The Scary Bits: Return of The Scary Bits

I know, it's been a while since I've written one of these gore-soaked missives, but the upside to that is ... we have a lot to talk about! And since I wrote this during a lazy Sunday (happy belated holidays, btw) I figure it's time to break out the candy-coated bullet points! Let's start out with a freaky fistful of upcoming DVD releases:

Currently strewn across shelves are Donkey Punch and Vinyan, two festival-heavy horror films that couldn't possibly be more different. One's about venal young jerks, and the other is about heartbroken (but stupid) parents. Really bad things happen to all of them.

This Tuesday we're getting the old-school-style monster movie Splinter, which is really quite good. If you like prickly monsters, that is. On the same day ... whoa. It looks like someone actually bothered to exhume flicks like Repossessed, Slaughter High, and My Best Friend Is a Vampire. That sound you just heard was my Netflix queue getting fatter.

Come the 21st we get J.T. Petty's The Burrowers, which played (and played well) at last year's Fantastic Fest, and Robert Hall's Laid to Rest, which is sort of like a non-snarky slasher throwback with a hint of Phantasm-style weirdness. Couldn't find a stranger double feature than these two, believe me.

And mark your calendars, gore-lovers, for April 28, because that's when Martyrs finally hits R1 DVD. According to the UK poster, Scoot Weinberg says it "makes Saw look like Sesame Street," which is one of the most shameless blurbs I've ever heard. Even if the guy is correct, brilliant, and really handsome. (Trust me, this is one rough horror movie.) Also on this Tuesday we'll get the unofficial Donnie Darko sequel, and a movie starring Amber Benson called One-Eyed Monster. I leave the jokes to you fine folks.

Theatrically speaking ... we're about to hit a drought, big-time. Far as I can tell, the next theatrical-release horror film is Sam Raimi's Drag Me to Hell on May 29. Thanks a lot, tentpole movies. Jerks! As far as post-summer goes, we're looking at The Orphan, The Crazies, Halloween 2, Final Destination 4, Saw 6, Zombieland, Pandorum, Whiteout, Jennifer's Body, Sorority Row, Night of the Demons, The Stepfather, The Box, and The Wolfman. (How many of those are NOT sequels, remakes, or adaptations? Four.)

On the indie / foreign horror front, I can personally vouch for Adam Mason's Blood River, Tom Shankland's The Children, Bruce McDonald's Pontypool, Ti West's House of the Devil, Paul Solet's Grace, Glenn McQuaid's I Sell the Dead, Mats Stenberg's Cold Prey 2, and a strange little survival piece from Norway entitled Manhunt. Keep an eyeball out for those. (Not literally.)

So there's my big preview of what's on the way, horror-wise. But there are always a bunch of titles that just pop up out of nowhere ... which means I'll be back soon.

P.S. I thought the Last House on the Left remake was really damn good. You?