Welcome back to another edition of Insert Caption -- the game where, in order to play, you need to really hate snakes. Hate 'em! Last week we asked you to write funny captions for a photo from Speed Racer, which hits theaters with a whole lotta color this weekend. Congrats to Anthony M. for painting a very bizarre, yet hilarious picture in our heads. (We still love ya BK!)
1. "Reasons To Burn Rubber (#5): Family-operated Burger King drive through. Fast. Hot. Creepy." -- Anthony M.
3. "Just keep your hands at 10 and 2, buckle your seatbelt, and are you sure you don't want to put some clothes on?" -- Nathan T. See full image and all captions
This week, well, you may know this guy from somewhere. Can't place the face? Here, we'll help -- it starts with an 'Indiana' and ends with a 'Jones'. Put it together and you have one of this summer's most anticipated films -- not to mention we've been looking forward to this sequel for the past 20 years. But before Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull hits theaters on May 22, you're going to want to get reacquainted with an old friend -- and that's where we come in: The winners of our three favorite captions will take home one Indiana Jones The Adventure Collection DVD boxed set, which includes: Raiders of the Lost Ark,The Temple of Doom & The Last Crusade. That's it to the right; ain't it purty? (Click to enlarge.) In honor of our friend Indy, it's now time for you to start whippin' out those captions! Sound off below ...
Remember the days when FBI profilers hunted serial killers the old fashioned way, assisted by their fellow law enforcement officers? But ever since Clarice Starling had to go and enlist the help of Hannibal Lecter, now it is just standard protocol to pair up with a serial killer.
Deal with the Devil is the latest version of that tale -- except this one is a comic book by Mark S. Miller. According to The Hollywood Reporter, it's just been picked up by Lionsgate. The story follows FBI Agent Anthony Goodwin, a legendary manhunter until his final case. The killer he was after, Kevin Runyan, turned the tables and became his hunter. He loses his career and his suspect -- who turns up four years later, asking for his help. Goodwin must decide whether to help the man stop a dangerous copycat killer.
At the Long Beach Grand Prix, the roar of high-powered race car engines fills the air, a deep bass thrum cutting through the smell of exhaust in the early summer heat. Tens of thousands of race fans have gathered to take in the metal-and-rubber reality of racing, but in the Long Beach Convention Center, a small group of journalists have gathered to talk about a big-screen fantasy vision of the spectacle roaring around us, Cinematical was there to speak with the people behind Speed Racer: Emile Hirsch, Christina Ricci and Matthew Fox, as well as producer Joel Silver.
Emile Hirsch, relaxed and fairly amused, is asked about embodying a classic character. "It's pretty cool." He laughs; "I was a very big fan of the show growing up ... I would just watch it every morning with cereal ... sometimes soda in the cereal. ..." I then asked Hirsch if, after reading the script, he was worried about being Mark Hamill to Matthew Fox's Harrison Ford, that Speed would be out-cooled by Racer X. "Well, now I am ..." The rest of the sentence is unprintable, but Hirsch then mocked Fox's masked mystery man and spoke sincerely about Speed's virtues: "Yeah, (Racer X) is so cool ... No, no, no; Speed's got the nobility; Speed does the right thing; Speed is ... Speed's cool."
I'm very pleased that my Cinematical colleague James Rocchi both enjoyed Speed Racer and published his review before mine, and here's why: I couldn't wait for the damn thing to end. This garish, aimless film wore out its welcome (and its crayon box) after about 25 minutes, but the cinematic eyesore just kept lumbering on for two full hours. I know it's tough to keep kids still in a movie theater even when they like the movie they're watching, so I can only imagine what parents will be dealing with as Speed Racer's merciless stretches of blah-blah-blah hit the screen. Aside from three or four mega-flashy racing sequences, Speed Racer feels like the pilot episode of a Fox TV series called The Generic Family from Plastic World.
A young man named "Speed Racer" grows up to become a hot-shot car racer (imagine that), but when he refuses to sign with an evil tycoon, it kick-starts a third-act conflict that can only be solved by ... car racing! There's the whole of your plot in a nutshell, but I've left out the resoundingly clumsy flashback structure, the nominally interesting but ultimately pointless side characters, and several absurdly "emotional" moments that might have made an impact if they didn't occur on sets made entirely of bright pink styrofoam and glitter. There's also an allegedly mysterious character called Racer X, a button-cute and entirely superfluous girlfriend character, and (wedged in clumsily whenever things get dull) a mischievous little kid and his monkey sidekick.
