I'm very pleased that my Cinematical colleague James Rocchi both enjoyed Speed Racer and published his review before mine, and here's why: I couldn't wait for the damn thing to end. This garish, aimless film wore out its welcome (and its crayon box) after about 25 minutes, but the cinematic eyesore just kept lumbering on for two full hours. I know it's tough to keep kids still in a movie theater even when they like the movie they're watching, so I can only imagine what parents will be dealing with as Speed Racer's merciless stretches of blah-blah-blah hit the screen. Aside from three or four mega-flashy racing sequences, Speed Racer feels like the pilot episode of a Fox TV series called The Generic Family from Plastic World.
A young man named "Speed Racer" grows up to become a hot-shot car racer (imagine that), but when he refuses to sign with an evil tycoon, it kick-starts a third-act conflict that can only be solved by ... car racing! There's the whole of your plot in a nutshell, but I've left out the resoundingly clumsy flashback structure, the nominally interesting but ultimately pointless side characters, and several absurdly "emotional" moments that might have made an impact if they didn't occur on sets made entirely of bright pink styrofoam and glitter. There's also an allegedly mysterious character called Racer X, a button-cute and entirely superfluous girlfriend character, and (wedged in clumsily whenever things get dull) a mischievous little kid and his monkey sidekick.
Here's where I get confused: If you knew a pair of people like the characters played by Cameron Diaz and Ashton Kutcher in the new feature-length sitcom pilot What Happens in Vegas, you'd probably hate them. Undoubtedly, in real life, you'd want to punch / mock / immediately walk away from people so outrageously stupid, selfish, and insufferable. So here's my question: Why would you actually PAY for the experience of meeting two such woeful and worthless people? It's not like there's much upside for you...
Pre-packaged movie star detritus of the most inane order, What Happens in Vegas offers an I Love Lucy premise, an Odd Couple leading duo, and a Three's Company screenplay. (I mean, like, season five Three's Company, when you could spot the flaccid punch-lines the split-second the set-up is delivered.) It's not like I went in gunning for the flick, because I happen to think that A) Ashton Kutcher is a fairly funny guy, B) Cameron Diaz is still (often) a generally appealing movie star, and C) "high concept" comedy can sometimes make for one colorful and energetic night at the cinema -- but I've been to writing seminars that offer more humor, creativity, and cleverness than what's on display here. And trust me, writing seminars have none of those things.
He's one of pop culture's most beloved outer space adventurers, but we sure haven't seen a lot of good ol' Buck Rogers lately. (Then again, Flash Gordon's most recent incarnation was pretty awful, so maybe that's a good thing.) Born in 1928 from the pen of Mr. Philip Nowlan, Buck Rogers was a pilot / astronaut who fell into a five-century coma, only to awaken to find the world all futurized and stuff: robots, laser guns, spaceships, interstellar wars, all that jazz.
On screens of various size, the character has appeared in a 12-part 1939 serial from Universal Pictures, a short-lived 1950 television series, and (of course) a 1979 movie / TV program that starred Gil Gerard and (sigh) Erin Gray. So the big guy is heading back to the cinemas? Yep. According to IGN Movies, it's Avi Lerner's Millennium Films that will resurrect the Buck Rogers character for a whole new generation of sci-fi nerdlings. (I guess Millennium is using their Rambo money on this project.)
But it gets even geekier! Apparently author / artist / filmmaker Frank Miller will be the one in the director's chair! IGN says that the $40 million Buck Rogers project will be Miller's next gig once he's all finished with The Spirit. The screenplay comes from genre veteran Flint Dille, but there's one thing that gives me a little pause, and it's this quote specifically: "The cheapness of the low-budget effects will be a running joke in the movie, which will retain the campiness of the 1980s TV series Buck Rogers in the 25th Century starring Gil Gerard." Whoa, really? That's the direction you want to go in, fellas? Maybe I'm just an old-school Kaelist, but I think BAD things happen when you try to force "campiness." A sense of humor is fine, but let's not make a cheap joke out of good ol' Buck Rogers.
Their batting average might not be all that stellar, but I'm still rooting for the After Dark team. In theory, their idea of snatching up eight indie / foreign horror flicks a year and offering them a brief theatrical run is fantastic. And I've no doubt that the AD crew does the best they can with the flicks and funds that are available, but let's face it: Their track record isn't exactly sterling, now is it? (Their flick recap can be found after the jump.) But things seem to be looking up in After Dark country: According to The Hollywood Reporter, the scrappy little distributor plans to get a lot more involved in the production side of the equation.
