Quentin Tarantino Gets Smurfing Smurfy in 'Smurfs'
Filed under: Animation, Casting, Family Films, Newsstand, Quentin Tarantino
Quentin Tarantino may not have won an Oscar last Sunday, but according to IGN, he won a role in Raja Gosnell's live-action movie The Smurfs instead. Small consolation, there, I guess. Tarantino will be joining a cast that includes Neil Patrick Harris, certifiably insane comedy legend Jonathan Winters as Papa Smurf and part-time lesbian Katy Perry as Smurfette. Tarantino will of course be playing the most annoying smurf of them all -- Brainy Smurf.I could not stand Brainy Smurf when I was a kid. The bespectacled know-it-all demanded respect from the other smurfs in a whiny, nasal twang, always warning against some calamity that was sure to befall the smurfs, or thinking of himself as the second-in-command to Papa Smurf. The other smurfs never seemed to like him much, and who can blame them? He could've ended up in the bottom of Gargamel's kettle, and I wouldn't have cared.
The obvious joke here is to re-imagine Tarantino's trademark dialogue, replacing "smurf" (as smurfs do) for some of his choice expletives, so please allow me to make the obvious jokes now.
"Lemme tell you what 'Like a Smurfette' is about. It's all about this smurf who's a regular smurf machine, I'm talking morning, day, night, afternoon, smurf, smurf, smurf, smurf, smurf, smurf, smurf, smurf, smurf." (from Reservoir Smurfs)
"I don't need you to tell me how smurfing good my coffee is, okay? I'm the one who buys it. I know how good it is. When Smurfette goes shopping, she buys SMURF. I buy the gourmet expensive stuff because when I drink it, I want to taste it. But you know what's on my mind right now? It ain't the coffee in my kitchen, it's the dead smurf in my garage." (from Smurf Fiction)
Or you could just watch someone's homemade parody video after the jump.
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
3-11-2010 @ 5:55PM
Tarheel said...
Do you see a sign in my front yard that says "Dead Smurf Storage?"
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3-11-2010 @ 6:00PM
Kevin said...
"The path of the righteous smurf is beset on all sides by the inequities of the smurfish and the tyranny of smurfy men. Blessed is he who, in the name of smurfity and good will, smurfs the weak through the valley of the darkness - for he is truly his brother's smurfer and the smurfer of smurfed children. And I will smurf down upon thee with great smurfiness and smurfious anger those who attempt to smurf and destroy my brothers. And you will smurf I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you."
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3-11-2010 @ 6:13PM
Stan Winstone said...
Pfft- these sorts of dreck films are precisely the harbingers of the decline of Western civilization...
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3-11-2010 @ 7:01PM
Smiggy said...
It should only be "I'm talking morning, day, night, afternoon, smurf, smurf, smurf, smurf, smurf, smurf, smurf." 7 smurfs, not 9. Hahahaha
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3-11-2010 @ 11:27PM
Jenna V. said...
Am I the only one who thinks Tarantino would be a better fit for the role of Gargamel?
http://www.contactmusic.com/pics/m/quentin_tarantino_190907/Quentin_Tarantino_9_wenn1581443.jpg
http://www.newsgroper.com/files/legacy/gargamel1.jpeg
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3-12-2010 @ 2:01AM
The Baron Matrix said...
I err on the side of "brainy."
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3-12-2010 @ 7:36AM
FluXulF said...
@Jenna: Far from it ;) When I read the headline I was 99% sure it would be in the role of Gargamel. I mean, just look at him ;)
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3-12-2010 @ 8:02AM
j said...
This reminds me of a smurf. This smurf comes into a smurf, walks up to the smurftender. Says, "Smurftender, I got me a bet for you. I'm gonna bet you $300 that I can smurf into that smurf over there and not spill a single, solitary smurf." The smurftender looks. I mean, we're talking, like, this smurf is like a good ten smurfs away. He says, "Now wait, let me get this strait. You're tryin' to tell me you'll bet me $300 that you can smurf, standing over here, way over there into that smurf, and not spill a single smurf?" Customer looks up and says, "That's right." Smurftender says, "Young smurf, you got a bet." The guy goes, "Smurfy, here we go. Here we go." Pulls out his schmurf. He's lookin' at the smurf, smurf. He's smurfin' about the smurf. He's smurfin' about the smurf. Smurf. He's smurfin' about the smurf, smurf. Thinkin' about his smurf. Smurf, smurf, smurf, smurf, smurf, smurf, smurf, smurf, smurf, smurf, smurf, smurf, smurf, smurf. And then, *foosh*, he lets it smurf. And he-he's smurfs all over the place, smurf. He's smurfin' on the smurf. He smurfin' on the smurfs, on the smurf, on the smurf, on the smurftender! He's smurfing everywhere *except* the smurfcking smurf! Right? Okay. So, smurftender, he's laughing his smurfckin' smurf off. He's $300 richer. He's like, "Ha, ha, ha, ha!" Smurf dripping off his smurf. "Ha, ha, ha, ha!" He says, "You smurfcking idiot, smurf! You got smurf in everything except the smurf! You owe me $300 smurfta." Guy goes, "Excuse me just one-one little smurf." Goes in the back of the smurf. In back, there's a couple of smurfs playing smurf. He walks over to them. Comes back to the smurf. Goes, "Here you go, Mr. Smurftender, 300." And the smurftender's like, "What the smurfck are you so smurfy about? You just lost $300, idiot!" The smurf says, "Well, see those smurfs over there? I just bet them $500 a piece that I could smurf on your smurf, smurf on your smurf, smurf on your smurf, and smurf on you, and not only would you not be smurf about it, you'd be smurfy."
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