From the Editor's Desk: Who Wants to be President?

by Erik Davis Feb 6th 2008 // 6:02PM

So I'm watching this Super Tuesday coverage last night, and was I the only one who was completely lost? I won't go into who I'm voting for, or who I think you should vote for, but I will talk about the various television coverage. I primarily stayed on NBC, and I'm not sure why because those folks were all over the freaking map. The most confusing part was when they'd throw in these weird polls ... and then go all lightening round with them. There were polls for the very conservative, the somewhat conservative, the conservative's who think they're Democrats but might be Republicans -- WTF, NBC! Slow it the f*ck down for a second! There was this state and that state and the delegates from over there and the delegates from over here -- and then I'd switch to MTV and they'd have this "cool kids hand-held for the teenagers You Tube-style thing" featuring a girl next to a candidate asking some random question like, "Why would you be good for President?" Good job -- next let's ask them what they're doing for summer vacation.

Is it so much to ask for one dude in jeans and a "F*ck All This" t-shirt to come on TV and be like, "Okay, these people are all nuts with their charts and their sets and their 300 different correspondents. Here's what you need to know in seven minutes." Why can't ESPN cover the Presidential election? I want statistics -- like, here's how many times (insert whoever here) lied in 2007 versus how many times they lied in 2005. Give me stats! I want that kid on MTV to turn to a candidate and say, "Can you please explain what the f*ck a caucus is because I have no flippin' idea. And how come some states do it one way and others do it another way -- how come we can't all vote on one day, one way, and be over with it?"

Anyway, when they eventually make a movie about this "historical" election, who do you think should play all the candidates? I'll get us started -- Tommy Lee Jones would kick ass as John McCain!

6 Comments

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

2-06-2008 @ 9:54PM

Sweet T said...

Annette Bening for Hillary. They both have that odd vocal tonality I can't quite describe.

Obama is a little trickier, but I like Will Smith as a possibility.

2-06-2008 @ 6:59PM

Philip said...

My advice, no matter who someone is voting for:

Don't let 18-21 year olds decide who your next President will be. Get off your dead ass and go vote.

Someone who doesn't know how a 401k works shouldn't be deciding your future, my friend.

2-07-2008 @ 11:48AM

Kevin Polowy said...

The comic scholar over at Dustinland recently did a fine job at casting the contenders:

http://dustinland.com/archives/archives324.html

2-07-2008 @ 5:39AM

diane slattery said...

and why is this election historical... because we've never in our history has this country been so fucked... and no one's doing anything about the criminals about to flee the scene.

i'll vote for the candidate who doesn't say anything bad, negative or slanderous about another candidate!

2-22-2008 @ 5:20PM

David Morgan said...

I am so disgusted with the presidential candidates that I am seriously considering to run myself. As an Independent candidate, I would have no political favors to pay back. I could make some serious changes without harming my party. I could put issues on a ballot for the public to vote on. Thereby circumventing the Congress to get the ten or so issue I have planned. There would be no pork barrel spending in the bills, since I won't need to placate the Representatives and Senetors. My issues would inclued: reducing income tax by 2% while simultaneously instituting a 2% sales tax. I believe this would bring in more revenue than the 2% income tax. The extra revenue would be used to pay back debt and to help qualified people create start up businesses. They will hire people who are jobless. This alone will improve the county.

Sincerely,
David J. Morgan
Concerned Citizen

2-22-2008 @ 6:28PM

David Morgan said...

David J. Morgan’s proposal for the Presidencey.
I am so disgusted with the presidential candidates that I am seriously considering to run. As an Independent candidate, I would have no political favors to pay back. I could put issues on a ballot, temporarily circumventing the Congress. The issue would not have to have pork-barrel-spending in it since I will not need to placate the Congress to get the issues passed.
My first issue/bill will reduce income taxes by 2%, while simultaneously instituting a 2% sales tax. This would actually bring in more revenue, because people who do not file their taxes, report a loss every year, or report their income incorrectly would still have to pay at least the 2% sales tax. Use the extra revenue to pay back some borrowed money. Some of the money will fund a program that will assist people to form start-up businesses. These companies would hire currently jobless people. These start-up businesses would be required to follow advisement from appointed experts to ensure their success.
I will place a bill on the ballot that would make it compulsory for the Attorney General to pursue crooked public officials even after they resign. Some official resign and retain their benefits. This bill would actually send corrupt politician to a very real jail and take their benefits!
I will place a bill to reorganize and combine federal law enforcement management. This will reduce operating expenses and allow us to hire more border guards and improve their equipment. We need to control the border if we ever hope to know who and what is in our country.
I will place to reorganize and combine intelligence agencies, too. Use the money freed up to invest in future intelligence equipment to help us combat terrorism without spying on regular people’s phone conversations.
Form a coalition of small businesses on a national scale. This coalition would help small companies be more competitive in the job market by giving them access to less expensive health care insurance for their employees.
There are foreign companies who have violated trade laws. These companies have already been fined for their violations. Yet the fines have never been collected. Still these companies are allowed to do business in the U.S. I will push to have then banned from the market until they pay their fines.
Undocumented Immigrants (or whatever term you wish to use) who commit crimes in the U.S. will be jailed first then deported.
The distinguished gentleman from Illinois has no real plan just rhetoric! He hasn’t finishes his first term in the Senate and hasn’t done anything there except soap box for a promotion to the Whitehouse! The distinguished lady from New York has to keep calling on her husband to help when the big boys are picking on her. She would be a week President! The distinguished gentleman from Arizona has a lobbyist on his staff! I say it will still be business as usual in D.C. if we all keep voting for the Republicans and Democrats! Vote For David Morgan and get real change!