They've already announced Sean Ellis' The Broken* as the first AD08 title, but now we seem to have movies two and three. Production begins this month in Romania on both Faithless and Perkins' 14, the former a thriller about a woman on the run from domestic abuse, the latter a serial killer chiller. (Hey, the less I know about the plots, the better.) Faithless comes from the team of Stewart Hopewell and Tim Long, while Jeremy Donaldson's Perkins' 14 was apparently the winner of a screenwriting contest at Massify.com, which is kind of interesting. That flick will be directed by Craig Singer, whom Horrorfesters will remember from Dark Ride. This pair of flicks marks AD's first return to full-on production since 2006's An American Haunting.
Here's a tip to all my writer friends: If you cook up a basic yet amusing idea about an article that ties in to an upcoming holiday .... don't wait to write it! The interwebs are full of smart writers who can hatch that very same idea all by themselves, but in this case it was my good pals at FEARnet, so I only kicked myself twice. Anyway, what with Mother's Day on the way, FN's Gabrielle DiPietro and Joe McCabe came up with a crackin' Top 10 list of MILFs (Moms I Like to Fear), which you can enjoy right here.
And since FEARnet (like most quality horror sites) is run by folks who actually know what they're talking about, this list has a solid handful of surprises in there. Of course Mama Bates earns a spot, and I'd be flipping out if Mrs. Voorhees didn't get a mention -- but kudos to the FEARnetters for including ... well, I don't want to spoil the fun, but these are NOT all obvious choices. My favorites are #7, #6, #2, and #1, but that 'honorable mention' pick is as hilarious as it is appropriate. Here's a fun question, though: Who did Gabby and Joe leave out? It's a fine list to be sure, but there's LOTS of other "horror moms" out there...
Those lovable Twitch boys love their foreign genre fare a whole lot, but when they get THIS enthusiastic about an upcoming project, that's usually enough to get me salivating like a movie-nerd version of Pavlov's dogs. What's the movie that has the Twitch boys extra-twitchy today? It looks to be a VERY enticing flick called Iron Sky, which is a Finnish sci-fi comedy noir (I think) about the Nazis who colonized the moon in 1945 and are due for a return to Earth in 2018.
Yeah, feel free to read that description a second time -- and then click here to visit Twitch and enjoy the very cool promotional teaser for the flick. I know nothing about the movie aside from Todd Brown's basic description and what's offered in the promo clip -- but hot damn I sure hope this movie ends up at one of the genre festivals I'm covering later this year. This is a seriously impressive little mini-movie, from the noirish visual style and the haunting song to the sci-fi slickness and the (very amusing) final shot of the statue... If the movie's only half as cool as Twitch hopes it will be, it will still be pretty damn neat. (For more info, bookmark Twitchfilm and then check out the official Iron Sky website.)
OK, first off: Whoever decided to call this movie Beverly Hills Chihuahua needs to be fired really quick. I mean, seriously: Are we still cribbing titles off of Beverly Hills Cop -- which came out 27 years ago? You want your new kiddie flick to be remembered as fondly as Beverly Hills Ninja, Beverly Hills Bodysnatchers, Troop Beverly Hills, and The Taking of Beverly Hills? With all due respect to Down and Out in Beverly Hills and Slums of Beverly Hills, the phrase is practically the kiss of death where movies are concerned. (Makes me wish Axel Foley's first adventure had had a more accurate title, like A Detroit Cop in Beverly Hills or The Cop Who Laughed Funny.)
But somehow I doubt it's the title that's going to irritate you most about this trailer. Personally I couldn't get past the fact that the computer-generated canines look about as realistic as a bunch of Muppet puppies. And get this: I actually own a half-chihuahua / half-terrier (it's actually my sister's freaky little dog), so I guess I'm part of the intended audience for this thing. Anyway, check out the mind-numbing promo clip and then we'll talk blame.
If I asked you to name a half-dozen Marvel characters besides Spider-Man, Wolverine, and The Hulk, you'd probably have no problem. But if I asked you to rattle off six DC Comics superheroes besides Superman and Batman, your response might sound a little like this: "Well, The Flash, of course. And Wonder Woman. Oh, Aquaman! Um ... Green Arrow and Green Lantern, I suppose..." and then I'd rudely interrupt you with mentions of Hawkmanand Martian Manhunter before you started shaking your head in either confusion or disbelief in my nerdiness. (I can never tell which is which.)
I know all about the Justice League movie problems and the inability to get Wonder Woman flying, but really: After seeing how well-received Iron Manwas -- and after hearing about Marvel's plans regarding The Incredible Hulk, Thor, Captain America, and The Avengers -- I'm starting to feel a little bad for DC Comics' movie division. But here's the thing: As a character of popular culture, Iron Man (born 1963) is not exactly a Spider-Man or even close to a Superman -- and still Marvel and Paramount were able to bang a really excellent blockbuster out of the guy. (And let's not forget that a relatively obscure Marvel character called Blade pretty much kick-started this comic-flick renaissance.) Does anyone doubt that a character like The Flash could have similar results? Given the right cast and crew, I'm thinking The Flash could be one hell of a fun flick. So let's get moving already!
