Cinematical Seven: Characters Who Should Never Be 'Role Models'

Tomorrow brings Paul Rudd and Seann William Scott to the screen as Role Models. Energy drink and driving bandits, they crash the company truck, and get one of two choices as punishment -- sign up to mentor children, or go to the slammer. Of course, they choose mentoring, having no idea what they're really getting into.

It's always been an interesting idea -- make ne'er-do-wells change their ways by making them do good deeds and be role models. But sometimes it's not such a good idea. In the world of film, there are MANY characters who should never, ever be allowed to act as role models to impressionable youths. Menaces to children everywhere, they'd most likely do the exact opposite of what was intended. This list is, by no means, complete; but consider it a starting point. Read on, reminisce about these bad influences and then comment below about who you would include.

And be warned: These clips may include strong language, and all sorts of adult conduct.

Ben Affleck as Fred O'Bannion in Dazed and Confused



While O'Bannion was not alone in his summer-starting shenanigans, he did get more into it than anyone else. As a repeating senior, ol' Fred loved the chance to take is Fah-Q board and bludgeon the behinds of new freshman boys day and night. His overzealousness ultimately led to payback, but with or without his white paint, this is not the sort of man you want watching your kids. No bum would be safe.

Madeline Kahn as Trixie Delight in Paper Moon


Starting at 3 minutes in...

There's pretty much nothing that could derail the terribly cute and sassy Tatum O'Neal as Addie Loggins from her spunky ways, but Trixie Delight sure comes close. Heck, the woman might have succeeded in corrupting the young girl if Addie hadn't crafted a way to get rid of her. Days of Delight talking about makeup and bras and snaring men -- she'd make any young girl an overly mature vixen in no time.

The whole crew in Trainspotting



This one is quite simple. Drug addicts don't make the best caregivers. You can't really appeal to their humanity when it is being corrupted by drugs. Dependability goes out the window under the influence, and no rationalization will matter. In this case, we've got a baby who dies, kills something inside Sickboy, and then haunts Renton's dreams. And it all came because of the quest for the perfect heroin high.

Thomas Hayden Church as Jack in Sideways



You might be surprised to see Jack on this list. He's not causing deaths, but he is an icon of selfish thinking, free of thought. In one very short vacation, he romances Stephanie, befriends her daughter, and tells neither that he's about to be married. He's the guy that makes all of those "you can't meet my kid, you'll just leave" stories possible. So imagine him as a role model -- making high promises and leaving a crushed little tyke in his wake.

Anjelica Huston as Ida Mancini in Choke



Victor Mancini might have turned out okay if he wasn't continually kidnapped and warped by his off-kilter mother, Ida. While her intentions seem spontaneously caring, the reality of the situation is far from suitable for a young kid. Like, say, letting loose ravenous beasts while your son is running around the zoo. The result of her influence -- Victor becomes a sex addicted man who pays her hospital bills by preying on people's kindness.

Jason Lee as Banky Edwards in Chasing Amy



Go to about 4:50 to see the scene in question.

Banky's not a bad guy. In fact, he's a caring and protective friend who just wants his best friend to be happy, and for their work together to thrive. But Banky also has a sick sense of humor which inspires him to teach a young kid about sexy women delighting in the bestiality of Black Beauty.

Campbell Scott as Roger in Roger Dodger



And finally, there's Roger Dodger. As the skeezy uncle to one young man, he's alright, and maybe even charming. But you must imagine Roger let loose on some random child. In no time, the kid would become the on-screen equivalent of a much younger Chuck Bass. The kid would be frequenting bars, losing his virginity to a hooker, and epitomizing all of Roger's bad traits. We've seen Hollywood, and we know what happens to the kids who grow up too fast.

So, there you have it. Who would you add to the list?