The Geek Beat: What We Learned in Summer 2008
Filed under: Fandom, Lists, The Geek Beat
The arrival of snow in the mountains in my neck of the woods means that summer really is on the way out. It seems like it was only yesterday that we were discussing what would be the hits and misses of the season. Now the talk is going to turn to Oscar buzz and Halloween horror. Are you freaked by how quickly time has flown by yet?
Anyway, seeing as school is already in session, I've decided to pay homage to my Geek Beat predecessor, Mark Beall, and do a list of things we learned during the summer season. For no good numerical reason, I stopped at 15. From there, it's your turn to share what important lessons you will carry from your time in the multiplex. (And a special thanks goes out to Jarrette and Matt, who bantered back and forth with me in this study session.)
1. You can use a snake as a rope and its fragile skeletal system won't pull apart. They won't even bite you if it does! (Indiana Jones)
2. All it really takes to be Batman? A really strong jaw, and nice lips.
3. When faced with Tony Stark, all your hard-hitting journalism training goes out the window. (Iron Man)
4. You can get a custom Joker suit made and no one will ever connect you or its purchase to the psychopath terrorizing Gotham. (The Dark Knight)
5. Fridges preserve not only food, but life. In the event of a nuclear blast or poisonous air, they will save humans and plants alike. Who knew? Not I. My watercress goes bad after a week. (Wall-E and Indiana Jones)
Anyway, seeing as school is already in session, I've decided to pay homage to my Geek Beat predecessor, Mark Beall, and do a list of things we learned during the summer season. For no good numerical reason, I stopped at 15. From there, it's your turn to share what important lessons you will carry from your time in the multiplex. (And a special thanks goes out to Jarrette and Matt, who bantered back and forth with me in this study session.)
1. You can use a snake as a rope and its fragile skeletal system won't pull apart. They won't even bite you if it does! (Indiana Jones)
2. All it really takes to be Batman? A really strong jaw, and nice lips.
3. When faced with Tony Stark, all your hard-hitting journalism training goes out the window. (Iron Man)
4. You can get a custom Joker suit made and no one will ever connect you or its purchase to the psychopath terrorizing Gotham. (The Dark Knight)
5. Fridges preserve not only food, but life. In the event of a nuclear blast or poisonous air, they will save humans and plants alike. Who knew? Not I. My watercress goes bad after a week. (Wall-E and Indiana Jones)
6. You CAN outrun the wind. (The Happening)
7. If you want to be an assassin, just get someone to tie you to a chair and beat the crap out of you. It's the true test. (Wanted)
8. There's nothing wrong with liking Barry Manilow. You can sing his songs and still be capable of destroying worlds. (Hellboy II: The Golden Army.)
9. It's ok! Brilliant scientists always forget their native phrasebooks while hiding in foreign lands. (The Incredible Hulk)
10. Dress in a threatening uniform, carry a box of swords, and Homeland Security will let you right through. (Indiana Jones)
11. Don't worry –if you're taken captive and require serious heart surgery, even the most wretched terrorist hideout has stellar antibiotics. (Iron Man)
12. You too can be Monkey King, if you have a pompadour. (Indiana Jones)
13. A sexy Antonio Banderas accent can win over any lady – even in a Christian allegory. (Prince Caspian)
14. Despite their geographical location, Yetis play good old American football. (The Mummy 3)
15. Love IS all you need – so find someone to hold hands with as soon as you can. (Wall E)
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)
8-19-2008 @ 12:19PM
buckeye2011 said...
the last one is the best =]
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8-19-2008 @ 12:30PM
Kurt said...
Pixar's not the only game in town (Kung Fu Panda), but the competition is sure slim (Space Chimps and Fly Me to the Moon)
Frank Miller should never, ever, ever be given a camera again (all buzz surrounding The Spirit)
Robert Downey, Jr., can do some character-acting after all. (Tropic Thunder) refering to story: http://www.cinematical.com/2008/07/25/400-screens-400-blows-up-with-downey/
If you want to be successful, drop out of school and smoke a lot of weed (Seth Rogen on the Daily Show discussing Pineapple Express).
Slight of hand is alive and well--want to see me make a pencil disappear? (The Dark Knight)
Ethno-stereotyping is only funny to studio execs and aging comedians (The Love Guru, You Don't Mess with the Zohan).
George Lucas has, in fact, gone utterly, irretrievably insane (Indy 4, Star Wars 7, Audience 0)
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8-19-2008 @ 10:58PM
Abby said...
Or ethno-stereotyping is only freakin' hilarious when it is of Studio Execs (Tropic Thunder)
8-19-2008 @ 12:54PM
Veronica Sawyer said...
