Cinematical Seven: Greatest Monsters in Kid Films
Filed under: Comedy, Sci-Fi & Fantasy, Fandom, Cinematical Seven, Comic/Superhero/Geek, Lists
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In honor of this week's release of DreamWork's Monsters vs Aliens on both DVD and Blu-ray, we measly humans here at Cinematical have decided to wade through the hordes of monsters and or aliens in kid friendly films to find the cream of the closet-dwelling, slime-dripping, child-eating, smile-inducing crop of inhuman lovables. In doing so it has occurred to me just how hard it is for a film to make an iconic character for children.
Sure, it's easy to make something marketable for kids, but to make monstrous and unique characters for children to cherish into adulthood, not unlike the mutated heroes of MvA, takes a lot of talent.
E.T.
I have no reason to lie to you. I'm a 24-year-old man and E.T. still scares me. He has ever since I was a wee little lad. I can't pinpoint the moment that instilled such a ridiculous fear of everyone's favorite horticulturist from outer space, but I think it's a combination of two scenes. The first being when ET tries to phone home and inadvertently causes hurricane winds, flying saw blades, and me in the fetal position. Then we have the seemingly innocent visitor gray, shriveled and dying in the creek bed, looking like the specter of death to a frightened child like me.
My kindertrauma aside, I can't help but respect the terrifying little dude. He holds a special little place in my heart, even if it's in a deep, dark recess that makes me long for my blanky,
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Gizmo of GremlinsGizmo, on the other hand, is a cute little guy I've always loved. He's adorable, he may spawn not-so-cute mini-devils, but he does span two films, and when he does the Rambo sequence in Gremlins 2: The New Batch, I'm pretty sure my heart actually melts into a puddle. Considering I can't count how many times I've seen that sequence and I'm still walking around, I believe that makes me a medical enigma.
The Mummy vs. The Monster Squad
And speaking of monsters in the closet, Fred Dekker's The Monster Squad has maybe my favorite closeted monster ever. I speak, of course, of The Mummy. Sure, he's a walking corpse and sure he's trying to help Count Dracula kidnap and murder children, but he's still a docile bundle of rags you kind of secretly wish would be hiding in your own closet.
Experiment 626 of Lilo & Stitch
Ah, Experiment 626, AKA Stitch of Lilo & Stitch, one of the last great hand-drawn animations from Disney before the studio threw the majority of their weight into CGI and, now, the third dimension. Stitch himself (or itself) is a lovable little maniac that tears about everything when Lilo isn't around, but he does it such a charming, impulsive way that kids can't help but wish they had an escaped alien experiment of their own to call their best friend.
Plus, who can now ever forget that Ohana means family.
The Employees of Monsters Inc.
I thought about not including Pixar's Monsters Inc. in a list of great monsters in kid films purely because of how obvious a choice is, but I just couldn't bring myself to ignore it. Sully, Mike, the Abominable Snowman, Randall Boggs, they're all fantastic; plus Pete Docter's film shines a super-happy spotlight on the monsters in the closet we all imagined as children. And when Mary puts on her little monster costume and transforms into Boo, Monsters Inc. goes into absolute cuteness overload.
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The Purple People EaterI should only have to use this space to quote lyrics and you'd instinctively know why the One-Eyed, One-Horned, Flyin' Purple People Eater is a definitive childhood monster. But I'm not going to do that. Instead, I'm just going to list the cast, which includes, but is not limited to, Kareem Abdul-Jaabar, Neil Patrick Harris, Thora Birch and Dustin Diamond. Sure, they overshadow the alien itself, but then again, the alien's song will now overshadow every thought you have for the remainder of the day.
And, hey, he sure does still look strange to me.
Rockbiter from The Neverending Story
Flying dog dragons? Tiny people who ride racing snails? The terrifying Nothing and the wolf creature it sends after Atreyu? All take a back seat to Rockbiter, the mountain sized rock monster who rides a bike straight into my heart. The Neverending Story is overflowing with fun childhood fantasy moments, but it's always been the image of Rockbiter oh-so-slowly hauling mineral tush on his bike that puts a smile on my face.
Oh, Rockbiter, why couldn't you have had a spin-off film?
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)
9-30-2009 @ 11:29PM
Still freaked said...
I am STILL freaked out by ET. I recovered and grew to love Gremlins but ET just even in my 30's scares me the ever livin' lovin' hell out of me.
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10-03-2009 @ 8:56PM
Natalie said...
I am so glad I'm not the only one *still* weirded out by e.t. That guy scared the snot out of me as a child. I never have and I will continue to refuse to watch the movie. ::shudder::
10-01-2009 @ 2:17AM
forts said...
Beast from Beauty & the Beast? Elliot the dragon from Pete's Dragon? Mushu from Mulan? (Ok bit of a stretch)
Other than that great list. Love Stitch, one of the great movie characters before he got over-commercialized.
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10-01-2009 @ 4:43AM
Chelsea said...
Rockbiter is the best!
It's kind of sad near the end though, when he's talking to Atreyu.
"They look like big, strong hands, don't they?"
