Cinematicalhttp://www.cinematical.comCinematicalhttp://www.cinematical.com/media/feedlogo.gifCinematicalhttp://www.cinematical.comen-usCopyright 2009 Weblogs, Inc. The contents of this feed are available for non-commercial use only.Blogsmith http://www.blogsmith.com/Cinematical Seven: Silliest Disaster Scenarioshttp://www.cinematical.com/2009/11/12/silliest-disaster-scenarios/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/11/12/silliest-disaster-scenarios/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/11/12/silliest-disaster-scenarios/#commentsFiled under: , , , , , , ,



We both know that I could probably fill all seven slots of this list with just scenes from Roland Emmerich's disaster-tastic 2012, but in the interests of letting everyone else get a chance to see it, let's stick with films that have already come and gone. Some of these titles qualify because of the uniquely ridiculous nature of their disasters, while others count for what ridiculous plots unfold amidst otherwise ordinarily perilous acts of nature.

There will be a couple of spoilers to go along with our picks, but since most of these have been out for a couple of years, it's not like it's the end of the world...

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]]>2012christian slaterChristianSlatercinematical sevenCinematicalSevendisaster moviedisaster moviesDisasterMovieDisasterMoviesfirestormhard rainHardRainhilary swankHilarySwankhowie longHowieLongjake gyllenhaalJakeGyllenhaalknowingm night shyamalanmark wahlbergMarkWahlbergMNightShyamalanmorgan freemanMorganFreemannicolas cageNicolasCageroland emmerichRolandEmmerichsnakes on a planeSnakesOnAPlanethe corethe day after tomorrowthe happeningTheCoreTheDayAfterTomorrowTheHappeningwilliam forsytheWilliamForsytheWilliam GossThu, 12 Nov 2009 22:15:00 ESTCinematical Seven: Classic Hollywood Battles of The Sexeshttp://www.cinematical.com/2009/11/10/cinematical-seven-classic-hollywood-battles-of-the-sexes/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/11/10/cinematical-seven-classic-hollywood-battles-of-the-sexes/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/11/10/cinematical-seven-classic-hollywood-battles-of-the-sexes/#commentsFiled under: , , ,



The battle of the sexes is alive and well in Hollywood, and whether it is the subject of a rom-com or an indie flick, audiences love to watch a good ol' fashioned throw down. But what makes a 'battle of the sexes' comedy a tricky proposition is that someone has to lose. So how do you make your audience (who is for the most part, female) accept the idea that a strong and feisty gal has learned the error of her ways and has 'surrendered to love''? Granted, it was a heck of a lot easier when they were making these movies in the '30s and '40s and marriage was the inevitable 'happy ending' for most gals.

Today, The Ugly Truth has been released on DVD and just like a million films to go before it, the story centers on a man and a woman who 'meet cute', fight a lot, and then fall in love -- and just like every other film, the whole thing hinges on the happy couple. When you're covering well trod ground like a battle of the sexes comedy, the charm and likability of your leads are your bread and butter -- and on a personal note, I just don't think Truth pulled it off, and I never got that charge from watching Katherine Heigl and Gerard Butler engage in a little 'verbal foreplay'.

So at risk of sounding like somebody's grandmother, I decided that when it comes to the battle of the sexes comedy, nobody did it better than classic Hollywood, and it didn't matter whether it was during the hay day of screwball comedies or gritty films noir. That's why this Cinematical Seven is dedicated to those classic Hollywood couples that could battle with the best of them, but unlike Heigl and Butler, their chemistry became the stuff of movie legend.

After the jump; seven classic couples that are all-time champs when it comes to the battle of the sexes....

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]]>barbara stanwyckBarbaraStanwyckCary GrantCaryGrantcinematical sevenCinematicalSevenElizabeth TaylorElizabethTaylorKatherine HepburnKatherineHepburnMyrna LoyMyrnaLoyRosalind RussellRosalindRussellscrewballSpencer TracySpencerTracyJessica BarnesTue, 10 Nov 2009 22:03:00 ESTCinematical Seven: "WTF?" Dance Scenes in Non-Musicalshttp://www.cinematical.com/2009/11/05/cinematical-seven-wtf-dance-scenes-in-non-musicals/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/11/05/cinematical-seven-wtf-dance-scenes-in-non-musicals/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/11/05/cinematical-seven-wtf-dance-scenes-in-non-musicals/#commentsFiled under: ,


I think it's safe to tell you, without spoiling the movie, that The Men Who Stare at Goats includes a couple of scenes with Jeff Bridges and George Clooney dancing around. The scenes are amusing and a little strange -- why are soldiers dancing? But they did fit consistently with the film as a whole. However, I was reminded of moments in movies that aren't musicals, but suddenly shift to some crazy kind of dance or musical number. I love these moments, and in fact I wish the dance scenes in The Men Who Stare at Goats were a little less toned-down and a little more "WTF?"

