Fan Rant: Tear Ducked
Filed under: Comedy, Documentary, Drama, Independent, Awards, Fan Rant
One might chalk up a reluctance to cry at the movies to having sat through roughly four hundred of them a year and grown numb to the more melodramatic efforts. And yet I can't say that I've ever been given much cause to shed tears in the theater or at home, even from the earliest years of my moviegoing. I'd be willing to admit it -- heck, I believe that I'm just about to -- but I've just never been one to end up wiping at my cheeks when the lights come up, and yet more and more often, I find myself wondering: Why not?Are the filmmakers to blame for failing in other respects to elicit tears for these characters and the fates they face? Sometimes. Am I to blame for coming in on guard, waiting for a film to get at me and maybe throwing up some hurdles along the way if there's no lack of trying? Perhaps. Isn't it acceptable to feel something without showing it, and to do so without being labeled a callous bastard? You better believe it.
But I'm not entirely invulnerable, mind you. Let me admit that up front. Just last night, I was watching Dear Zachary... for a second time, sitting in the same bed, sobbing at the same parts (and I don't seem to have been alone in doing so). The first time, though, I had the liberty of pausing the film and getting all my emotions out of the way; had I seen it theatrically, my sleeves would've been a mess by the time the credits rolled.
I was twice left a wreck by father-related films, both of which I happen to think are very good, not quite great. The first was seeing Big Fish with my dad and my brother, because that was the first time I had ever seen him cry in front of me. I knew that the film had left him thinking about his late father, and when he saw that I was crying, he asked me why; after all, he wasn't dead yet. (That, while smile-prompting, didn't make matters any easier.) This past summer, I attended a screening of When Did You Last See Your Father?, which ended with about all six of us men quietly sniffling on our way out the door. By the time I'd gotten to my car and thought the worst was over, I just began bawling and eventually called my dad just to say "hi". It was an utterly visceral reaction to a film that hadn't necessarily reflected my own relationship with my father, and had transparently built up its emotional catharsis, but it had hit me, and hard.
Other ones aren't so easily explained away. I didn't outright cry at either August Rush or Be Kind Rewind -- my eyes merely welled up with tears, and we'll leave it at that. The former looked treacly as hell going in, and I was admittedly expecting little enjoyment out of it. But eventually, the Big Climax came, and sure enough, I found myself a bit more flushed than I'd ever planned to be. Truth be told, I'm afraid to give the film a second look -- not because I might cry again, but I rather fear that my opinion of the flick will just collapse upon further inspection. Meanwhile, I had no reason to think that Rewind might lash out in the sentimental direction that it did, but I nonetheless found myself oddly touched beyond all the eccentric antics of Michel Gondry's comedy. Some of my closest friends have yet to let me live this admission down.
But it's awards season, and dramatic contenders are the ones that often have me questioning whether or not I don't subconsciously hold a glass ceiling of sorts aside from all anticipation and appreciation. I love it, but I'm not IN love with it. Though released in April, United 93 was a prime example of a film that I went in hoping would devastate me -- after all, if that didn't do it, what would? Sure enough, it had, but there was a bias there going in, if not coming out, but one of a hope to be moved. And now with this year, I've seen all manner of films that have given my heart pause, that have shortened my breath and that have made me wonder if I wasn't about to fall apart all over again: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Milk, Slumdog Millionaire, The Wrestler, WALL-E.
And yet I didn't. I think those films and others range from good to great, but as I see film after film in these last cold weeks of the year, I can't help but step back and assess the situation. (Oh, the looks I got for shrugging off The Boy in the Striped Pajamas...) Am I seeing every last movie I can not out of completist habits (though I am), but instead out of hopes that this film is the one that will Touch Me? Again, I ask: is it the movies, or is it me? As I mull that over, and as I open up to all of you, I want to hear from the people who don't cry often at movies, who don't bawl at every Nicholas Sparks adaptation and yet who don't avoid something emotionally trying because that could never worth their nine bucks. What movie was it? When did you see it, where, and who with? Most importantly, why did it affect you so?
It means more to me if you're not too sensitive in sharing these anecdotes; at the end of the day, the person who tells me they cried at maybe one movie in the past ten years means more to me than the person who find themselves undone by a single teaser...
Black Friday Movie Deals: Best Buy
Sex and Nudity Don't Draw You to the Movies?
What Makes a Real Vampire?
Robert Downey Jr. Wants to Retire?
Jaycee Dugard's Horrific Story to Get a Sleazy Adaptation
_thumbnail.jpg)
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)
12-08-2008 @ 10:22PM
MCW said...
