Cinematical Seven: How to Make a REAL Home Theater

With every passing day, I see more and more movie fans say that they don't go to the movie theater anymore, because their home theater system is just as good, or better. I say: bull pucky. Unless you're uber-rich and have your own personal theater with a huge, perfect screen, stadium seating, and perfect surround sound, it's just not the same. Comparable maybe -- but you're still giving up a lot of the experience.

Going to the movie theater may have its downfalls (ringing cell phones, armrest hogs, screaming kids), but it also has its perks -- it can be a big, fun, communal experience. Popcorn. Laughter. And just sometimes, the armrests can rise for back-of-the-theater canoodling.

Still, if you have a great home theater system, or even an old television that you love to watch movies on, I say make it as close to the real thing as possible. It's not hard, it doesn't have to be expensive, and it just might make your screening room the place to see movies.

Step One: The Screen

Those with extra cash on-hand already have this part covered -- huge, sweet, flat panels, or perhaps even a super-sweet projector with a roll-up screen. But what anyone can do, whether their television is super-huge or super-teeny, is make it seem a bit more like a theater. How? Curtains. The two big excitement escalators before the film begins are the lights dimming (get a dimmer!) and the thick curtain slowly opening.

Thick, velvet curtains, in red or any other color, can cost from $20 to $200, or sometimes even less, if you scour garage sales and freecycle communities. If you have a teeny screen, it's even cheaper. Just get a small amount of fabric from the fabric store. Rig up a simple pulley system and viola -- you've got the classic, movie-going backdrop.

Step Two: The Sound

If there is any area to invest in, it's the sound. Now, I don't mean that you need to go out and buy the best surround-sound speakers out there, but rather, any relatively decent ones that will allow you to be immersed in the experience. You need the roar and the sound of movement if you ever want to compete with a big theater. Luckily, speaker sets can run you as little as a buck, if you scour eBay. (No, the $1 selections, or even $20, won't be the greatest, but it's better than nothing.) The whole idea -- spend what you comfortably can, and unless you're investing in the future, don't buy super-awesome speakers for your craptacular TV.

Step Three: The Seating

It never occurred to me until I went to a friend's home years ago -- it's really easy to make yourself stadium seating. In his small living room, my friend had taken an old couch, put it on a sturdy table behind his main couch, and created tiered seating. It's a million times more comfortable than sitting on the floor, and much cooler.

These days, it's ridiculously easy to find a free couch -- take one off the hands of someone buying a new one, or scour your local Craigslist or freecycle. Make, find, or buy a sturdy base, and you're good to go.

If you're particularly crafty, you could even make pull-down wall cup-holders/mini-tables for the drinks and nibblets of those seated in the second tier.

Step Four: Concessions

This is the no-brainer part, since anything you pick up will be cheaper than what you can get at the theater.

However, if you really want it to be like a movie theater -- grab a $20 air popper and kernels, some butter to top it, and some flavored powder for a little extra spice. But the big kicker -- the next time your local movie theater has a big tub combo deal -- wait until everyone has left the theater after the movie and help with cleanup. I have watched entire IMAX theaters clear out, leaving dozens of large, movie-themed tubs in its wake. It's ridiculously wasteful, especially when the tubs are so handy. They're great for allowing everyone to have their own servings of popcorn with their own flavors and toppings. And, it cuts down on arms grabbing for popcorn and dropping little pieces everywhere.

Oh yeah, and you're home, so you can drink booze if you like.

Step Five: Pre-Film Entertainment

None of us want the barrage of commercials that come before the trailers ever get their chance to air, but that doesn't mean your home theater can't have its own pre-film entertainment while concessions are grabbed and last minute bathroom runs are made.

If you've been to an old rep theater, you might have seen retro films or trailers play before the movie. It's easy to do the same yourself, if you have a DVD burner. There are a slew of retro clips and movies that you can download for free, completely legally, over at Internet Archive. You can air those tacky retro instructional films, maybe some Reefer Madness, or anything else that would fit with the feature presentation.

Step Six: People

Throwing all the other perks aside, you need people to make any sort of home theater arrangement worth it. It's just more fun to have a room full of reactions to immerse yourself in, and a collection of minds to discuss the film with afterwards. Clutching a stuffed animal during a scary scene, or looking over at your dog, in laughter, to share a particularly funny moment just isn't the same as human connection and the communal experience.

A great comedy is even funnier when the people around you are falling out of their chairs in laughter. A flick like Snakes on a Plane is a million times more fun with hissing cohorts and plastic snakes sailing through the air.

Step Seven: Be Creative

If there's anything else in the big-theater movie experience that you love -- add it. Make tickets for everyone if you invite a slew of guests -- you can e-mail them to save time, postage, and waste. Get a little pen light to usher people in the darkness if they come late, need the restroom, or have to leave early.

And if it's really nice out, and you hate being inside -- take the party outside with a smaller, and more portable television. There's nothing quite like a bbq on a warm summer night, with a television propped on the back patio while everyone sits in lawn chairs, watches the movie, eats some food, and relaxes. But be warned: This can lead to faulty sensors on some televisions. One outdoor movie night, which started a little too early, killed my old TV's remote sensor.

Also, if you can get your hands on a projector, hang a white sheet on your house or outer wall, and play it right on that. It's not the crispest, but it's super cool and a sure-fire attention-getter.

Now go make yourself a real theater!