Okay, I'm kind of BS'ing you here. The Men Who Stare at Goats is a flimsy excuse. I really just wanted to write about surreal dance numbers in otherwise straightforward movies, because that can be so much fun. Last year's Adam Sandler vehicle Bedtime Stories was an annoying dud ... except for one glorious, shining moment where Guy Pearce launched into a song-and-dance number. Sometimes these dance moments are the best part of a movie, sometimes they spoil the mood and sometimes they're just one more weird aspect of an altogether bizarre film. Here are seven of my favorites.

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]]>Cinematicalclerks 2clerks IIClerks2ClerksIidancefilmmoviepulp fictionPulpFictionRisky BusinessRiskyBusinessRomy and Micheles High School ReunionRomyAndMichelesHighSchoolReunionsouthland talesSouthlandTalestank girlTankGirlthe big lebowskiTheBigLebowskiTropic ThunderTropicThunderJette KernionThu, 05 Nov 2009 22:32:00 ESTCinematical Seven: '80s Military Recruitment Movieshttp://www.cinematical.com/2009/11/03/cinematical-seven-80s-military-recruitment-movies/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/11/03/cinematical-seven-80s-military-recruitment-movies/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/11/03/cinematical-seven-80s-military-recruitment-movies/#commentsFiled under: , , ,

'Private Benjamin'

We live in a time when war movies based on toys (Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra) are better received by the public than those that have a basis in truth (The Hurt Locker). G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, out on DVD and Blu-ray today, dances around its origins as military action figures by positioning its heroes as an elite unit, more like well-armed spies than anything resembling common soldiers. The aim appears to be similar, though: provide heroic figures that inspire others to follow in their footsteps.

Back in the 80s, movies that could be mistaken for recruitment propaganda became surprisingly common. The film industry, which had firmly resisted anything related directly to the Vietnam War while it was being waged, became schizophrenic in the 80s, releasing anti-war and pro-war flicks side by side into theaters. Here are seven key films, listed chronologically, that helped shape the public's perception of the military during that decade.

Private Benjamin (1980)
Nancy Meyers began here, co-writing and co-producing the tale of Judy Benjamin (Goldie Hawn), a bride who wears black after her husband (Albert Brooks) dies on their wedding night. A spoiled woman-child, Judy enlists in the armed forces; basic training toughens her up as she realizes she can deal with the rigors of military life. As a budding feminist, she still had miles to go to learn that she didn't need a man or the military to be all she could be; as a poster child for plucky women in the armed forces, Private Benjamin was a positive-reinforcement milestone.

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]]>80s movies80sMoviesan officer and a gentlemanAnOfficerAndAGentlemanheartbreak ridgeHeartbreakRidgemilitary recruitment moviesMilitaryRecruitmentMoviesprivate benjaminPrivateBenjaminrambo first blood iiRamboFirstBloodIired dawnRedDawnstripestop gunTopGunPeter MartinTue, 03 Nov 2009 22:02:00 ESTCinematical Sevens: Villains That Should Have Been Used Morehttp://www.cinematical.com/2009/10/29/cinematical-sevens-villains-that-should-have-been-used-more/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/10/29/cinematical-sevens-villains-that-should-have-been-used-more/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/10/29/cinematical-sevens-villains-that-should-have-been-used-more/#commentsFiled under:



Let's face it, your the hero of your movie is only as good as your villain is bad. If you've got an amazing, swashbuckling, ass-kicking hero who faces off against someone wimpy, it just feels like you had an amazing appetizer and a lackluster main course. We want villains that we love to hate, not villains that we hate to love, and once we find them, we don't want to let go of them so easily. Just look at how much Darth Vader has dominated the world of villainy. He was in four of the six Star Wars movies, and is still pretty much the poster-boy for awesome villains.

But what about the villains who could have joined him? There's a whole slew of sub-villains who weren't given enough screen time, or were killed off too easily. Villains who deserve to roam the hallowed halls of the bad guys and girls club. We dedicate this Cinematical Seven to those who could have been great, but are instead relegated to the ranks of the Almost Perfect Villains Club.

