Cinematical's Patrick Walsh on Owen Wilson's Suicide Attempt

Seeing as Cinematical is a movie blog, a lot of our writers come from a blogging background. In fact, to give you a little backstory on me, I first started writing for Cinematical over two years ago after Kim Voynar discovered my own personal blog and invited me to join the Cine team. Needless to say, life hasn't been the same since. Unfortunately, my old blog isn't around anymore (although I miss cursing and cracking jokes about idiotic co-workers, jerks in the elevator and marriage), but that doesn't mean I don't still lurk amongst some others. When we first contemplated bringing Patrick Walsh onboard, it was his personal blog that convinced me this guy was not only funny, but he possessed the kind of original voice we love to see round these parts. Thus, it is with my great pleasure that I bring you one of the funniest pieces of writing that I've read in a long time.

You'll be getting to know Patrick a little better when he debuts his brand new screenwriting column later today, but in the meantime I'm going to point you toward his personal blog for a little story he wrote on Owen Wilson's suicide attempt. Yes, it's old news. And yes, Patrick wrote it last week. But I just noticed it today, and felt it was too fantastic to let it fly under the radar. In the piece, Patrick writes under the guise of US Weekly reporter Lou Cypher, and attempts to get to the bottom of all those salacious Owen Wilson rumors. A few words of caution: If the Wilson incident hits a little too close to home for you, this piece may offend. Keep in mind this is purely for comedic purposes, and I'm sure Patrick has nothing against Owen Wilson or suicide attempts. Also, I should note that there is some mild foul language included within. All that being said, I hope you enjoy -- it certainly made my day.