"Meanwhile, I had no reason to think that Rewind might lash out in the sentimental direction that it did, but I nonetheless found myself oddly touched beyond all the eccentric antics of Michel Gondry's comedy."
Likely the same part in Be Kind Rewind got to me as it did you, and that would be the ending at the video show, with the crowd and all that. I was like - "Why am I crying at this?" But I have to admit, I totally got Gondryed. The ending made up for a lot, like the horrible Mos Def black and white cut scenes.
I also recently caught the airing of "A Dennis The Menace Christmas"... when Mr. Wilson had a change of heart (Doesn't he always at the end of these movies?), he said something to Dennis that really got to me. At that moment, I couldn't contain the tears.
Here I was thinking there was something deeply wrong with me for crying at a movie, but William, you've made it clear that we all are messed up :D No, just kidding.
I find myself tearing up more during emotional moments on reality TV shows than in movies though. This is the reason I can't watch the end of any episode of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. The kids who are so happy to get a new house always cut straight through to the bone.
I can't wait to hear what movies other people cry at... It's good to know you're not alone. Even if stupid movies like "A Dennis the Menace Christmas" make you cry. It only takes that one emotional or heartwarming moment to get to you.
Reply
12-08-2008 @ 10:22PM
MCW said...
And I forgot to mention Once. When those two sit down in the piano store and began playing, I fell apart. Amazing stuff right there.
12-08-2008 @ 10:22PM
Peter Hall said...
Cinematical please pay Mr. Goss next year's salary right now for the best title pun yet. (and if he didn't write it, please fire him)
No movie has ever made me cry. I lay that down not as a challenge, but a reluctant truth. I'll well with emotions, feel that peak of unassailable pressure that stabs invisibly through the roof of my mouth to the back of my eyes, but nothing more than a misting ever happens. Which is odd considering as I start to fill an adult role in life I feel more and more emotions every day, yet I still haven't crossed that one movie that punches me right in the nose.
I honestly wish I did. I spend more time watching movies, talking about movies and writing about movies than most people I know spend on all their passions combined and yet its pieces like this that make me wonder if I'm really as passionate about it all as I think I am? Single scenes can strike my thoughts for days on end, but never the waterworks. I fear all my movie watching has broken a switch in me, leaving my circuitry a detached observer. That I'm missing out on a frequency those better tuned than I pick up clear.
Reply
12-08-2008 @ 10:23PM
DylanG said...
I have never cried during a movie. In fact, I haven't cried in a long time, maybe a year or so at least. However, I've been close to crying during movies and in real life several times. But the tears never come. The most that happens is my eyes become watery...and then it's over. It's weird. I've tried to cry several times, just because in a way I want to be brought to tears, and I can't.
The movies I remember almost bringing me to tears are The Laramie Project, The Grinch Who Stole Christmas (the classic cartoon), Bee Movie , Mr. Deeds and Fred Claus. The first film is a depressing true-life story about a gay teenager that was murdered. A very emotional movie and I almost cried. The rest are all admittingly sappy films, but they all made me feel really good. Life is so dour these days, including the movies we watch. The Dark Knight and Iron Man, the two top grossing movies of the year, are both good, but they both have depressing qualities to them. Every once in a while when I see a really happy film, even if it is corny as hell, I can't help myself and I almost cry. I really don't know what would push those tears out though.
Reply
12-08-2008 @ 10:23PM
DAVID F said...
I cry EVERY frickin' time I watch E.T. Every time.
Reply
12-09-2008 @ 9:18AM
Kevin said...
I was waiting to see if anybody else would bring that one up. Thats the only movie I can remember getting really emotional about. It was when I was much younger, but I remember watching it in the family room with like 10 other people, and when the ending hit I had to run out of the room, making some excuse so that nobody would look over and see me sobbing uncontrollably. Great movie.
12-08-2008 @ 10:15PM
Tucker said...
I missed out on Big Fish in the states, but I happened to catch it in a crummy theater in Mile End, London while I was studying there. Thankfully I was the only one in the theater, because I wound up bawling like a huge baby; embarrassingly so. I'm not usually a sucker, but I was rendered completely useless and was only somewhat ashamed to walk out of the theater a complete mess. Pretty much immediately I made an extremely expensive international call to my mom, and I'm also sure that call was almost unintelligible.
Reply
12-09-2008 @ 8:44AM
lowrentherzog said...
Crummy theater? You best not mean the Genesis, though it's possible it was revamped in the intervening years, the Genesis is a fantastic cinema!
I cry at most stuff, even pap like 'Freedom Writers'. But a lot of films are tailored so that you do cry, because the rule is if you cry at it, it must be a great film.