Darth Maul

Speaking of Star Wars, Did this guy get a bad rap or what? He a Dark Lord of the Sith for pete's sake, yet he hardly talks, zips around on a scooter, and gets killed at the end of the only movie he appears in. He does kill Obi Wan's mentor, sure, but why not keep him around for later? He looked scary and cool at the same time, and wielded very cool double-ended saber. Plus, Ray Park did a kickass job playing him and making those fight scenes look amazing. Unfortunately, one chop to the midsection and he was never heard from again. Darth Vader went on to become a legend, but Darth Maul only became "that guy with the red face and the horns," and no one is rushing to make a movie about his origins. The Star Wars saga actually has a plethora of great villains we would like to see more of: Jabba the Hutt, Grand Moff Tarkin, Boba Fett, IG-88, and more.

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]]>BambiCinematical SevenCinematicalSevenRaiders of the Lost ArkRaidersOfTheLostArkStar WarsStarWarsThe Bride of FrankensteinThe Fifth ElementThe Wizard of OzTheBrideOfFrankensteinTheFifthElementTheWizardOfOzvillains09Kevin KellyThu, 29 Oct 2009 22:03:00 ESTCinematical Seven: Good Actors in Bad Horrorhttp://www.cinematical.com/2009/10/27/cinematical-seven-good-actors-in-bad-horror/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/10/27/cinematical-seven-good-actors-in-bad-horror/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/10/27/cinematical-seven-good-actors-in-bad-horror/#commentsFiled under: , ,

Jon Voight in 'Anaconda'

I'm sure Peter Sarsgaard didn't intend to make a horror movie that would provoke gales of unintentional laughter. Yet in a key, emotionally-wrought scene near the end of Orphan -- out on DVD today and, perversely enough, worth a rental -- that's exactly what happens; by that point, the film's determination to take itself way too seriously has worn down the viewer, and its lunatic premise collapses upon itself. Sarsgaard bravely goes down with the ship, as does Vera Farmiga, two talented actors that were better than their material.

How do good actors end up in bad movies? The same way some of us end up in jobs we hate: (1) It sounded better than it turned out; (2) Gotta pay the bills. Sometimes they liven up the movie (The Devil's Advocate wouldn't be nearly as much fun without Al Pacino's self-parodying scenery-chewing) and sometimes they look befuddled that they ended up in such a turkey (Robert Downey, Jr. in Gothika, Zooey Deschanel in The Happening). We salute those who gave it their best shot, and ask the rest: what were you thinking?

1. Jon Voight in Anaconda
Intentionally cheesy or merely undone by cheap CGI? This tale of a film crew seeking to document a mysterious tribe of Amazonian natives is a rather tepid and poorly-executed horror adventure until Voight lends it a jolt of electricity as a jungle guide with an accent that's never been heard before. While decent actors like Eric Stoltz and Owen Wilson look like they're ready to cash their paychecks and go home, the Academy Award-winning Voight nearly saves the picture with his larger-than-life theatrics. That's entertainment!

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]]>anacondabad horror moviesBadHorrorMoviesdreamcatcherexorcist ii the hereticExorcistIiTheHereticgodsendgood actors in bad moviesGoodActorsInBadMoviesthe swarmthe thing with two headsthe wicker manTheSwarmTheThingWithTwoHeadsTheWickerManPeter MartinTue, 27 Oct 2009 23:02:00 ESTCinematical Seven: Best Villain-Hero Romanceshttp://www.cinematical.com/2009/10/26/cinematical-seven-best-villain-hero-romances/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/10/26/cinematical-seven-best-villain-hero-romances/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/10/26/cinematical-seven-best-villain-hero-romances/#commentsFiled under: , , , , , , ,


We love it when our heroes fall for the suspicious types: the wolves in sheep's clothing, the dangerous femme fatales. It happens often in film noir and a heckuva lot in comics, and provides some of the best last-act twists and turns as our hearts palpitate along with those of our protagonists... up until the bitter end. Can't that evil love interest turn out to have a heart of gold, so we can all have a happily ever after? Sometimes, yes. Most of the time, no.

What is it about these doomed romances that we love so much? Perhaps it's the futility of it all; you can't have your cake and eat it when you're a superhero or a (wo)man on a mission to right wrongs, even if you'd rather be kissing that beguiling bad guy than fighting them, arresting them, or foiling their evil plans. Turning down a chance at love is the ultimate sacrifice for a hero or heroine to make -- it proves their commitment to the side of good. Hence, loving a villain makes a hero even more heroic. How tragic!

In what will surely spur controversy, I've whittled my favorite villain-hero romances down to the seven best pairings in cinema. No, Phantom of the Opera didn't make it. That would have been too easy. Instead, find odd couples, would-be perfect pairs, star-crossed lovers, and yes, the world's most legendary bromance after the jump.

