The Worst Movie Pitches of All Time
Ordinarily, we only hear about those movie pitches that were successful -- the ones that landed at a studio, lined up actors, directors, etc ... But what about the horrible movie pitches? Variety doesn't give you a list of those. The ridiculously awful movie pitches; the pitches that often make their way around private Hollywood email chains when someone feels like sharing a laugh. Radar Online spoke to a bunch of different producers, agents and writers, and asked them for the worst pitches they've ever had to endure. Some of these are bad. Real bad. But I wouldn't be surprised to see them end up on the big screen in some shape or form down the line.
Among those listed are a project called Wheels, which comes with the pitch: "Jerry Maguire in a wheelchair." And here's the premise: "A hotshot sports agent parks in a handicapped spot and gets sentenced by a judge to spend a month in a wheelchair. Which is fine, until he falls for a woman with a real disability, but doesn't explain that he isn't actually handicapped. How's that for a third-act complication, motherf**ker?!" Oh, and then there's my personal favorite (no, it's not a homeless version of the TV show Friends -- another pitch that made their list) -- a project called Rock Op, which apparently had Jim Carrey lined up to star as "a DJ who specializes in playing 'torture' music to extract information from detainees." Apart from ruining Clay Aiken's career, I'm not entirely sure how this film could've won over audiences. Anyway, head on over to Radar to check out the rest, then come back and let us know which pitches are your favorite. Oh, and if you happen to have experienced your own horrible pitch session, do let us know (anonymously, of course) what the pitch was in the comments section below.
[via IMDb]
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)
11-19-2007 @ 2:37PM
Rich Drees said...
In his life Q&As, Kevin Smith tells the story of how he was pitched a movie where Michael Jackson played some weird kind of superhero who could turn into a car, into which a little boy would jump into so the two could have adventures. I can't remember if he was pitched to write the screenplay for the thing or direct from an existing screenply. It was also around that time he was offered to direct one of the two Beetlejuice sequels that had been developed, though for the life of me I can't remember if it was Beetlejuice In Love or Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian.
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11-19-2007 @ 2:37PM
Rich Drees said...
In his life Q&As, Kevin Smith tells the story of how he was pitched a movie where Michael Jackson played some weird kind of superhero who could turn into a car, into which a little boy would jump into so the two could have adventures. I can't remember if he was pitched to write the screenplay for the thing or direct from an existing screenply. It was also around that time he was offered to direct one of the two Beetlejuice sequels that had been developed, though for the life of me I can't remember if it was Beetlejuice In Love or Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian.
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11-19-2007 @ 3:02PM
techstar25 said...
"Wheels" has been picked up by the Farrelly Brothers, and Ben Stiller is set to star in it, after Vince Vaugn had to decline due to scheduling conficts.
Okay. Not really. But it wouldn't surprise anybody if it was true.
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11-19-2007 @ 4:27PM
Jim Landrith said...
"...but the real knee-slapper is in the third act. Despite all the boy goes through to win the bet, his father ruins it all when he accidentally makes an egg salad sandwich with the contents of the son's hidden mayonaise jar.
The title?... I call it 'The Aristocrats'!"
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11-19-2007 @ 9:34PM
JD said...
I assume you are inferring that Clay Aiken's music is "torture music". Funny, I feel just the opposite. I find his voice to be extremely beautiful and many of his songs quite soothing. He is one of the best singers I have ever heard. The only way it would be considered torture music is when they make the person stop listening to it!
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11-19-2007 @ 5:46PM
Franklin said...
Is "Rock Op" supposed to be a serious drama? Because, really, the premise could be a good comedy -- a satire about the deejay scene and interrogation/torture techniques. The article says it was pitched with Jim Carrey in mind (though he has done serious-minded movies).
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11-19-2007 @ 6:56PM
Miz Reel said...
The sad part is that these movies may actually surface and somebody will have invested money and time to make these circus show stories.
But hey I commend anyone that makes a film and gets it out there at least they pitched it :) that takes guts
http://community.sitv.com/user/mizreel?csid=AC
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11-20-2007 @ 11:05AM
Christal said...
I must have missed the memo. It's supposed to be cool to hate on Clay. He can't sing but Snoop Dog can...yeah..gotcha...not.
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11-23-2007 @ 11:45PM
Shawn said...
I can agree with some of what you said. I would just as well have my finger and toe nails pulled from my body with a pair of pliers than listen to Clay, but I would rather listen to him then the crap that Snoop makes! And what's up with Snoop being soooo skinny? What a stick boy! You'd think that having the munchies all the time he would gain some weight.
