Cinematical Seven: 'Revenge of the Fallen' Absurdities We Kind of Love
Filed under: Action, Cinematical Seven
I wouldn't recommend actually sitting through Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen to anyone. But in the abstract -- after you've been through the horrifying experience -- there are parts of the film that are so bizarre that the whole thing starts to look like the work of some sick, Andy Kaufman-esque jokester genius. And then it becomes kind of interesting. I mean, some of this stuff can't be for real... Can it?
1. Megan Fox's first appearance. See above. That is the first shot of Megan Fox in the film, as she works on a motorcycle in her family's garage while taking a call from boyfriend Shia LaBoeuf. Makes sense, right? Or do you not typically mount your motorcycle in that fashion, wearing knee-high boots and denim hot pants, to do some body work? If not, why not? Hysterical -- though I have to say that Michael Bay's leering at Fox throughout the movie eventually becomes a little uncomfortable. And if you didn't think it was possible for a director to leer at his star with the camera, Revenge of the Fallen proves you wrong.
2. The enormous Bad Boys II poster in Sam's dorm room. If it just appeared on someone's wall at a point in the film, that would be one thing -- a little arrogant, but not really notable. That's not what happens here. The poster for Bay's Bad Boys II -- presumably belonging to Sam's motormouth techie roommate -- is enormous, and fills the screen on at least two occasions. The self-regard is astounding. Has a director ever put in product placement for his other work in a movie before?
3. The obsession with things humping other things. It doesn't really matter what things. First, we see dogs going at it. Why? Because humping dogs are funny, that's why. Then, later, a miniature decepticon grinds against Megan Fox's leg. Why? I have no earthly idea. I guess Bay or his producers thought this would amuse someone, somewhere. Gotta spend $200 million somehow.
4. John Turturro's ass in a g-string. Again I ask: Why? Why did we need to see that? Whose idea was it? And -- at the risk of repeating myself -- why? It's just so delightfully inexplicable.
5. The racism -- Okay, we don't really "love" the minstrely ebonics-bots who "don't do much readin'," or the entirely gratuitous buck-toothed deli worker. But the movie's racism is so blatant and casual that it becomes kind of funny. To clarify: I have no interest in manufactured outrage. I don't think Revenge of the Fallen will affect American race relations, or perpetuate stereotypes in any way that matters. I just think the movie should be laughed at for its utter cluelessness. I mean, what is this stuff? What were they thinking?
6. The Obama-bashing -- I actually don't mind this much. Certainly plenty of genre films from the past few years have gone after Bush, so Obama is fair game too. But it's just so random. Why, exactly, would Obama dispatch a weaselly Congressman to instruct our savior robots to go home? Is that supposed to be him capitulating to the terrorists? I don't get it.
7. The running time -- Torturous; criminal. But kind of funny in retrospect, too. I mean, two and a half hours. Who could possibly have thought this movie would be entertaining at that length. At around 100 minutes, I semi-seriously considered the possibility that the movie would never end, and I would never be permitted to leave. (I was assigned to reviw the film for another outlet.) It's mind-boggling.
But yes, yes, I know. $60.6 million on the first day. Joke's on me. But it was a joke. Right?
Robert Pattinson Talks 'Breaking Dawn' & 'Unbound Captives'
Gwyneth Paltrow Joins Nicole Kidman in 'The Danish Girl'
Discuss: The Movies That Haunt You_thumbnail.jpg)
'Yogi Bear' Will Cry Me A River With Its Cast
Watch This: Movie Titles That Slip Into the Dialogue
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 3)
6-25-2009 @ 10:29PM
jacobracer said...
Just saw the IMAX version today, so i get where your coming from in certain respects (and WTF about that hot girl being a transformer??)
But my feeling is: loosen up. Transformers is supposed to be a fun, explosive ride, which it definitely was. The robots are supposed to have unique personalities. The twins were supposed to be fun, which they were. I get why everyone is criticizing Bay for making them "black", but come on, did you or did you not have fun?? Sometimes a movie should be a bit ridiculous.
I actually felt ROTF stayed true to the original cartoons. I mean, how AMAZING were those?
Reply
6-26-2009 @ 6:24PM
Nurman said...
You are an idiot.
6-26-2009 @ 7:28PM
Jacob Steinerman said...
And you my friends, dont know how to have a little fun.
6-25-2009 @ 10:43PM
InitechEmployee said...
The ironic thing about the legnth is, when your just about to stand up in your seat and scream "I'm done", due to the plot just dragging, and trying to do something other than effects overload and sexual innuendo (which is why we would go see a movie like this, certainly not for the plot), Simmons says in so many words about the briefing that there needs to be a beginning, middle and end and cut the bull. John Turturro's character perfectly articulated collectively what the audience was thinking about the movie.