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]]>Basic InstinctBasicInstinctBatmanBatman ReturnsBatmanReturnsbromanceCatwomanD.E.B.S.heroesindiana jones and the last crusadeKill BillKillBillmaltese falconMalteseFalconPoint BreakPointBreakromanceVillain-Hero RomanceVillain-heroRomancevillainsvillains09Jen YamatoMon, 26 Oct 2009 22:25:00 ESTCinematical Seven: Biopics Worthy of Their Subjecthttp://www.cinematical.com/2009/10/22/cinematical-seven-biopics-worthy-of-their-subject/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/10/22/cinematical-seven-biopics-worthy-of-their-subject/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/10/22/cinematical-seven-biopics-worthy-of-their-subject/#commentsFiled under: , ,



As the film prepares to take flight tomorrow, reviews are starting to pour in for Hilary Swank's Amelia. It's quite the mixed bag, from Roger Ebert's praise to Keith Uhlich's description of the film as a "colorfully hollow biopic about America's beloved aviatrix." Should more chime in with Ebert's positivity, the film could get decent buzz, but as it stands while writing this on Thursday afternoon, out of 13 reviews, it's got a paltry 23% fresh rating.

The negative sentiments aren't really a surprise. The early pictures of the film weren't exactly promising, and the trailer induced skeptical responses. But rather than rant about dreams of Amelia Earhart getting one of those biopics that mesmerizes from the get-go, I'm going to try and stay positive. Not every biopic has to struggle to find footing. In fact, some manage to capture the magic of their subject and make for a damn fine film.

Catch seven of my favorites after the jump, and since such a small number can't begin to cover them all, please weigh in with your own in the comments.

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]]>AgorabiopicsBoys Dont CryBoysDontCryCinematicalHenry and JuneHenryAndJuneImmortal BelovedImmortalBelovedLawrence of ArabiaLawrenceOfArabiaRaging BullRagingBullThe Elephant ManTheElephantManMonika BartyzelThu, 22 Oct 2009 22:32:00 ESTCinematical Seven: Great Horror Themeshttp://www.cinematical.com/2009/10/20/cinematical-seven-great-horror-themes/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/10/20/cinematical-seven-great-horror-themes/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/10/20/cinematical-seven-great-horror-themes/#commentsFiled under: , ,


This month is all about villains on Cinematical, and thankfully, October seems flush with folks who fit the bill: horror movies, often released in anticipation (if not exploitation) of Halloween, usually offer at least one person, creature or entity that qualifies as an adversary to be fled from or feared. But the sad truth is that not a whole lot of them have particularly great theme music, which brings us to this week's Cinematical Seven.

To be fair, these folks don't often have the luxury of choosing said music themselves, so if they get a crappy rock song or some kind of dumbass lullabye, it's not their fault. But after revisiting a number of classic horror series and the movie monsters they immortalized, we've put together what we think is a pretty good collection of themes that folks can and will still find scary. (And while some of this music may or may not be specifically associated with the individual character or creature, the guideline to which we held ourselves was the association of the music with that particular monster.)

Suffice it to say there are a number of other great horror movie themes, and we're just scratching the surface with a list of seven, but check our list of some of the most famous, memorable, and yeah, terrifying, with or without some dude in a mask bearing down on the bathroom door where you've found temporary safe haven.

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]]>bernard herrmannBernardHerrmannfriday the 13thFridayThe13thhalloweenjawsjerry goldsmithJerryGoldsmithjohn carpenterjohn williamsJohnCarpenterJohnWilliamskrzysztof komedaKrzysztofKomedamia farrowMiaFarrowmike oldfieldMikeOldfieldpoltergeistpsychoroman polanskiRomanPolanskirosemarys babyRosemarysBabythe exorcistTheExorcistTodd GilchristTue, 20 Oct 2009 22:02:00 ESTCinematical Seven: The Smartest Unlawful Citizenshttp://www.cinematical.com/2009/10/15/cinematical-seven-the-smartest-unlawful-citizens/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/10/15/cinematical-seven-the-smartest-unlawful-citizens/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/10/15/cinematical-seven-the-smartest-unlawful-citizens/#commentsFiled under: , ,


This Friday is all about wild things at the multiplex. Some are furry and lovable, and explore the emotions of childhood. Others are law abiding citizens, blowing up Philadelphia and showing off their follow-me-lines for no plotworthy reason. I decided to honor the latter with my Cinematical Seven, because Law Abiding Citizen marks Gerard Butler's big producing debut, and any film that requires he abandon trousers is worthy of celebration.