I know I poked some fun at New York City in some of my earlier posts, but I'd by lying if I said I didn't have a good time covering the Tribeca Film Festival this year. (I ate lots of good food!) Davis and I hung out for a bit here and there, but we were mostly knee-deep in work-stuff -- so a hearty thanks to Joel Keller of TV Squad for stepping in and helping out with the coverage. (Cinematical newbie Eric Kohn also threw in an assist!) Additional thanks to all the Tribeca folks -- from the press office people to the theater volunteers and every one in between -- who made the week run so smoothly.
Here you'll find a recap of all our Tribeca coverage. Reviews, interviews, live reports and a few random pieces of stupidity from yours truly. Then after the jump we'll remind you of all the Tribeca 2008 award winners. And then we can all have some milk and cookies.
I have a really cheap DVD player that I was able to convert to "region free" by entering one of those 1-2-up-down-3-4 codes, which means this news is only slightly less awesome for me -- but it's freakin' GREAT news for anyone who loves Shaun of the Dead / Hot Fuzz and has yet to experience the very first experiment from sirs Simon Pegg, Edgar Wright, and Nick Frost. Now, in most cases I wouldn't cover TV shows (mainly because TV Squad does such a kick-ass job of covering TV shows), but seeing as how most of America "met" these guys through the movies, I figure it's news worth doing at Cinematical.
I'll keep it brief: The two-season Spaced set will be released on Region 1 DVD by BBC Video. Release date is July 22. (One certainly hopes that none of the music has been altered. Allegedly, "music rights" is the reason it took so long for Spaced to make its North American debut.) For those who have yet to experience the blissful magic of Spaced, here's a recap that makes it sound like a moronically conventional sitcom. (It's not.) "Two young 'grown-ups' pose as a married couple in order to rent a very attractive flat." (Yep, that's it.) Mr. Pegg's fantastic co-star is Ms. Jessica Stevenson (now Jessica Hynes), and the supporting cast features Julia Deakin, Mark Heap, Katy Carmichael, and (of course) Nick Frost -- all of whom you'll love after about six episodes.
Broad comedy and splattery horror are a pretty tough combo to pull off, but if anyone can do it ... the British can. There's no denying that the British are masters of comedy, and they also have a lot of skill with the scary stuff ... most of the time. One need only take another look at a flick like Shaun of the Dead to see how rare and how satisfying a great "horror comedy combo" can be. Which brings us to The Cottage, an enjoyably but fairly schizophrenic genre experiment that does a fine job with the horror and comedy as separate components -- but, as is usually the case, the combination of the two proves to be a very difficult feat to pull off.
Similar in tone and delivery to Chistopher Smith's Severance, The Cottage tells the story of two astoundingly different brothers who (stupidly) decide to kidnap a crime boss' daughter and hold the buxom blonde for ransom, only to discover that their forest hideout is the home of a typically horrific and mutated murderer. In a fashion that may prove familiar to fans of Robert Rodriguez's From Dusk Till Dawn, The Cottage spends about 45 minutes as a dark-hued kidnapping comedy -- and then it quickly changes speed before evolving into a rather energetic horror-fest. The tonal shift creates a flick that doesn't always work well as a whole, but definitely succeeds on the backs of a few strong performances and a handful of amusingly over-the-top gore-splatters.
The critics loved it, the audiences seem to dig it even more, and the sequel has officially claimed a 2010 release date already: This weekend we're all about the Iron Man. (I was gonna say "This weekend we're all about the iron, man," but it was way too corny.) So while we've already been promised the arrivals of characters called War Machine, Mandarin, and Nick Fury, I hope that the fine folks at Marvel Entertainment will consider tossing a few of these guys into the mix:
Alloy Boy-- Desperate to become Iron Man's first sidekick, young Alfred Loye decides to build himself a suit made of several disparate components. A big fan of TV dinners and collectible unicorns, Alfred fuses tin with pewter and creates an outfit that proves to be as effective as a suit made of tissue paper and smoke. His demise at Bessemer mansion inspires Tony Stark to avoid future sidekicks.
Irony Man -- Although he and Tony Stark shared similar talents for pith and witty banter, Irony Man proved to be an undeniably difficult ally to deal with. The two heroes had a massive falling out after, in a fit of rare sincerity, Irony Man referred to Stark's newest suit as "quite nice, actually." Irony Man was killed by Lord Caustic of Sardonica. His remains are buried in Sarr Chasm.