Reply
6-25-2009 @ 10:47PM
jaycamper said...
Pity the poor person who had to see Turturro's ass in IMAX.
Reply
6-25-2009 @ 10:49PM
Dave said...
Uh, not to defend Mr. Bay here in any regard, but yes, other directors have practiced self-plugging "product placement" in their own films before. Samuel Fuller plugs his own "Shock Corridor" on a theater marquee in the following film he made, "The Naked Kiss". Dozens of other filmmakers have done the same thing. It used to be called clever homage, but now I suppose we can only interpret it as "product placement", right?
Reply
6-25-2009 @ 11:51PM
TheDude said...
You can't pay homage to yourself. Bay's placement of the poster is nothing more than ego stroking.
6-25-2009 @ 11:52PM
Avon said...
I felt a little uncomfortable with the casual racism too, but plenty people in the audience thought it was cool, which made me feel even more uncomfortable.
The special effects were impressive, but at times the camera was so dizzying that I couldn't focus where or what I was supposed to look at.
Reply
6-27-2009 @ 2:34PM
roman said...
In the record store in Clockwork Orange the couple stops for a 2001 soundtrack album. Kubrick was only influenced by himself at that point. Bay's just a fucking retard. Godawful except for the Optimus Megatron fight in the woods where I thought Bay shined.
Reply
6-26-2009 @ 12:07AM
Stevetacular said...
Uhhhhh yeah I've seen Transformers 2 before, it was called Terminator 3, and Transformers 1.
Reply
6-26-2009 @ 12:19AM
craig said...
With the Obama thing, the first Transformers had an anti-Bush bent to it that, I presume, was carried over to the writing of the sequel. Funny thing is that now we have a president that people like, so yeah it was weird. Also notice the swine flu reference that was obviously looped in at the last second.
Reply
6-26-2009 @ 1:00AM
Avi said...
Also, why was this film obsessed with Jordan? Why did they think the Jordanian army would bail them out of a battle with giant alien robots? One would think you would at least call Israel (considering its huge military power and allied position with the United States), if nothing else, it's closer to Egypt than Jordan is (although from watching this movie it seems Michael bay thinks that Egypt and Jordan share a border).
Reply
6-26-2009 @ 2:41AM
rainbow said...
I did think it was odd that they specifically mentioned obama in a news thing and later said -- the president did this, the president said that, as justification for whatever stupid government thing was going on (i wasn't paying attention and i don't really remember what was going on).
Veiled criticism? I don't know. But it could have easily been avoided by simply referring to him as "the President" on the news -- they didn't mention him at any other time. Perhaps he was trying to root the story in a more "realistic" setting by mentioning things that were going on now, like Obama and the swine flu.
Reply
6-26-2009 @ 9:06AM
meltzer.justin said...
More "realistic?" Did you see this movie!?! Realism was thrown out the window and blugoned with hammer 20 seconds in!
6-26-2009 @ 6:54AM
Lisa said...
I totally agree with this list. There was so much unnecessary filler in this movie, most for comic relief. Don't get me wrong, I found the movie to be entertaining for what it was but there's so much stuff that I just though WTF.
I'd like to add to the list
- Massive amount of screen time being dedicated to the mom being obsessed with baby booties and then again getting high. After 5 minutes of the parents being crazy (esp the mom) I was thinking Alright! We get it! Zany parents!
- Femme bot that somehow knew how to take human form. First of all, before they reveal she was a bot, you already knew because she was so one dimensional and ridiculous for no reason. Second, since when did the Decepticons chat to the Cylons to get their human mimicing technology. Seriously, I hate that it was never explained. Maybe it comes from Transformers lore? who knows.
Reply
6-28-2009 @ 5:06PM
Ry said...
Alice was a Pretender, which is a part of the Transformers universe.
6-28-2009 @ 5:35PM
Lisa said...
Ah good to know. Well at least they didn't pull that out of nowhere. Although for all the time the movie spends on silly comic relief scenes that don't affect the plot at all, I wish they could have at least dedicated maybe a few lines on how the Decepticons were able to mimic human form.
Plus it still drives me nuts how obvious it was that she was a baddie.
6-26-2009 @ 7:46AM
C.A. said...
First movie in a long time that was so bad that I walked out. Once I've heard nearly every transformer say "bitches" that's pretty much it for me.
Reply
7-08-2009 @ 12:05AM
Joey said...
i completely agree, Mr. Bay's choice of making these robots hip with lingo was so cringe-worthy
6-26-2009 @ 8:19AM
leaflinks said...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A9LC0Yc6Q_U
Megan Fox tribute
Reply