What If You Had to Live Inside 'The Proposal'?

There's a script to be written, hopefully by someone with talent, in which a character from the real world gets dropped into a romantic comedy. Sort of like Enchanted in reverse, or the middle part of The Last Action Hero -- a reg'lar Joe or Josephine suddenly finds themselves having to survive in the Rom-Com Universe, forced to adapt their normal-human skills and behavior to an alternate reality where almost nothing is like they know it.

Take The Proposal, for example. Ryan Reynolds' executive-assistant character makes a coffee run for his boss -- but there's no coffee in the cups! Seriously, you can tell from the way he's juggling them in one hand that, as in most movies and TV shows, they're completely empty. Unless, of course, normal physics don't apply in Rom-Com World, which is a distinct possibility. Naturally, when he gets the coffee all the way back to the office, the first thing that happens is that he slams into a co-worker, and coffee cascades from the now-full cups all over his shirt.

See, this is one way that it would be hard to live in a romantic comedy. For starters, when I buy coffee, the cup's almost always full of coffee. I like that. And if I was constantly running into people and spilling my magical drink all over myself, I'd need to keep multiple changes of clothes in my car and at my office. I imagine that people in rom-coms must have overnight bags stashed all over the place, given how often they spill stuff, fall down, and have messy things flung at them. It would be hard on the wardrobe.



Also, everybody's family is rich in romantic comedies. Usually, we don't even know why. In Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, a wedding is held at a ginormous country estate, which was owned by a now-dead uncle but still seems to be in the family. Who lives there now that the uncle's gone? How do they pay for the upkeep? The movie never tells us. Having a family mansion would certainly be handy, but I'd always be worried about paying taxes on it, or that the roof might need replacing.

Finances are always really sketchy in rom-coms, anyway. Like, even if you have a crappy job or you're unemployed, you have to live in a really nice apartment, usually in New York City, which is very expensive. But you're not allowed to be too good at your job, especially if you're a woman -- in The Proposal, Sandra Bullock's character is smart, successful, and good at what she does, and because of this everyone at her company thinks she's a complete bitch. In The Devil Wears Prada, we learned that working hard at your chosen career is a bad thing, because you might have to skip your boyfriend's birthday party. Also, you might turn into Meryl Streep.

But really, it's the romance that would be the toughest thing to adjust to if you had to live in a romantic comedy. Your soulmate is destined to be someone that you currently can't stand, so you'd always be wondering which person you hate is the one you'll end up marrying. Me, I don't like anyone, so I'd be paranoid that one of my obnoxious co-workers was secretly the love of my life. Since I already don't like them, I wouldn't exactly be thrilled about the prospect.

And if you're fond of honest, straightforward communication ... forget about it. No one is going to set you straight when a problem arises (if you even live in one of the movies where you have friends, since most rom-com characters exist in a friendless vacuum), and any time someone plans a surprise party you'll think your boyfriend is cheating on you. Me, I'd find that maddening. I'd also be constantly yelling at people, "Oh, for the love of jeebus, just tell him already!" Like I don't have enough social problems already.

Of course, the one upside is that you'd find love (unless you're the best-friend character, usually the chubby girl or the gay guy, in which case you're hosed). First, you'll have to run across town, or drive somewhere fast, or take a cab to the airport to catch them before they get on a plane. Still, you'd fall in love.

And since that's the very last thing that happens, immediately afterward you both die.