Law Abiding Citizen centers on Clyde Shelton, who loses his family in a grisly slaying and decides to exact his own justice in true Charles Bronson style. But whereas Bronson just needed to speak softly and carry a big gun, Shelton decides to exact his revenge from behind bars. So, in honor of his crazy-eyed and pantless plotting, I've decided to list seven inmates who could have inspired Clyde Shelton's reign of terror. These lawful and unlawful citizens all manage to hatch impressive plans while locked up in the slammer. Some of them are just sick of prison food and trying to get out, while others have more sinister goals in mind. Regardless of their guilt or innocence, we often find ourselves rooting for them to dodge their stripes, and thwart the system.

Head below the jump for the seven!


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]]>cinematical 7cinematical sevenCinematical7CinematicalSevencool hand lukeCoolHandLukeCopycatEscape From AlcatrazEscapeFromAlcatrazGerard ButlerGerardButlerLaw Abiding CitizenLawAbidingCitizenThe Count of Monte Cristothe shawshank redemptionThe Silence of the LambsTheCountOfMonteCristoTheShawshankRedemptionTheSilenceOfTheLambsx2: x-men unitedX2:X-menUnitedElisabeth RappeThu, 15 Oct 2009 22:32:00 ESTCinematical Seven: Bai Ling's Favorite Bai Ling Love Sceneshttp://www.cinematical.com/2009/10/14/cinematical-seven-bai-lings-favorite-bai-ling-love-scenes/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/10/14/cinematical-seven-bai-lings-favorite-bai-ling-love-scenes/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/10/14/cinematical-seven-bai-lings-favorite-bai-ling-love-scenes/#commentsFiled under: , , , , , ,


Chinese-American actress Bai Ling had her breakout role in 1997's Red Corner, a courtroom drama in which she defended Richard Gere from a corrupt government trial - romancing him, naturally, along the way. But since then, Ling has played a streak of bad girls and scantily-clad seductresses that put her equally-sensual public persona front and center, in films ranging from Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow to this year's Crank: High Voltage. Even in her latest film, the independent drama A Beautiful Life, Ling plays a stripper - albeit one with a heart of gold.

Some might argue that her career choices lean toward female objectification, and they wouldn't be wrong. But there's something wholly empowered about the way Bai Ling tackles her film roles. Sure, she's played her fair share of strippers, prostitutes, and femme fatales, but does it matter if she totally owns and embraces those characters more given in to their carnal impulses?

After the jump, Bai Ling names her favorite Bai Ling love scenes of all time.

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]]>Bai LingJen YamatoWed, 14 Oct 2009 22:32:00 ESTCinematical Seven: Directorial Double Whammieshttp://www.cinematical.com/2009/10/13/cinematical-seven-directorial-double-whammies/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/10/13/cinematical-seven-directorial-double-whammies/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/10/13/cinematical-seven-directorial-double-whammies/#commentsFiled under:



Reading about movies, you hear stories of some films shot in five days and other films shot over three years. Some of the poverty-row directors and B-movie makers cranked out as many movies as they could during a calendar year, while filmmakers like Charlie Chaplin and Stanley Kubrick waited years between projects (making each release a new "event"). Most filmmakers, I think, given the chance would probably release one film per year, keeping their toes in without burning out. But sometimes, whether it's a trick of the calendar, or some peculiar rhythms of timing, some of the greatest directors manage to release two films per year. And even less often, both of these films turn out great. The following is my not-exactly-extensive, but enthusiastic celebration of the one-two punch or the director's double-whammy.

1. Jacques Tourneur: I Walked with a Zombie and The Leopard Man (1943)
The world has frankly been a better place to live since Warner Home Video released the five-disc, nine-film DVD "Val Lewton Horror Collection" box set in 2005. I have often promised myself that, if ever en route to a desert island, it would be the first thing I'd grab (provided that said island came with its own entertainment system). Four directors worked on those nine great horror films (counting poor Gunther von Fritsch, a footnote in film history for being too slow, getting fired from The Curse of the Cat People, and thus launching Robert Wise's career). But Jacques Tourneur -- son of silent era filmmaker Maurice Tourneur -- is undoubtedly the most talented of the group. He started the cycle with the extraordinary Cat People in 1942, and followed it with this one-two punch in April and May of the following year. Sure, they're cheap, quickly-made B-movies, but few films have ever been made -- in any genre, for any price -- with so much textured atmosphere and such a resounding sense of dreamy dread.