Fortunately for me I'm able to pick around my emotions and know that if I cry at a film, it doesn't mean it's good. I bawled during 'The Wrestler' and 'Rachel Getting Married' though and they were both fantastic.
12-08-2008 @ 10:24PM
Chelsea said...
The one movie I can think of that made me cry was seeing _Henry Fool_ at a revival house. My late father looked an awful lot like Thomas Jay Ryan at his grungiest, and aspects of Simon Grim's story reminded me both of What Happened To My Dad and What I Wish Happened To My Dad. Somewhere around the third reel, I just started crying and couldn't stop.
Reply
12-08-2008 @ 10:52PM
Brice_J said...
i am glad to see that there are people on here commenting about never crying. everytime i read about a supposed part in a movie: "and if you don't cry, you should probably get a new heart" i scoff. i am hardly ever moved at all during movies, but i feel that is fine. the ONLY time i cried during a movie was during "seabiscuit" and it came uncontrollably. it was when the son knew he had to leave his family and follow his dreams in riding a horse for a career. i was with my extended family in an inexpensive stadium-seating theater. the fact that i was with my fam is the only logical answer i can find to a very rare instance. but i won't tell anyone they should check their heart for lack of crying.
Reply
12-08-2008 @ 10:59PM
Matt said...
recently cried watching 'judgment at nuremberg' during the trial scene discussing the realities of the concentration camps. heavy-duty stuff. i am also a sucker for father-son dynamics.
Reply
12-09-2008 @ 12:12PM
Taylor Barratt said...
When I visited Dachau a few years back, I was near useless for just about the whole time I was there.
Related to that Neeson's breakdown in Schindlers List in the factory is rough, but not as bad as watching the survivors laying the rocks down on his grave.
(and not that you have to be.. but I'm not even Jewish... something about WW2.. maybe just how well it's documented and frequently portrayed... still pretty fresh in our history).
Ultimately I think the first movie that ever got to me (and every time since) was Boyz in the Hood when I was 14. The last scene, with Tre and Doughboy on the steps, Doughboy walking across the street and the titles before the credits. That movie defined tragedy for me.
Then nothing until Schindlers and it seems these days every other movie gets me. The worst for me in recent memory would be Million Dollar Baby though. The Wrestler too in the last scene.
Though I can't say I've ever gotten to bawling. Though there've been a few where it'll take a good 5 minutes for the tears to stop running. I have pretty decent control over my emotions and one thing I hate more than anything is being in a movie theatre and having to experience someone elses emotions in the theatre... Someone else gasping has got to be the most obnoxious way to be pulled out of my experience.
I almost never buy any love (not sex) scenes in movies though. I can't tell if that's because they're idealistic (even when flawed) or the scenes can never reach that height for me.
12-09-2008 @ 12:24AM
Jim said...
I've never out and out cried in a theater during a movie, but I've gotten choked up a couple times. The one I remember most is at a showing of The Passion during the cat of nine tales whipping and the whole sequence with the stations of the cross. I recall that instance because I remember being subsequently angry afterward at the movie for how manipulative it was.
Reply
12-09-2008 @ 1:12AM
ICON! said...
For those who say they can't cry at movies, or haven't, then i suggest you watch Dear Zachary, that i guarantee will roll out every tear in your body. On another note, La Bamba always gets to me, its that last 10 minutes of the movie that always does it.
Reply
12-09-2008 @ 1:16AM
FourKings said...
I'm still in college, and have been wanting to watch Dear Zachary for some time. However, I am quite positive it will make me a wreck so I am holding off until winter break, when my "frat bros" won't see me. Cowardice is bliss.
Reply
12-09-2008 @ 1:18AM
FourKings said...
P.S. - Pretty creepy photo for the post, considering it all....
Reply
12-09-2008 @ 1:20AM
William Goss said...
Yeah, well, when you're cracking away at your own college finals, a more sentimental pic isn't at the top of the priority list... :)
12-09-2008 @ 2:23AM
Eirc said...
The trick is to watch the movie while supressing any expectations or giving it any shoes to fill, letting the director take you on a journey. That's when films have impacted me the most anyway, and getting good at this skill makes thoughts naturally come to you and helps you root out skillful filmmaking from the unskillful kind.
Reply
12-09-2008 @ 1:40AM
Jake M. said...
Great article Will!
I'll get "misty" but I've also have yet to cry. hmm, maybe an early/embarrassing one that I could remember would be "Hardball", yeah the one with Keanu Reeves. When I saw it I was around the age of the kids in the movie and I wasn't expecting it at all.
Reply
12-09-2008 @ 1:41AM
William Goss said...
...whoa.