The Geek Beat: Re-Raiding the Tomb

Of course, I'm biased towards her (and since everyone is clamoring these days for the return of this character or that, I figured I ought to throw my pick into the ring). I loved the games, and even now her action figure stands proudly next to my laptop, wielding her trademark automatics. I've dressed as her numerous times, and the reaction garnered in even the most dull of Halloween settings suggests she hasn't entirely fallen from favor.

What really hurt her was not the disappointing sales of Tomb Raider Chronicles, it wasn't a backlash due to her breast size, it wasn't over saturation -- it was the two wretched movies they gave her. I confess to owning both -- the first was a gift from a young lad who felt I should have it, the second purely because Gerard Butler is in it. I watch them when I'm sick or bored, as they're like the equivalent of M&M's for my brain. I'm not proud of that, I don't feel particularly good after ingesting them, but hey, I like guns and relics. And I like to mentally edit them into what could have been. The Tomb Raider movies are rife with wasted opportunity. The first film was closer to Croft the archaeologist, the person who can always solve the puzzle, and snatch the prize before the bad guys. The second was an improvement in dialogue, but re-imagined her as a female Bond, more dependent on gadgets than an ability to read dead languages. Combine them together, and you nearly have the perfect Croft movie. (I say nearly because well, come on, the plots are still very wonky.)

Lara Croft also had the misfortune of being played by Angelina Jolie, arguably one of the most famous women in the world. It wasn't that Jolie didn't do a good job -- but Croft became a footnote in Jolie's personal legend, a pop culture icon completely subsumed by an even larger than life figure. One could argue that Lara Croft wasn't much of a character if she couldn't survive Jolie, but I maintain it was the weakness of the movies. People think of the films as Jolie running around in tight clothing in fantastic shape, not as any kind of genuine adventure – and that is largely what they were written as. If you watch the extras on Cradle of Life, the production people begin every introduction with "Well, Angelina wanted to ride a horse, so we wrote that in – and then she wanted to learn an Asian fighting style, so we wrote that in ..." Ideally, a script flows from the character, and what she would do – not the whims of an actress.

And Lara Croft is a great character. I love that she is basically an eccentric aristocrat, handed buckets of money and a posh manor by her family to pursue her curious hobby. She isn't all looks and guns, though, she's every bit as brilliant as Indy when it comes to reading hieroglyphics, and locating lost ruins. While Jones maintains that artifacts belong in a museum, and Croft seems to acquire them for her own satisfaction, both are fairly careless in their acquisition. Croft may be a bit more of a Belloq, but her heart is generally in the right place. She tries to set the evil curse right, even if her carelessness was what unleashed it in the first place. If you haven't, check out the series of cartoons that GameTap did last year for Lara Croft's 10th anniversary. A few are wretched, but they are proof of how fun Croft can be if written right. Everyone from Warren Ellis to Gail Simone did an episode – and if you don't fancy registering on GameTap, it seems they are all available on YouTube.

It is time she came back; she is ripe for a complete reboot. I think she's marketable to everyone: women who want to see a kickass heroine, men who want to see a hot kickass heroine, the audience sitting idle between installments of Indiana Jones and all his Mummy / National Treasure ripoffs, video game fans ... it's a no brainer. Hire one of the GameTap veterans (or someone else from the comic book industry), a good director, a new actress (preferably a relative unknown), and go for it. Skip the origin story, and launch right into the middle of an archaeological adventure, Raiders style. And remember to play up her brains. I have always fancied seeing Croft as a guest-lecturer at Oxford, where she would be upbraided for her destructive excavation methods. I have always wanted to see her in Egypt, like her stint in The Last Revelation. Let her get as bruised and bloody as Indy -- but when it comes to the action, I want plenty of puzzles and booby traps too. Why Kingdom of the Crystal Skull didn't is a mystery. It's what people love about Indy movies, and why people continue flock to National Treasure and Dan Brown. It falls to Lara Croft now. People want adventure movies, and she has never gotten a chance to really shine on the big screen.

Why not, Paramount? You're looking at a long wait for the whispered-about Indiana Jones V. You have another archaeologist in the wings. And her semi-automatics are getting dusty.