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]]>clint eastwoodClintEastwoodDavid CronenbergDavidCronenbergdon siegelDonSiegeljacques tourneurJacquesTourneurjohn fordJohnFordorson wellesOrsonWellespreston sturgesPrestonSturgesJeffrey M. AndersonTue, 13 Oct 2009 22:15:00 ESTCinematical Seven: Therapists and Their Nutty Patientshttp://www.cinematical.com/2009/10/08/cinematical-seven-therapists-and-their-nutty-patients/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/10/08/cinematical-seven-therapists-and-their-nutty-patients/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/10/08/cinematical-seven-therapists-and-their-nutty-patients/#commentsFiled under: , ,




An IMDB search for "therapy" as a plot device in movies will turn up hundreds of titles -- the Woody Allen catalog alone would take weeks to wade through. For some reason, psychological counseling is a well that screenwriters never tire of dipping into, with wildly mixed results. This week's addition to the oeuvre is the Jon Favreau penned Couples Retreat, in which he, Vince Vaughn and their wives take part in a week's vacation that involves time on the couch ... because nothing's funnier than watching bitter, middle-aged people kvetch about how much sex they're not having anymore.

The arguable quality of Couple's Retreat aside, therapy is, when done well, a potentially fascinating hook on which to hang a plot. From asylum-based films like One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest and Girl, Interrupted to stories about the unhinged like What About Bob? and Don Juan DeMarco, there's a daunting list of movies that take on the releationship between patient and shrink. The following are merely a drop in that vast bucket.

Agnes of God (1985)
Jane Fonda is the court-appointed psychiatrist sent to a convent to investigate the case of a young novitiate (Meg Tilly, seen above) who appears to have murdered a newborn baby. Based on the successful stage play, Agnes of God is either, depending on who you ask, a provocative look at the battle between faith and reason, or a turgid melodrama that coasts on its sensational premise. Either way, the performances -- which include Anne Bancroft as the Mother Superior, who believes Agnes to be "touched by God" -- are powerful.

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]]>AgnesOfGodDressedToKillmumfordthebroodthepresidentsanalystthesevenpercentsolutionThreeFacesOfEveDawn TaylorThu, 08 Oct 2009 22:02:00 ESTCinematical Seven: Cinema's Most Villainous Familieshttp://www.cinematical.com/2009/10/06/cinematical-seven-cinemas-most-villainous-families/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/10/06/cinematical-seven-cinemas-most-villainous-families/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/10/06/cinematical-seven-cinemas-most-villainous-families/#commentsFiled under: , , ,



Scientists and psychologists have long debated the nature vs. nurture theory. Are we the way we are because of our genes, our IQ, our parents, the toxins in our tap water? Certainly, some diseases like cancer, diabetes, alcoholism, and depression can be passed on genetically, but it's up for grabs how much environment plays into fully developing something that was lurking in one's gene pool.

But really, all that BS doesn't matter in the end when it comes to these families who share an interest in human flesh, chainsaws, torture, rape, and occasionally each other, if you know what I mean. All that matters is getting the hell away from them as fast as you can.

It's really hard to say which of these disgusting groups of related and/or inbred freaks is the worst, so this is in no particular order. Enjoy!

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]]>frontiershouse of 1000 corpsesHouseOf1000Corpsessheitanthe broodThe Hills Have Eyesthe texas chainsaw massacreTheBroodTheHillsHaveEyesTheTexasChainsawMassacrevillains09Jenni MillerTue, 06 Oct 2009 22:03:00 ESTCinematical Seven: Scariest Movie Characters on Wheelshttp://www.cinematical.com/2009/10/02/cinematical-seven-scariest-movie-characters-on-wheels/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/10/02/cinematical-seven-scariest-movie-characters-on-wheels/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/10/02/cinematical-seven-scariest-movie-characters-on-wheels/#commentsFiled under: , , , , , ,


In this week's Whip It, director-star Drew Barrymore shines a loving light on one of the most brutal and devilishly entertaining sports around: roller derby. If you've ever seen a derby match, you know what I'm talking about: 60 minutes of fast-skating, bruising action between players with names like Axles of Evil and Juana Beat'n. In celebration of the badass beauties of the roller derby world and their Whip It counterparts - including Ellen Page as "Babe Ruthless," Kristin Wiig as "Maggie Mayhem," Barrymore as "Smashley Simpson," and Zoe Bell as "Bloody Holly" - here's a Cinematical Seven remembering some of the scariest, fiercest movie characters to ever lace up a pair of roller skates.