11-20-2007 @ 12:02PM
sindy said...
I agree with you JD and Christal. Funny thing though..if you look at the tags, he's put Clay Aiken's name first, so that tells me that even though his topic is, horrible movie pitches, he knows the only way someone will read this piece of so-called "writing is if he rags on Clay. That's what all aspiring uninspired writers do. Pick on someone in the public eye that they know have a tremendous amount of loyalty just so they will get noticed.
As for tortuous chamber music, you're obviously either deaf or ignorant. Compared to 99% of the "singers" a la rappers and hip hoppers (ha ha-didn't know rhyming words with cadence was singing, did you?) Clay Aiken's voice is far superior than anyone else's. He can actually sing! What a change of pace! And he doesn't have to have his pants hanging down to the crack of his behind to attract female attention. Just by virtue of being himself, added with his humor and incredible personality makes him stand above most others. I feel sorry for this writer AND people like Snoop Dog,50 cent, and all those other trashy singer wanna-be's.
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11-20-2007 @ 7:21PM
Jordan said...
wow...who knew that clay aiken's family read cinematical?
seriously, folks, why not stay on topic?
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11-23-2007 @ 9:01PM
Mark Ginsburg said...
ACTUAL PITCH - SPRAWLING EPIC TOLD IN FLASHBACK
Maynard and Camille, in their dotage, reminisce together as siblings do – his teen years as a Texas rodeo champ, Viet Nam and Medal of Honor, politics, the Governor's Mansion, and then the Senate - her misspent youth, drugs, prostitution, her rebirth in Christ and her founding of the Order, the years in the Vatican, advisor to three popes – both lived their lives determined to overcome all obstacles, not the least of which was the fact they were conjoined twins, joined at the forehead.
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11-23-2007 @ 9:10PM
MYCHAL WILLIAMS said...
LAST WEEK I SAW A MOVIE THAT MAY SOON BE ADDED TO THIS LIST : SOUTHLAND TALES!
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11-23-2007 @ 9:55PM
so over it said...
Thank you Jordan.
Nobody gives a crap about you people who love Clay Aiken it doesn't change that fact that he isn't the American Idol and no hip hop isn't going anywhere.
Yes please stay on topic and stop using these blogs as your speech podium.
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11-23-2007 @ 10:29PM
anna said...
hey sindy? the tags are alphabetical
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11-24-2007 @ 12:03AM
Liljaime6 said...
Sneakers
The Pitch: The Wizard of Oz meets Seabiscuit.
The Premise: "A down-on-his-luck racehorse is worried he may be off to the glue factory because he just can't seem to win the big one," remembers a development exec at an animation studio. "Until one day he stumbles upon a pair of magic tennis shoes to run in."
Suggested Tagline: The neighs have it!
I think it's more Seabiscut meets the children's book The Country Rabbit and the Little Gold Shoes...
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11-24-2007 @ 12:09AM
BRENNY said...
EVER HAD A (WELL WHAT YOU THOUGHT WAS) A REALLY GOOD DREAM OR A SCARY DREAM AND THOUGHT, WOW THIS BE A GOOD MOVIE. I HAVE DONE THIS QUITE OFTEN, BUT THEN WHEN I TRY TO REMEMBER IT, OF COURSE IT ALL VANISHES. BUT THEN, WHO WOULD I GET TO WRITE IT
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11-24-2007 @ 12:10AM
BRENNY said...
EVER HAD A (WELL WHAT YOU THOUGHT WAS) A REALLY GOOD DREAM OR A SCARY DREAM AND THOUGHT, WOW THIS BE A GOOD MOVIE. I HAVE DONE THIS QUITE OFTEN, BUT THEN WHEN I TRY TO REMEMBER IT, OF COURSE IT ALL VANISHES. BUT THEN, WHO WOULD I GET TO WRITE IT
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11-24-2007 @ 2:56AM
Vivi said...
Has anyone listened to Andre Bocelli or Pavarotti? It can't get any more lovely than that.
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11-24-2007 @ 3:10AM
Rick Badman said...
Here is an idea that is sure to be offensive. There is a fat farm run like a Marine boot camp by R. Lee Ermy who humiliates fatties, even those in wheelchairs, to force them to lose weight. The rest of the staff is just as brutal like the chef who is from the TV show "Hell's Kitchen" who serves the people food they may not like. But they are forced to eat it and are ridiculed by the chef for not eating it. The movie could be called "Living Off the Fat of the Land." It would be rated R mainly for the language and the way people are treated. There would even be a suicide or two and maybe some who die from exhaustion. It would definitely not be funny.
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