Read This: Uncomfortable Plot Summaries
Over there in the blogosphere, Dorian at Post-Modern Barney is making everyone feel a little awkward with a rundown of occasionally offensive yet hilariously accurate plot summaries. I smell the next Twitter novel (hashtag mania!) or a grad thesis that would leave Gilles Deleuze weeping in his po-mo grave. Or a late-night drinking game after all the PC-compliant non-movie nerds leave. Here are a few of my personal favorites -- well, the more PG ones, anyway! ALIENS: An unplanned pregnancy leads to complications.
BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER: Teenage serial killer destroys town in fit of semi-religious fervor.
CHINATOWN: Father desires closer relationship with his children.
DONNIE DARKO: Hallucinating teen crushed by airplane engine.
FREAKS: Acrobat learns value of community.
E.T.: Out-of-control pet causes mayhem, sadness.
GROUNDHOG DAY: Misanthropic creep exploits space/time anomaly to stalk coworker.
LABYRINTH: Girl is negligent baby-sitter.
MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL: British comedy troupe inadvertently creates language lab for nerds.
WEEKEND AT BERNIES: Two employees take advantage of their boss' hospitality.
BLADE: Obsessed loner stalks minority group.
BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA: Redneck trucker kills Chinese immigrants.
CHRISTMAS VACATION: Incestuous relatives teach family the meaning of Christmas.
Feel free to add yours in the comments and then stare at your shoes for a little bit in a perturbed way.
[Thanks to Aaron L. for the tip]
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Discuss: The Movies That Haunt You
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)
5-12-2009 @ 12:20PM
j said...
Harry Potter: A young, scarred and half-blind wizard in the U.K. conjurs up a wonderful spell full of hope, friendship, bravery, and kindness just to piss off all torch-wielding Southern Baptists in America.
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5-12-2009 @ 12:32PM
danger said...
Fight Club: A narcoleptic schizo gets the girl. Twice.
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5-12-2009 @ 12:35PM
Rufus said...
Excellent.
5-12-2009 @ 12:34PM
Admiral said...
TRON: Man sabotages computer to gain control of international corporation.
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5-12-2009 @ 12:39PM
Da7e said...
Bring It On: Cheerleaders wear cheerleading outfits.
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5-12-2009 @ 12:40PM
CaptainAwesome said...
Big: Little boy becomes Tom Hanks to land high paying, executive job and score with some chick.
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5-12-2009 @ 12:41PM
Da7e said...
Forrest Gump: Retard runs his way through history, narrowly avoids AIDs.
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5-12-2009 @ 12:48PM
Jay said...
Minority Report: Enslaved fortune tellers escape, live in hut.
Indiana Jones: Professor smashes countless artifacts in name of science.
Glory: Blacks go into battle, almost win.
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5-12-2009 @ 12:54PM
Jay said...
The Thirteenth Floor: Video game addicted woman murders husband.
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5-12-2009 @ 1:24PM
Jay said...
Iron Man: Arms dealer defies Law of Conservation of Energy.
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5-12-2009 @ 1:36PM
Jason said...
Star Wars: Teen decides to rebel against his father.
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5-12-2009 @ 2:36PM
stevenh said...
Episode 1: 9 year old bastard slave runs away with old man to join right wing separatist militia.
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5-12-2009 @ 2:36PM
mdk said...
Watchmen. Hack director singlehandedly destroys cachet of revered graphic novel.
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5-12-2009 @ 2:48PM
Erik Davis said...
Oh man, I don't have one - I just wanted to say that some of these are cracking me up.
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5-12-2009 @ 3:44PM
ML said...
Titanic: Woman refuses rescue by boyfriend with tragic results.
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5-12-2009 @ 4:02PM
Key Rick said...
The Dark Knight: Proof what doesn't kill you makes you stranger.
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5-12-2009 @ 5:26PM
Wexler said...
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: A wardrobe challenged ninja master seeks revenge against a giant rat by sending young boys into battle against sewer mutants.
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5-12-2009 @ 6:33PM
Wexler said...
Got one more.
The Incredible Hulk: Guy who can't have sex forced to deal with weight issues and anger management.
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5-12-2009 @ 6:42PM
Yoda's House of Pancakes said...
Gremlins: Prequel Furbies morph into vicious Yodas.
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5-12-2009 @ 7:35PM
Byron said...
Die Hard: New Yorker kills German tourists.
Terminator 2: Machine sent back in time to kill kid.
Rambo 4: American kills Thai people
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