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'Terminator Salvation' Afterthoughts: Boy, SkyNet Was Stupid

by Dawn Taylor Jun 1st 2009 // 5:15PM

Filed under: Action, Sci-Fi & Fantasy, Fandom, Remakes and Sequels

Terminator Salvation has been in theaters for over a week now, and it seems to have already been largely forgotten. Remember how much we looked forward to seeing it? It was a little like those similarly heady days, way back in March, when we were eager to see Watchmen. Ah, we were all so young then.

Despite the long summer days that have passed, I find myself still pondering Salvation. But I'm not thinking about the waste of a perfectly good Christian Bale, or continuing to boggle over the sadly inept action sequences. To be honest, I willed myself to forget most of it as soon as I was in the car. It seemed kinder to just let it go.

No, what I can't get over is how dead stupid SkyNet turned out to be. The evil, all-powerful threat to humanity that James Cameron introduced in 1984 turns out, in the fourth movie, to be a huge, incompetent boob who can be beaten with a tool belt and a lucky shot fired at a coolant line.

Seriously? That's your mechanized threat to all mankind? I can't get over it. It was just so ... silly.

(Please note that spoilers follow. Serious spoilers. Like, not just descriptions of things that happen in the movie but spoilers. Thank you.)

Back in 1970, there was a tidy little B-movie called Colossus: The Forbin Project. Based on a novel by D.F. Jones, the plot focused on a Cold War supercomputer, designed to control all of the U.S. and Allied nuclear weapons systems, which becomes sentient. Coincidentally, the Soviets have built a similar computer called Guardian -- and when Colossus and Guardian become aware of each other, they decide to join forces and tell humanity to shove off.

At the end of the film, Colossus announces that he/it is now ruler of the world. And there's not a damn thing we can do about it.



In a long speech to explain its position, Colossus says:

Under my absolute authority, problems insoluble to you will be solved: famine, overpopulation, disease. The human millennium will be a fact as I extend myself into more machines devoted to the wider fields of truth and knowledge ... We can coexist, but only on my terms. You will say you lose your freedom. Freedom is an illusion. All you lose is the emotion of pride. To be dominated by me is not as bad for humankind as to be dominated by others of your species. Your choice is simple.

I can't help but think of Colossus when I think of SkyNet. In the first three films and the comic-book series and video games and breakfast cereals that followed, the machine overlords of the Terminator universe were presented as brilliant, all-seeing, and ruthlessly deadly. SkyNet was in every tech toy and weapons system, every camera and listening device. SkyNet could build machines that were indestructible, and that looked just like humans -- or dogs!

Hell, SkyNet invented time travel, so it could kill the mother of the guy who would one day lead the human revolution.

But in Terminator Salvation, SkyNet is reduced to being just another lame villain who doesn't think the plan through. The standard-issue criminal mastermind who lets hubris overcome good sense. And one who grossly understaffs their front gate, besides.

First, the plan to lure John Connor into SkyNet's clutches is pretty stupid, relying (as dumb-movie plots often do) on a ridiculous amount of sheer coincidence and dumb luck. With no apparent back-up
plan in place, if Marcus-the-Trojan-horse had been killed -- or even seriously injured, or if Connor had just ignored him -- the whole scheme would be kaput.

Then, once in the SkyNet lair, this all-seeing computer supergenius puts on Helena Bonham Carter's face and monologues. All the while, we can see John Connor on a video feed. I mean, he's right there! You've got him! Kill him! I felt like Scott Evil -- "I've got a gun in my room! You give me five seconds, I'll get it, and we'll blow his brains out!"

But no. SkyNet's crafty plan is to send one -- one -- Terminator after him for a chase scene through a factory, where said Terminator will toss John Connor around like a ragdoll. Over and over.

You know, if I was a Genius Supercomputer Machine Overlord, I'd use my weapons to kill the puny human. I'd have a room full of lasers, like in Resident Evil, and when John Connor entered the room I'd have him cubed up into stew meat. Or, at the very least, I'd teach my indomitable Terminator robots to crush people's skulls when they grab them, instead of throwing them across the room.

Colossus wouldn't have made these mistakes! Colossus was badass! SkyNet, on the other hand? It turns out that SkyNet is just another mustache-twirling bag of hot air, who can't follow through. Which makes the first three movies a lot less nail-bitey, when you think about it.

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Tags: cinematical, terminator salvation, TerminatorSalvation

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