1. Rollergirl - Boogie Nights

In Paul Thomas Anderson's Boogie Nights, Rollergirl (Heather Graham) is a fixture in Jack Horner's porn family who's up for anything but never, ever takes off those skates. She's young, blonde, and always ready like Freddie for some fun - but don't cross Rollergirl, or you might get a face full of wheels in return. When one unlucky frat boy insults her - and her fine feature films - he gets a sidewalk beating from Jack (Burt Reynolds) before Rollergirl glides over to give him the business end of her silver '70s four-wheelers.

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]]>Jen YamatoFri, 02 Oct 2009 21:02:00 ESTCinematical Seven: October's Biggest Villainshttp://www.cinematical.com/2009/10/01/cinematical-seven-octobers-biggest-villains/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/10/01/cinematical-seven-octobers-biggest-villains/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/10/01/cinematical-seven-octobers-biggest-villains/#commentsFiled under: , , ,


In the spirit of trickery, malice and general darkness of the spirit, we're kicking off a month-long celebration of villains with a Cinematical Seven on the worst movie scoundrels you'll see in theaters this October. From traditional evildoers to rascals of the douche bag kind, these baddies will be responsible for raining down hell all month long. (Some of them are so evil, they're entire systems of evilness.) By the time Halloween comes 'round, you'll long for the days of a good old Michael Myers-style hack 'n slasher, because this batch of villains is out for more than just blood - they want your innocence, your attention, your bank accounts, your mom, and your fantasy fiction manuscripts.

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Movie: Capitalism: A Love Story (Oct. 2)
Villain: Capitalism/Corporate America

In his latest crusade/documentary, Michael Moore turns his lens on a familiar target: corporate America. Only this time, no tentacle of capitalist greed is left untouched. In his wide-reaching systematic take down, Moore attacks everything from Wall Street to the bail out to banking home foreclosure practices and beyond, concluding that yes, you should be scared. Very, very scared. After all, do you know if YOUR Fortune 500 employer has taken out life insurance policies on your feeble plebeian life?

Weapon of choice: Free enterprise

Read on for the rest of Cinematical Seven: October's Biggest Villains

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]]>villains09Jen YamatoThu, 01 Oct 2009 22:02:00 ESTCinematical Seven: Greatest Monsters in Kid Filmshttp://www.cinematical.com/2009/09/30/greatest-monsters-in-kid-films/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/09/30/greatest-monsters-in-kid-films/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/09/30/greatest-monsters-in-kid-films/#commentsFiled under: , , , , ,


In honor of this week's release of DreamWork's Monsters vs Aliens on both DVD and Blu-ray, we measly humans here at Cinematical have decided to wade through the hordes of monsters and or aliens in kid friendly films to find the cream of the closet-dwelling, slime-dripping, child-eating, smile-inducing crop of inhuman lovables. In doing so it has occurred to me just how hard it is for a film to make an iconic character for children.

Sure, it's easy to make something marketable for kids, but to make monstrous and unique characters for children to cherish into adulthood, not unlike the mutated heroes of MvA, takes a lot of talent.

E.T.
I have no reason to lie to you. I'm a 24-year-old man and E.T. still scares me. He has ever since I was a wee little lad. I can't pinpoint the moment that instilled such a ridiculous fear of everyone's favorite horticulturist from outer space, but I think it's a combination of two scenes. The first being when ET tries to phone home and inadvertently causes hurricane winds, flying saw blades, and me in the fetal position. Then we have the seemingly innocent visitor gray, shriveled and dying in the creek bed, looking like the specter of death to a frightened child like me.

My kindertrauma aside, I can't help but respect the terrifying little dude. He holds a special little place in my heart, even if it's in a deep, dark recess that makes me long for my blanky,

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]]>Cinematical SevenCinematicalSevenDreamWorksE.T.GizmoLilo and stitchLiloAndStitchMonsters Inc.Monsters vs AliensMonstersInc.MonstersVsAliensPurple People EaterPurplePeopleEaterRockbiterThe MummyThe Neverending StoryTheMummyTheNeverendingStoryPeter HallWed, 30 Sep 2009 22:15:00 ESTCinematical Seven: The Best Big-Screen Geek Girlshttp://www.cinematical.com/2009/09/29/the-best-big-screen-geek-girls/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/09/29/the-best-big-screen-geek-girls/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/09/29/the-best-big-screen-geek-girls/#commentsFiled under: , , ,



We often tie our Tuesday Cinematical Seven picks with DVD releases, and this time, I was torn. On the one side, there was the out-to-lunch Hollywood science that allowed there to be identical cousins in The Patty Duke Show. But aside from the wonder of creating a girl with a crappy computer, a barbie, and some David Lee Roth personality, there wasn't much I felt could battle with cousins who look exactly alike. But then there's also the DVD release of the first two seasons of Felicia Day's famous web series, The Guild. Sold -- The Best Big-Screen Geek Girls.

