No Lie: 'Pinocchio' Anniversary DVD is Pretty Fantastic

I was on my way home from seeing the nasty new Last House on the Left movie when I got a call from a friend, to whom I quickly explained that I was on my way to get a shiny new Pinocchio DVD. She paused for a second and said "From rape-revenge horror to old-school Disney sweetness? You're a strange one, Scott." And then she told me how gorgeous I am and hung up weeping.

But yes, it's true: If it's not a nasty-ass horror flick you're showing me, my second choice would be something like Toy Story 2, Flushed Away, or The Iron Giant. Call me childish if you like, but I don't know many children who could use the word "parsimonious" in a sentence. And, um, I just did. No, I don't exactly clap like a toddler as the animated features fly by, but I simply love this medium and (more pertinently) I adore most of the Disney Classics. To me they're some of the sweetest, "funnest," and most accessible form of classic cinema there is, and I'll live to be 143 before I apologize for admiring the artistry that goes into this stuff.

Anyway (as if the art of animation needs a defense from me), it's Walt Disney's second feature film, 1940's Pinocchio, that is now getting the full-bore deluxe two-disc 70th Anniversary DVD (and Blu-Ray) treatment. Couldn't come at a better time, too, because my Disney shelf (pictured below) was rrrrrreally missing this title. I'll spare you the plot synopsis (puppet becomes boy, gets into mischief, learns valuable lessons, becomes whale food, etc.) and the endless peals of laudatory adulation directed toward the old-school Disney filmmakers, and just focus on the DVD itself...

Disc 1 starts off with a whole bunch of typical Disney hawkery (Hey, Tinkerbell and the Lost Treasure? That looks ... meh!) and then we settle in for 85 minutes of old-fashioned animated magic. Whether you're watching the Blu-Ray or the standard version, odds are you've never seen this 1940 masterpiece look quite so vibrant. The film looks as crisp and lovely as something like Bolt or Meet the Robinsons. Well, not quite, but you get the point. The movie is presented in its original 1.33:1 aspect ratio (although if I'm wrong on that, someone will surely scream at me), and the audio options range from 5.1 "Disney Enhanced Home Theater Mix" (in English, Spanish or French) to the "restored original theatrical soundtrack," which I believe is another way of saying two point oh.

Then the goodies: I clicked right to the "Backstage Disney" section (because that's where they hide all the grown-up-style supplements) and ... hooray! An audio commentary with Disney historians and animators! Intercut with some old audio from the legendary Disney animators! I'm such a geek for this stuff. I only remember maybe 20% of what I hear in commentaries (I listen to 'em while I write or play Pogo.com), but I just enjoy the act of the thing. Hearing Leonard Maltin, Eric Goldberg, and J.B. Kaufman talk about this 70-year-old film is just fascinating to me.

...and that's it for the grown-up stuff on Disc 1. In the "Music & More" section there's a rendition of When You Wish Upon a Star by someone called Meaghan Jette Martin, plus the always-silly button that allows you to jump straight to a musical scene. (Other DVDs call this Scene Selection.) Ah, and there's also a pop-up text commentary called "Pinocchio's Matter of Facts," and these things can be fun and informative -- provided you watch the movie the right way at least once. (Hey, you could do the audio commentary and the trivia track at the same time!)

Then we move on to Disc 2!

(It's worth noting that ALL of the special features are accessible in English, Spanish or French. So I just noted it.)

For the kiddies we have a rather elaborate DVD game called "Pinocchio's Puzzles," which is actually sort of nifty. And get this: That's it for the kiddie stuff. Now the animation buffs can pick through the rest of the platter.

"No Strings Attached: The Making of Pinocchio" runs just under an hour and touches on all sorts of production anecdotes. As usual, Disney spares no expense when it comes to telling us how great their films are, but in a case like Pinocchio ... at least they're telling the truth. We're also treated to ten minutes of deleted footage, complete with a helpful intro piece; a six-minute featurette on Disney's "sweatbox" method of brainstorming; an 11-minute piece on real-life toymakers and toy-lovers; a fascinating 10-minute block of vintage live-action reference footage; a whole bunch of art galleries and publicity materials, and an audio track of a deleted tune!

Like I always say, these Disney anniversary editions feel like they should be sold in museums.



Yes, they're in chronological order.

Snow White / Pinocchio / Dumbo / Bambi / Cinderella / Alice in Wonderland / Peter Pan / Lady and the Tramp / Sleeping Beauty / 101 Dalmatians / The Sword in the Stone / The Jungle Book / The Aristocats / Robin Hood / The Fox and the Hound / Who Framed Roger Rabbit / The Little Mermaid / Beauty and the Beast / Aladdin / The Lion King / Mulan / Tarzan / The Emperor's New Groove / Meet the Robinsons

Not pictured: All the Pixars, a lot of the Dreamworks, and (of course!) The Iron Giant.

And the first person to make fun of me gets a snapshot of my horror collection, which is ten times bigger and likely to give you niiiiightmaaaaares!!!!!!!