'Speed 3': The Non-Existent Sequel Nobody Wants

If the rumors circulating yesterday about a third Speed movie were true, the glut of Hollywood product would surely have reached a breaking point. It's not that another sequel to this maligned action franchise would necessarily suck. Almost a year ago, Dennis Hopper hinted that he might have some sort of role in an upcoming Speed movie, an appearance that could single-handedly elevate the thing to realm of brilliant camp (it would make a fine relative of Leprechaun 4: In Space). There's a distinction worth making, however, between camp and crap ... and a Speed movie set in space probably falls into the latter category. That's exactly what this placeholder suggests, offering the image of a troubled Sandra Bullock peering out the window of a rocketship above the guffaw-worthy title Speed: Ignition. Right.

Slashfilm did some homework and figured out that the site is a fake, which is a relief--because no studio would be crazy enough to back such a bad idea--but also, in a backwards sort of way, a bit of a letdown. Imagine what a brilliant catastrophe this thing could be. A rocky voyage to the stars where the only means of survival is lightspeed ahead! Keanu Reeves didn't bother showing up for Speed 2: Cruise Control, and you can imagine that he'd bail on this one, too. Somebody get Han Solo on the line.