Killer B's on DVD: A Feast of Flesh

This is probably the best vampire brothel movie since Tales From the Crypt Presents Bordello of Blood. That's not saying much since, to the best of my knowledge, this recent release from Bloody Earth Films is the only blood sucking cathouse movie since that particularly odd partnership between The Crypt Keeper and Dennis Miller. Interestingly the word "vampire" is never used anywhere in A Feast of Flesh, which I think is a smart move. Once you actually use the word vampire you're stuck with it and all the clichés and predisposed notions that come with it. I think not using the word lends an air of mystery. John Landis did the same thing in Innocent Blood and of course one of the big jokes in Shaun of the Dead was to not use the "zed word" (meaning "zombie") because as Shaun puts it, "it's ridiculous."

An affable fellow named John wins an invitation to an exclusive brothel in a poker game. The Bathory house has been around for 200 years, offering its clientele the most exotic of carnal pleasures. The name of the place and its madame, a woman named Elizabet (nope, there's no "h" on the end) are obviously inspired by the real life Hungarian countess who is said to have bathed in the blood of young women in order to preserve her own youth. With invitation in hand, John tries to talk his buddy Seth into coming along, but he's still down in the dumps over his fiancée walking out on him and moving to New York. John decides to go anyway, bringing along his friend Aaron and his wife to be. As the prostitutes are brought out (a far less enticing bunch than we were led to believe) John recognizes one of them as Terri, Seth's ex-fiancée. He leaves his two companions to their carnal delights while he rushes off to tell his best friend that the love of his life would rather turn tricks than be with him. What a pal.
Terri's new vocation in the exciting world of prostitution, however, is the least of anyone's worries. Elizabet and her girls are vampires and Terri is in the process of becoming one as well. She's still squeamish about feeding directly from Bathory House's customers -- who are recruited solely to have their blood drained -- so Elizabet is letting her feed off her for now. Meanwhile Seth and John have been discussing the Bathory House issue quite loudly in a bar, attracting the attention of some vampire hunting mercenaries who take issue with the vamps preying on the locals. Their leader is a particularly unconvincing Irishman named Sheridan, played by director Mike Watt with a horrible fake accent that makes him hard to understand.

In addition to not using the "V" word, this one has a few interesting ideas about vampirism. Apparently the talisman used to keep a vampire at bay doesn't necessarily need to be a crucifix or even a religious icon of any kind. Whatever symbol a person has the most faith in will do the trick, which is demonstrated when one of the mercenaries gives one of the vamps a nasty burn by pressing a dollar bill to her skin ("money makes the world go round," he explains) and he wears a necktie with a dollar bill pattern to protect his jugular. There's also a cameo by scream queen Debbie Rochon as the house's previous madame Carmilla (an appellation swiped from the classic vampire tale of the same name), but the film ultimately flops.

Poor production values, including badly paced action sequences, and sex scenes that fail to be erotic (there's a reason they used the word "flesh" in the title) make this a tough one to sit through. Plot holes are numerous and distracting. If these mercenaries are intent on killing vampires why did they sign a treaty saying the girls could prey on out of towners? When John spots Terri at the brothel, why doesn't she recognize him? For sexy vampire fun may I suggest Vampyres (1974) or Daughters of Darkness (1971) but I suggest skipping the entrée that is A Feast of Flesh.