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10-01-2009 @ 5:01AM
Midnight13 said...
"Oh Rockbiter, why can't you have a spin-off film." You obviously have not seen the travasty that was "The NeverEnding Story 3" where RockBiter and his Kid drive around in his bike to "Born to Be Wild". And believe me, you really don't want to see it.
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10-01-2009 @ 9:32AM
Misha said...
Glad to know I'm not the only one who was traumatized by ET as a child. I still can't be in the same room when it is on.
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10-01-2009 @ 10:21AM
erik slavin said...
THE IRON GIANT!!!
OK... maybe not a monster... but don't make him angry. You won't like him when....
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10-01-2009 @ 12:08PM
Maverick Saturn (Igor) said...
Gremlins, E.T and Stitch are my favourites.
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10-01-2009 @ 12:10PM
Sean Beanland said...
Yeah, ET always freaked me out as a kid. I think it was the scenes with the men in radiation suits or whatever you call them. I've talked to a several other people who said they hated that movie because of something weird and intangible that freak them out. Wonder if Spielberg is aware of people having those kinds of feelings about it.
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10-01-2009 @ 9:28PM
Liz said...
What about Maurice from "Little Monsters"?
I used to watch that movie every time it was on tv.
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10-02-2009 @ 5:15AM
robert said...
ET freaked me out when I was younger. The scene I don't like is where Eliott meets him in the long grass and shines the torch on him then he does that horrid scream and waves his arms around.
I know what people mean about wierd and intangible, the music is kinda hypnotic and spooky throughtout the film.
I also have trouble watching the final sequence of Close Encounters. The whole film has that same creepy vibe that builds to sheer terror for me at the end. I think it may be the fact that Spielberg created such "realistic" depictions of alien contact in ET and also previously in C.E. that it almost brought the reality to life and that unsettles me greatly. I can barely watch the scenes with the little boy in C.E. such as the abduction and first alien visit where they trash the kitchen in his home. You never see the aliens but that makes it unsettling. A trick he learned on Jaws I guess.
The sequence in the long grass also reminded me of a scene in the 50's version of War of the Worlds when the heroine is touch on the shoulder by one of the aliens and she turns round so we finally see the aliens. I don't think the scene in that film is particular scary but the comparisons to ET unsettled me.
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10-02-2009 @ 9:44AM
thelurkingbat said...
What about Ludo from 'Labyrinth'? ...or any of the characters from 'Mad Monster Party?' ?
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10-02-2009 @ 1:55PM
Tim said...
• Harry from "Harry and the Hendersons"
• The Bumble from "Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer" (not from a theatrical film, I realize).
• "The Seven Faces of Dr. Lao"
• Anything in a Ray Harryhausen film.
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10-02-2009 @ 9:57AM
Sam Raffield said...
I'm happy to know E.T. scared others. I'm shocked that no one has mentioned the opening sequence when he's running from Keys and the government. That screaming....whew it gives me chills. Also, the scene where he comes out of the shed and begins to walk slowly towards Elliot? Truly one of the most disturbing and frightening scenes in a "film for children."
But kudos on mentioning the Rock-Biter. He was one of my faves from the film.
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10-02-2009 @ 10:13AM
Laura said...
TOTORO!!
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10-02-2009 @ 12:16PM
Alvy SInger said...
Good article -- but what a sad collection of monsters! I would have chosen:
1. the bogeymen from 1934's March of the Wooden Soldiers
2. & 3. the Wicked, Witch of the West and the flying monkeys from 1939's Wizard of Oz,
4. The Child Catcher from Chitty, Chitty, Bang, Bang.
5. Voldermort from Harry Potter
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10-02-2009 @ 6:35PM
Damien Jaymz said...
I was more afraid of the human scientists in ET than I was of the alien himself. They pissed me off to know end. Here is this benevolent little alien who doesn't want to harm anyone or anything and they really just wanna cut him open. I was more fearful for ET than fearful of him. He is a great addition to this list. And even though I was 20 when I saw Lilo and Stitch, he we always hold a special place in mine, and my best friends heart. He was amazing, hilarious, and just flat out psychotic and a great Disney creation. I kind of which I could see him in a 3D environment but i will suffice. I still have the "Elvis Stitch" toy that McDonalds gave away in their happy meals (I only bought them to get that toy) and it still brings me joy.
The only problem I have with this list is that the Garbage Pail Kids aren't on it anywhere. Sure it was a movie based on a card set (but so was Mars Attacks) but when I worked at a West Coast Video from 01-04 I can't tell you how many requests I got for that movie and had to deny them because it was out of print. That was a classic example of tween/teen camp in the 80's but the kids all had their own identities.
Other than that, great list. I had forgetten about the awesomeness that was The Purple People Eater.
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10-02-2009 @ 8:24PM
Kyle Mooney said...
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is not in the Purple People Eater (despite his imdb credit). I own this movie, and have never seen him in there. Furthermore, his name doesn't appear in the the closing credits.
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10-03-2009 @ 9:44PM
query said...
hmmm,
who is in the costume?
10-03-2009 @ 8:56PM
Natalie said...
Hexxus from FernGully!
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