Vitamin Gal and the FEmales -- After depleting their planet of iron (in a matter of weeks) and fully convinced that Tony Stark is Earth's very source of the vital element, the five young women descend upon the tycoon's mansion and have one hell of a weekend. After learning that iron is in fact one of this planet's most prevalent components, they beat the living hell out of Stark, leaving only Vitamin Girl to hang out for a while. (She would eventually leave him for Centrum executive Frumay Tuzinc.)
The HBO-produced documentary film Baghdad High offers a fairly basic yet intriguing enough premise: The filmmakers gave video cameras to four Iraqi high school students and asked them to simply record as much of their "normal life" as possible. (I'm of the opinion that any time you give a teenager a camera, you're getting everything BUT "normal life," but obviously I'm not the first to claim that the act of recording something instantly obliterates "normalcy.") The point here seems to be that ... hey, you know what? Aside from the fact that they live very far away in a country that's going through some terrible problems these days, these teenagers are a whole lot like ... our teenagers! Wow, how shocking is that?!?!?
What's most interesting about these kids is that, despite the fact that they all live in Iraq, they also come from very different religious backgrounds -- and yet they're still friends! (Hope for the future sometimes comes in small packages, I suppose.) All four of the boys are perfectly charming and entirely typical: They whine about homework, they stress over studies, they gripe about being bored, they argue with their parents, and they do all the stuff that your favorite teens do: Video games, pop music, sports, rough-housing, etc. So far all its admirable intentions, the simple truth is that Baghdad High makes a very good point about the similarities of human nature (especially where teens are concerned), but then it just sort of ... keeps making the same point over and over.
The low-key Spanish import Fermat's Room falls into that (very small) sub-genre that I've just now designated as "math horror." (Vincenzo Natali's Cube also belongs in this group, and maybe even a few other movies that I can't think of right now.) This is a strange but engaging Spanish thriller in which four well-established mathematicians convene after receiving a mysterious invitation, and then find themselves trapped inside a shrinking room. The only way out is to solve a bunch of math riddles, but the biggest question is this: Why the heck is someone trying to kill four mathematicians in the first place?
Handsomely shot and boasting fine work from its five main only actors, Fermat's Room is the sort of mystery / thriller that will appeal to folks who enjoy a good mind-bender as much as they dig a good foreign flick. It's certainly not as bizarre (or nearly as bloody) as Natali's Cube, but I'm betting the films would make for a pretty interesting double feature all the same. And while some of the in-movie puzzles are relatively obvious (hell, they even borrow one from Jim Henson's Labyrinth!), the movie as a whole proves to be sort of a puzzle in its own right. The third act revelations might not be all that shocking, but they work well enough in the low-key context of the piece.
If Seven Days Sunday were an American film, it would probably be some sort of push-button "after school special" affair, one that underlines all its main points and closes with a predictably simplistic message: Violence is bad. But Seven Days Sunday is instead a small German film that aims to dramatize an actual event -- and it's pretty impressive how the filmmakers never once stop to "explain" anything away. Sometimes bad people do bad things, and generally all we can do is analyze the aftermath and hope to prevent future horrors. Period.
Adam and Tommek are a pair of aimless teenagers who spend their days mired in one of Germany's more uncomfortable blue-collar neighborhoods. Although he's supposed to be some sort of altar boy, Adam is much more interested in trying to impress tough-guy Tommek. There's a cute blonde neighborhood girl who certainly seems to hold a torch for Adam, but the two boys are too busy stealing wine and robbing the locals to pay much attention to mundane things like puppy love. (Tommek definitely wants a piece of the blonde for himself, but she seems more than a little turned off by his "extreme" ways -- at the beginning, anyway.)
He's one of pop culture's most beloved outer space adventurers, but we sure haven't seen a lot of good ol' 
Their batting average might not be all that stellar, but I'm still rooting for the 
Here's a tip to all my writer friends: If you cook up a basic yet amusing idea about an article that ties in to an upcoming holiday .... don't wait to write it! The interwebs are full of smart writers who can hatch that very same idea all by themselves, but in this case it was my good pals at 
Those lovable 
OK, first off: Whoever decided to call this movie 
I know I poked some fun at New York City in some of my earlier posts, but I'd by lying if I said I didn't have a good time covering the 
I have a really cheap DVD player that I was able to convert to "region free" by entering one of those 1-2-up-down-3-4 codes, which means this news is only slightly less awesome for me -- but it's freakin' GREAT news for anyone who loves 
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Full 'G.I. Joe' Cast Photos!
