Quick List: Sex Scenes That Aren't Sexy

Like plenty of you out there, I sat down to watch Brüno over the weekend and was treated to one of the more graphic sex scenes I've had the pleasure of witnessing in a long time. But unlike most sex scenes, this one wasn't about turning on the crowd, it was about getting laughs. Now in Brüno's case, the comedic effect was a deliberate one, but it did get me thinking about sex scenes in films that have had the opposite of their intended effect. So that's why today I've put together a list of sex scenes in movies that aren't the least bit sexy.

Showgirls
Let's start off with the big dog, shall we? When it comes to ridiculous on-screen sex, it doesn't get much dumber than Showgirls. If you don't believe me, do a quick search for a list of the worst sex scenes and this Eszterhas/Verhoeven turkey is usually the hands down winner -- and rightfully so. When it comes to low points, there really is too much to choose from, but the highlights include Elizabeth Berkley flailing about like an electrocuted dolphin while her partner, Kyle MacLachlan, is busy making 'barf faces' (which I suppose were meant to be ecstasy). So watch the clip in it's entirety here and see if you can make it to the end without bursting into laughter.

After the jump: more laughably bad sex scenes...


Damage
When it comes to the sex in this movie, I can't decide what's ickier: the fact that in the film Jeremy Irons is sleeping with his son's girlfriend, or the awkward 'positioning' involved when Juliette Binoche and Irons finally do get it on. This one is definitely NSFW, but if you are curious you can watch the entire scene here.


Titanic
Sure, this flick might be one of the greatest romances in film history, but damn if it doesn't also have one of the silliest sex scenes in film history, too. Even if you overlook the physical incompatibility of Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet, there is still the small matter of that infamous hand print in the steamy window to make you chuckle out loud every time.


Purple Rain
It's kind of funny that a man who makes some of the finest 'baby-making' music in history could make a sex scene this lame. Purple Rain could have been a living testament to Prince's lady-killing prowess, but when we finally watch him get it on with his muse, Apollonia, the whole thing winds up being just plain weird. Unfortunately, Prince doesn't like to share and I couldn't find the scene in question, but if you are a fan of truly awful music you can make do with Apollonia 6's contribution to the film, Sex Shooter.


Body of Evidence
On paper, Madonna playing a black widow with a taste for S&M must have seemed pretty hot, but if you've had the bad luck of seeing this erotic thriller, you know better than anybody that hot is the last word you would use to describe the sex in this flick. Instead, we got laughable sexual acrobatics and zero romantic chemistry between Madonna and her co-star Willem Dafoe -- and if you don't believe me, watch this scene.

Now I've only just scratched the surface, and I didn't have time to give honorable mentions to films like: Poison Ivy, The Specialist, Swordfish, or Last Tango in Paris, but that's where you come in, so sound off in the comments and list your nominations for the silliest sex scenes...