Read the Best Movie That You're Never Going to See

Holy shit. Just... holy shit.

I read that all the way through without stopping.

I really really hope this gets made, and Tom Cruise does that cameo.

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Bwahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

That was a damn good read.

"Goddamn you. Goddamn you, you
magnificent bastard."

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Shocking...no....a bit irreverent....yes...but no more than any recent Judd Apatow movie. And I swear it felt like the lead role - Jim - was written specifically for Seth Rogen.

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That was so beautiful. The seals. Tom Cruise. The gay neighbor's dog. The fucking montage. That needs to be made. If not by anyone, then I'll make that shit with friends.

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There is absolutely no reason whatsoever that this film shouldn't be made. It simply must be made.

Casting Rogen is way too obvious and entirely lame. Personally, the lead role needs to go to Adam Scott, especially considering the massive Tom Cruise presence in this script and his hilarious turn as Will Ferrell's douchebag, Cruisian younger sibling in "Step Brothers".

I think Cruise, himself, has the cojones to tackle this role with gusto. I mean, he did the ridiculously over-the-top Les Grossman with aplomb and several years back did a wonderfully insincere Austin Powers. I really think he's got some hidden, underrated comic chops and appearing in such a self-effacing light as himself in this movie would only help continue repairs on his down-but-definitely-not-out image and career.

I suppose, failing his participation, they could always just get Scott to play an unnamed Cruise at the very least. I really wouldn't mind if he played both characters, actually. It would likely cut costs and, like I said before, Scott's the man but this Cruise cameo would be absolutely priceless.

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I read until page 32 but the script wasn't that outrageous or that funny. I'm guessing the script was written by younger writers that have spent more time working on their internet marketing plan over the actual writing of the script. The over-the-top rave reviews in this thread seem to be a phase of their hype plan. Wow, he totally has sex with an older woman while wearing a clothespin on his nose! It's so outrageous the studio will never make it! Yeah... no.

To the writer(s)-- remove the copyright from the title page. It just makes you look like amateurs. The same goes for WGA registration numbers. If you want to read a great comedy spec, get a copy of This Side of the Truth by Matthew Robinson and Ricky Gervais.

To Cinematical/ William Goss: I'm disappointed you're a part of this hype campaign. The "Best Movie You're Never Going to See" topic could've been a great one if you actually did it seriously. There are some great scripts out there-- Sprockets by Mike Meyers, Down and Under by Scott Rosenberg (before it got ruined), Bad Moon Rising, etc.

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i now feel dumber for reading this...i can't get that hour back

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that was fun read. they have an entertaing writing style. dont think anyone would have the balls to make this especially with the (funny as hell) retard fighting, but still good fun. thanks cinematical.

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Hahaha WOW all of you totally missed the joke! The only purpose this screenplay serves is to be a parody on screenwriting as it breaks every single rule to screenwriting and would be the single most infuriating screenplay for a director to try and make a movie out of.

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This was funny.

All kidding aside I think Cruise should make more films.
His acting and films rarely disappoint and I thought I would never utter the words "I miss Holmes" seeing the ugly and dud acting of Maggie in The Dark Knight.

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Kinda stupid with some sharp points. Felt like There's Something about Mary riding the success of Tropic Thunder with some Office Space thrown in. Although it was funny, I agree that I've seen this before and better. I pictured Jack McBrayer in the lead with Danny McBride as Willy.

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Jack McBrayer is an AWESOME idea!

For COWORKER 2: THE SPAWNING, that is...

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If anyone knows Tom Cruise we (theRobotard) would appreciate it if you would call, or write, him and tell him to be in our movie. We're pretty sure it would make his career because of the high quality we've issued to each page starring himself as himself.

A few of you guys get the gist of what we were going for. There was a dance in trying to both honor the standard conventions of this "type" of story while simultaneously expressing our rage at being slaves to the conventions.

I think the people who say they've "seen this before" are reacting to one facet of the story: the honoring of standard genre convention. Of course you feel like you've "seen this", shit, the end of the movie is ripped directly from another film...with the soundtrack included. And, similarly, every beat in the story should feel like you've "seen it." Because you have. And you've seen it in all your favorite movies. The question you need to ask is "did they rape it?"

Yes we did.

Read the short version of Vogler's "hero's journey" thingie. Every beat is in there, and every beat is firmly raped. How many times have you seen the animal-attacks-the-guy bit since Something About Mary? Not that it was new in 'Mary, but since that film it's been in every comedy and a dozen commercials. So we took that cliche', we drugged it, we dragged it into Vogler's cave, and we raped it.

For sure you're not required to like or appreciate the Dog Fight in Balls Out...but you've seen that scene? Really?

A mongoloid attacking a car? COME THE FUCK ON!!!

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To The Robotard 8000 and battledolphinzero

OMFG! Your comments here and on The Artful Writer have made me almost pee my pants while shitting in the garbage can. Both something my employer frowns upon.

I "got" it. Wonderfully done. Thank you!

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Glad you enjoyed the empty exercise that has brought nothing but shame and dishonor on our dojo.

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