If you're hiding from the CIA, just shack up with your longtime ex-FBI partner/current lover -- they'll never think to look at her house! (X-Files: I Want to Believe)
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8-19-2008 @ 1:58PM
Ray said...
If you're performing highly controversial stem cell research on a patient, all you need to do is Google it the day before (X-Files)
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8-19-2008 @ 2:26PM
Moo said...
heheh, excellent.
Nurse outfits AREN'T inherently sexy...(The Dark Knight)
Carter is utterly incapable of writing an interesting story, even with 10 years to do so (X-Files 2)
Hutts are, apparently, asexual or ambisexual (i dont know if that is a real word). (The Clone Wars)
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8-19-2008 @ 2:54PM
Christian M. Howell said...
16. No one will think anything of the elephant crap.(Love Guru)
17. If you need a new heart, yours won't give out until your secretary finds the replacement.(Iron Man)
18. The cops will not arrest you for stealing your partner's heart. (iron Man)
19. Your significant other will not notice that you haven't aged since you met. (Hancock)
20. Of course the henchman in standing in the way of the bus. How else can he be run over. (Dark Knight)
21. You actually can bend a gun barrel if your voice is deep enough.(Dark Knight)
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8-19-2008 @ 5:11PM
Akbar Fazil said...
Bent the barrel? I thought he shoved something in the gun and bent it down.
8-19-2008 @ 6:26PM
indecks said...
He had something in his hand that helped him bend the barrel. It also helped him cut into the side of that van.
Someone needs to actually go watch the film at the MOVIES so they can see DETAIL, rather than downloading it off of bit-torrent.
8-19-2008 @ 2:56PM
ML said...
"You can get a custom Joker suit made and no one will ever connect you or its purchase to the psychopath terrorizing Gotham." Hard to finger the purchaser if you're dead (wink).
Also, Homeland Security? Anachronistic much? (Again, wink.)
But, very amusing!
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8-19-2008 @ 5:36PM
Elisabeth said...
Yeah, it's anachronistic -- I probably should have said FBI or Border Patrol. Whoever was in charge in 50's America. I found it really difficult to believe a well known Communist got into the U.S. looking...well, like a well known Communist! :D But clearly, being really obvious is the best disguise.
It's if you wear a Wolverine hoodie that the government will pull you out of line as a terrorist...sniffle. :P
8-19-2008 @ 3:04PM
NP said...
I learned that Lionsgate sucks.
Oh sorry. Still bitter about Midnight Meat Train.
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8-19-2008 @ 6:32PM
Moo said...
ME TOO!!!!!
the film itself...not Lionsgate's decisionmaking....though they suck too.
8-19-2008 @ 3:18PM
peter said...
in defense of Indy 4, i thought the snake part was much more stupid and out of place than the fridge part!
i guess i didn't mind the fridge part SO much because he did read the label that said it was lined with lead. I guess, in my mind, that allows me to suspend disbelief. Wanna know what really irked me about that part? the fact that he closed it enough for it to stay shut through the blast, but then it opened as he hit the ground. Wasn't there a 'very special' episode of Punky Brewster that taught us not to hide in fridges because the doors can get locked shut? that would've been one HECK of a way for Indy to go out!
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8-19-2008 @ 3:24PM
Kevin said...
I think if Indy had died in that fridge I would've enjoyed that movie a helluva lot more. 15 minutes of garbage would've been better then 2 hours of crap.
8-19-2008 @ 5:12PM
Akbar Fazil said...
"4. You can get a custom Joker suit made and no one will ever connect you or its purchase to the psychopath terrorizing Gotham. (The Dark Knight)"
Or how about the Joker hired some tailor to make his suit and then... killed him! I know... far be it from a psycho murderer to cover his tracks.
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8-19-2008 @ 5:13PM
Akbar Fazil said...
and ML already beat me to it.
8-19-2008 @ 5:36PM
Elisabeth said...
Well, I'm not saying that didn't happen, but the Joker required an enormous level of upkeep -- his clothes, his hair, his make-up, quantities of gasoline, bomb making supplies...and even if he was killing them all, at some point it would have caught up to him.
Remember, Gotham had no prints on him, and he had basically appeared out of nowhere which suggests he wasn't slashing very many people up prior to Batman...either that or Gotham has the worst CSI team in America. Which is entirely probable.
8-19-2008 @ 11:01PM
Abby said...
More likely as any town with an extensive underworld (as with the fictional Gothem City) there is always someone willing to make or sell anything if the price is right. and if he stole 68 million in the opening heist, i'm sure Joker could have found someone to supply his clothes, makeup, knives, gasoline, etc.
8-19-2008 @ 5:14PM
AJ Wiley said...
M. Night Shyamalan can, indeed, make the best actors in the world look like high school amateurs. (Mark Wahlberg, Zooey Deschanel, and John Leguizamo in The Happening)
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