Cinematical

Welcome back to The Write Stuff, where I've been attempting to answer a question that dates back to the beginning of time:

How do writers get jobs on TV writing staffs? Do they have to write spec scripts?

For Part One of this answer, please refer to last week's Write Stuff, where we talked about putting together a portfolio of writing samples. Once you have a good mix of spec scripts and original material, that's the time to start the process of getting an agent. I've covered agent hunting in this column before, so I won't get too deeply into the specifics, but the key is not to give up. If you think you've got talent, stick to your guns. The people who make it in this business are the ones who face countless rejections, but don't throw in the towel. Just the fact that you have completed scripts will make you more enticing to agencies. So many people in Los Angeles walk around telling everyone "I'm a writer, I'm hilarious, look at me, love me!" but they've never finished a script! So many people! People out here think they're so wonderful and talented that big cheeses should be begging for their services. That attitude will get you into trouble. Perfect your material before you even consider heading out. You want to be rich and famous immediately, you're excited, but don't start selling yourself until you've got the genuine goods to sell.

When you do have your portfolio together and land that agent, the agent will send your material to network executives and development people. If these execs like your stuff, they will call you in for a general staffing meeting. These meetings are to make sure that they like you as a person, and that you would fit in on the writing staff of one of the network's programs. If an executive digs your writing and likes you as a human being, he or she may send your material to a show runner. The show runner reads your stuff, and if he or she likes the material, he or she will call you in for a...show runner meeting. These are very exciting, because they're generally the last step before you find out if you landed on a show or if it's back to turning tricks on Santa Monica Boulevard.

Must...block out...painful memories...

Moving on, the commenter above also asks about talk show staffing.

And what about talk shows? (The Daily Show, Conan) Are they recruited? How does it work? Thanks.

Late Night is a different ball game from Primetime, and one I can also offer some insider information on. Just before the WGA strike began, my writing partner and I were submitting to a lot of Late Night shows and taking staffing meetings. Now that the strike is on, instead of an agonizing week of waiting to hear if we got staffed, we have to wait for what might be months! I've chewed through three sets of fingernails...

Anyhoo, unfortunately your sitcom specs are not going to do you any good if you're looking for a Late Night gig. Each Late Night show has different submission requirements. We submitted packets to nearly every Late Night program outside of Cathouse, and they each wanted something different. One program wanted five pages of monologue jokes. One show wanted original sketches. One show wanted us to write sample questions for comedic interviews. Some shows wanted examples of how you'd write for their popular, recurring bits. A few shows had extremely specific, almost surreal submission requirements.

In other words, it's impossible to have exactly what a Late Night show will want ready to go when they ask, and impossible to guess when they'll need it. The Late Night shows have openings come up at random times, and for the most part they don't work on traditional staffing schedules. When we receive word of a Late Night opening from our agent, we generally only have a week or even a weekend to put everything together. It can be stressful, but hey, so can writing for a nightly television show! You have to come up with jokes every single night if you're staffed, so if you can't put a funny packet together in a couple days, Late Night is probably not for you.

If Late Night is your focus, a great way to help yourself is to have a bunch of sketches ready to go. (You can make them about current events, but just be aware that they could become dated pretty quickly.) If you have ten sketches, odds are you'll be able to use at least a couple of them when a program wants submissions.

It is also a good idea to start following the news -- you'll need to know what's going on in the world if you're staffed in Late Night. Check CNN every morning and write ten monologue jokes about the events of the day. This will help you see the funny in the often horrible world events that come down the news wire. A good trick is to write five punchlines for each setup, and choose the best one. This will force you to think beyond the obvious punchline. If a Late Night show wants political samples or monologue jokes, you'll have a huge list at your disposal. Have your friends help you pick the twenty (or fifty, or whatever they ask for) best to send, and be sure to include a few brand new ones, about events that happened the week you were asked to submit.

The commenter asks if talk shows "recruit" writers. This can happen, sure. If you've got sharp political videos causing a sensation on the interwebs, it's possible The Daily Show will seek you out. You can't rely on these dream scenarios, however.

Questions/comments/concerns, keep 'em coming here or on my personal site. For more information on the television writing world, be sure to read (or re-read!) my interview with Adam F. Goldberg, a former writer for Still Standing, and current consultant on the critically adored sitcom Aliens in America.