might want to look a little closer.) Plus, c'mon: Aside from Bluto Blutarsky, is there a funnier scumbag in the universe than Curtis Armstrong's Booger? (Funny factor: 4 out of 5 / That's MY Pie! Factor: 4 out of 5)

The Last American Virgin (1982, Boaz Davidson) -- This one was off the list once or twice, but Erik Davis called it as his pick, so here it is: For about 75 minutes it's a typically broad, bouncy, blithering and booby-laden farce -- but then it takes a bleak left turn into astonishingly painful heartache. Indeed, everyone who's seen this one remembers the ending -- and very little else. (Funny Factor: 3 out of 5 / Pain Factor: 5 out of 5)

Risky Business (1983, Paul Brickman) -- The flick that made Tom Cruise a star is Jette's pick for best Teen Sex Comedy, and I'd have to agree that it's really up there: A studio-backed teen-focused sex comedy that's NOT base and smarmy and seedy? That actually has a really tight script and some very strong performances? Damn, I think I actually have to see this one again soon. It's been a while. Plus it's got Joe Pantoliano (as Guido the Killer Pimp), which always makes a good movie better. (Funny Factor: 4 out of 5 / I Take De Mornay Train Factor: 4.5 out of 5)

American Pie (1999, Paul Weitz) -- The 1990s were pretty unkind to the ol' Teen Sex Comedy, but just as the decade was dwindling down we got one rock-solid entry into the TSC Hall of Fame. No amount of lesser sequels or direct-to-video knock-offs can lessen the very wide opinion that American Pie is a really damn funny movie. (Kinda sweet, too!) I'm more a fan of the dialog than the pie-lovin' sequences, but I've seen the original AP on cable recently -- and dang if it still doesn't make me laugh. A lot. (Funny factor: 4.5 out of 5 / Hannigan's Hotter Than Elizabeth and Reid Combined Factor: 4 out of 5)

Porky's (1982, Bob Clark) -- Here it is: The scrappy little Canadian flick that took North America by storm, spawned two wretched sequels, and kick-started an entirely new (and generally unwelcome) sub-genre: The Teen Sex Comedy. Some would call Porky's the Citizen Kane of the Teen Sex Comedy, but aside from a few stray moments of really inspired humor -- the flick's kinda seamy and smug. Plus the movie sort of comes with its own laugh-track, and I've always found that rather annoying. Still, there's no denying that "the shower scene" is a true-blue classic. (Funny Factor: 3.5 out of 5 / Non-Stop Skin Factor: 5 out of 5)

Other suggestions from the Cinematical team include: Kim Voynar recalls (and sneers at) the slo-mo horseback bouncy-bouncy of Private School; James Rocchi refers you to his (yes) positive review of Eurotrip; Jeffrey M. Anderson throws some love towards the barely-remembered No Small Affair; Jessica Barnes has fond memories of skipping Class with Rob Lowe and Andrew McCarthy; Mr. Richard von Busack takes the high road and recalls Louis Malle's La Souffle au couer; Kevin Kelly has vague-yet-fond memories of Private Resort; Chris Ullrich goes unabashedly lowbrow with Hardbodies; Monika Bartyzel reaches back before '82 and throws her arms around Little Darlings; Christopher Campbell expresses some "affection" for Zapped!; Peter Martin reminds us of the non-stop jiggle-factor of The Beach Girls and the wonderfully gratuitous opening credits of Tomboy; and Patrick Walsh chimes back in to demand that Sixteen Candles be included because (to be fair) it does have one unforgettable shower scene. Plus one of my colleagues reminded me that Mischief is a very underrated little period-piece / sex comedy. Oh, and Up the Creek. That one rocks.

My apologies to The Allnighter, American Pie 2, Breaking All the Rules, Can't Buy Me Love, Fraternity Vacation, H.O.T.S., Hardbodies 2, Hamburger: The Motion Picture, Heaven Help Us, Hollywood Hot Tubs, Hot Dog: The Movie, Hot Moves, Jocks, Joy of Sex, Joysticks, Just One of the Guys, Loose Screws, Losin' It, Loverboy, The Malibu Bikini Shop, My Chauffeur, My Tutor, The Party Animal, Party Camp, Porky's 2: The Next Day, Porky's Revenge, Preppies, The Princess Academy, Private Lessons, Revenge of the Nerds 2: Nerds in Paradise, Road Trip, Screwballs, School Spirit, Secret Admirer, Ski Patrol, Ski School, Ski School 2, Spring Break, Spring Fever, Surf 2, Valley Girl, Virgin High, Where the Boys Are, The Wild Life and (of course) Zapped Again! Special apology to Not Another Teen Movie, which I think is pretty hilarious and I don't care who knows it.

For even MORE in the way of Adult-Oriented Humor, click right here to enjoy Moviefone's 25 Best Raunchy Comedies of All Time! And not just teen stuff!