Stories I Don't Believe: A 'Total Recall' Remake?
Filed under: Sci-Fi & Fantasy, RumorMonger, Remakes and Sequels
I don't want to believe; that's part of it. But really: Total Recall? Weird and scary and totally singular Total Recall? The one with the people being turned into mutants by cosmic rays and the villain who turns Martians into slaves by controlling the air supply? The one where that dude takes off his glove to reveal that holy crap, he's a mutant too? And the three boobs? Remember the three boobs?Okay, I'm obviously working out some issues here, the main one being that I saw Total Recall as a very young boy and it scared and confused the ever-loving bejeezus out of me (in the best possible way, natch). But really, there's no way to remake Verhoeven's bizarro masterpiece, as I Am Legend (and Made of Honor!) producer Neal H. Moritz claims he's going to do. They might re-adapt the Philip K. Dick story, "We Can Remember It for You Wholesale," but that's a different matter. Dick adaptations are a dime a dozen. So, Mr. Moritz, I don't believe you. Shouldn't you be busy getting The Green Hornet off the ground, anyway? Go wrangle Michel Gondry.
I note, also, that as best I can tell no Arnold Schwarzenegger movie has ever been remade. This may be because people have been physically afraid of him, in which case his advancing age, along with a distinguished civil service career that would make it unseemly for him to murder five men with his bare hands (and surely the man would never stoop to a contract job), may increase the odds of a Total Recall redo. Another possibility involves a combination of two factors: a) Arnold Schwarzenegger movies are always and forever Arnold Schwarzenegger movies, and b) the notion of an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie with some girly man who is not Arnold Schwarzenegger in the Arnold Schwarzenegger role is patently absurd. People would just laugh. Right? That's why this never went anywhere two years ago, right?
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
2-26-2009 @ 9:54AM
Alex said...
Does Terminator count?
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2-26-2009 @ 9:36AM
Batzarro said...
I feel old.
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2-26-2009 @ 9:42AM
Scott K. said...
While I would be all for an adaptation of "We Can Remember it for You Wholesale," I am very agains a remake of the movie.
"Moritz said he hoped the advancements in technology and state-of-the-art visual effects can help tell the "Recall" story in a fresh way." Well, advancements in tech don't help you tell the story in a fresh way, just with a hi-tech look. Story advancements are required for that.
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2-26-2009 @ 9:51AM
Kurt said...
Keifer Sutherland was in Total Recall as a bad guy, if I remember correctly. I think he's one of the few household-name-action-heroes we've got right now, so I say we cast him in Arnold's role.
Y'know, for irony and stuff.
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2-26-2009 @ 10:28AM
sstaab34 said...
Kiefer Sutherland was NOT in Total Recall. Michael Ironside, Sharon Stone...no Kiefer.
And honestly, I absolutely love Total Recall but am not against a remake. This is one of those movies that I think really could benefit from technological improvements. With that said, it will surely be destroyed and lose all of it's charm in the process.
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2-26-2009 @ 11:43AM
lowrentherzog said...
Thing is 'Total Recall' would have been far cooler if it had been made as originally intended. David Cronenberg was lined up to direct it with Richard Dreyfuss in the lead role.
The would have been one hell of a PKD adaptation.
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2-26-2009 @ 12:29PM
j said...
I say, remake it and then play it for a test audience. If they hate it, bury it in the Sahara and don't tell anyone else about it, ever.
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2-26-2009 @ 1:50PM
Jeff The Geek said...
"I note, also, that as best I can tell no Arnold Schwarzenegger movie has ever been remade." That may be true, but there are in the works!
Red Sonja (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0800175/), one of Arnold's first flicks is getting the unoriginal Hollywood remake scenario.
Can Hollywood PLEEEEEEEZE come up with some interesting/original fodder for once!?!
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2-27-2009 @ 12:47AM
Leib said...
I just remember watching a behind the scenes of the original movie and they said they wanted to 'make the most violent movie to date'. If the remake keeps that in mind then the truly bizzarre nature of the film should shine through.
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