Elisabeth's Geek Beat recently discussed what it means to be geek, and for the purposes of this list: It's on-screen characters who have smarts and delight in things that usual characters don't. They might love learnin', comics, computers, geek flicks, or even following around freaky people and collecting warped memorabilia. They're a little bit different, all sorts of kickass, and all sorts of worthy for the Best Big Screen Geek Girls. Check out the rundown after the jump and weigh in with your own picks!

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]]>Angelina JolieAngelinaJolieCarrie-Anne MossCarrie-anneMossCinematicalCinematical SevenCinematicalSevenEmma WatsonEmmaWatsonFanboysFelicia DayFeliciaDayGhost WorldGhostWorldHackersHarry PotterHarryPotterKristen BellKristenBellLisa SimpsonLisaSimpsonThe GuildThe MatrixThe Simpsons MovieTheGuildTheMatrixTheSimpsonsMovieThora BirchThoraBirchMonika BartyzelTue, 29 Sep 2009 22:02:00 ESTCinematical Seven: Arguments for Bruce Willis as a Great Actorhttp://www.cinematical.com/2009/09/24/cinematical-seven-arguments-for-bruce-willis-as-a-great-actor/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/09/24/cinematical-seven-arguments-for-bruce-willis-as-a-great-actor/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/09/24/cinematical-seven-arguments-for-bruce-willis-as-a-great-actor/#commentsFiled under:



Bruce Willis returns to cinemas this week with Surrogates, his first starring role since Live Free or Die Hard. It has been 21 years since the original Die Hard, and it seems as if studios and executives are still trying to make lightning strike twice with Willis as an action hero. Fortunately, Willis' finer instincts keep coming through with some of his quirkier choices between the big-budget blow-em-up movies. And though a casual fan wouldn't know it, he has demonstrated over the years a marked talent for acting. That's right. Bruce Willis is an actor, and a damn good one. It's a shame he has yet to earn a single Oscar nomination, and he could have -- should have -- earned some for the following great performances.

1. Butch in Pulp Fiction (1994)
He shows up 20 minutes in, in a single shot that lasts a full two minutes. It's just Bruce, framed in the center of the shot. The background is lit low and mostly out of focus. He doesn't speak for two minutes; we're listening to Marsellus Wallace (Ving Rhames) speak, but we're looking at Bruce. We're looking at that mug. It's a tough, hard mug, but he knows that Marsellus has his number, so his guard is not entirely up. That look of hard disappointment anchors it. Most of Willis' acting is like that: an invisible stamp of quality that makes everything else around him look good. Then, check out the rest of the film, the way Tarantino's dialogue seems to perfectly fit his mouth, and the brilliant way he pulls off his many non-speaking scenes.


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]]>bruce willisBruceWilliscinematicaldie hardDieHardfast food nationFastFoodNationfilmmoviepulp fictionPulpFictionsixth senseSixthSensesurrogatestwelve monkeysTwelveMonkeysJeffrey M. AndersonThu, 24 Sep 2009 22:51:00 ESTCinematical Seven: Reasons Why We Love Fantastic Fest (Well, Besides the Movies)http://www.cinematical.com/2009/09/22/cinematical-seven-reasons-why-we-love-fantastic-fest-well-bes/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/09/22/cinematical-seven-reasons-why-we-love-fantastic-fest-well-bes/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/09/22/cinematical-seven-reasons-why-we-love-fantastic-fest-well-bes/#commentsFiled under: , , , , , , , , ,



Although circumstances dictate that I don't attend nearly as many film festivals as my colleagues do, it soon became clear that my last-minute decision to head out for last year's Fantastic Fest was a wise one. FF veterans were quick to note that the event had grown in proportion to its popularity, and the relatively young festival has similarly changed things up in its fifth year out of hopes of accommodating even more attendees than ever before.

However, this is not a think-piece about a mid-level film festival struggling with the limitations of stardom. No, this will merely be a list of seven reasons why we at Cinematical and the Squads are about to very much dwell on Fantastic Fest for the week to come -- well, seven reasons other than the movies.

We'll get around to those in due time.

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]]>alamo drafthouseAlamoDrafthousefantastic festfantastic fest 2009FantasticFestFantasticFest2009highballkarrie leagueKarrieLeagueparamount theatreParamountTheatretim leagueTimLeagueWilliam GossTue, 22 Sep 2009 22:32:00 EST