I'm not supposed to be working right now (took the day off to celebrate getting older), but I just had to pop on and show you folks this hysterical video from Funny or Die. It's called I'm a Marvel .. and I'm a DC, and for anyone who thought those Mac/PC spoofs were getting old and tired ... definitely check this one out. In the video above, Iron Man and Batman square off in a fight ... of words ... to determine who's the better superhero. Stick with it, because they really get into it after awhile -- when Iron Man goes off on the Batman viral stuff, I just about lost it; same goes for the "at least kids can go see my movie" rant. Best part of the whole thing: they use action figures ... and the voice work ain't that bad. Who do you think has the better argument?
If you're still trying to decide whether you want to go to see Speed Racer tonight, maybe this will help your decision. Yahoo has posted the first seven minutes of the film, which you can check out above. Man, if car races looked half that cool, I'd be a total fan.
I know, some of you aren't getting the whole appeal of this flick, and frankly, I've never been interested in the story until this movie. There's just something about a real-life cartoon that looks all sorts of cool. (I've always wondered what a cartoon-turned-live action film would look like if it was created in a more cartoonish manner.) And major props for making the theme song front and center. I remember how ticked I was when I left during the credits of Spider-Man and missed the theme song I had waited the whole film for.
Check out James' review of the film here, and stay tuned for Scott's review at 11:30AM.
He's one of pop culture's most beloved outer space adventurers, but we sure haven't seen a lot of good ol' Buck Rogers lately. (Then again, Flash Gordon's most recent incarnation was pretty awful, so maybe that's a good thing.) Born in 1928 from the pen of Mr. Philip Nowlan, Buck Rogers was a pilot / astronaut who fell into a five-century coma, only to awaken to find the world all futurized and stuff: robots, laser guns, spaceships, interstellar wars, all that jazz.
On screens of various size, the character has appeared in a 12-part 1939 serial from Universal Pictures, a short-lived 1950 television series, and (of course) a 1979 movie / TV program that starred Gil Gerard and (sigh) Erin Gray. So the big guy is heading back to the cinemas? Yep. According to IGN Movies, it's Avi Lerner's Millennium Films that will resurrect the Buck Rogers character for a whole new generation of sci-fi nerdlings. (I guess Millennium is using their Rambo money on this project.)
But it gets even geekier! Apparently author / artist / filmmaker Frank Miller will be the one in the director's chair! IGN says that the $40 million Buck Rogers project will be Miller's next gig once he's all finished with The Spirit. The screenplay comes from genre veteran Flint Dille, but there's one thing that gives me a little pause, and it's this quote specifically: "The cheapness of the low-budget effects will be a running joke in the movie, which will retain the campiness of the 1980s TV series Buck Rogers in the 25th Century starring Gil Gerard." Whoa, really? That's the direction you want to go in, fellas? Maybe I'm just an old-school Kaelist, but I think BAD things happen when you try to force "campiness." A sense of humor is fine, but let's not make a cheap joke out of good ol' Buck Rogers.
There's all sorts of madness going on at Marvel right now in the wake of Iron Man's ridiculous opening weekend. Marvel's Kevin Feige was promoted to God and now it's time to start looking toward the future. While we await the release of Marvel's second self-financed flick (The Incredible Hulk) later this summer, The Hollywood Reporter tells us Matthew Vaughn is no longer directing Thor (currently scheduled to arrive in theaters on June 4, 2010, not July 4 as previously reported -- unless HR made a typo). According to HR, Vaughn's holding deal expired. In the meantime, Marvel is waiting for a script polish from writer Mark Protosevich (I Am Legend).
On what we should expect from Thor, Feige says, "It's very much a Marvel superhero story but against the backdrop of nothing you've seen before. " He then described the flick as a "period fantasy in the vein of The Lord of the Rings." Sounds pretty cool to me. Who do you think they should get to direct Thor? Heck, why not throw Peter Jackson on it -- I'm sure fans would freak over that one.
Additionally, and this is just a rumor right now, HR also claims that Hulk might be featured in Iron Man 2 (due out April 30, 2010). They don't go any further than that except to say we should expect cross-referencing in all these films now that Marvel has control over the movies its characters are in. However, one thing's NOT for sure right now -- and that's Robert Downey Jr.'s participation in the Iron Man sequel. He's signed on, but HR says Marvel may have to "sweeten the pot to reward the movie's star." Oh, they'll sweeten ... or else millions of fans will look to bring on a world of hurt.
We brought you a bunch of brand new G.I. Joe character photos yesterday, but Paramount just sent over a whole batch of those same images (plus a few others) in beautiful hi-res. These photos include characters like Duke (Channing Tatum), Hawk (Dennis Quaid), Ripcord (Marlon Wayans), The Baroness (Sienna Miller), Destro (Christopher Eccleston), Heavy Duty (Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje), Breaker (Saïd Taghmaoui), Scarlett (Rachel Nichols), Snake Eyes (Ray Park) and Storm Shadow (Byung-hun Lee). With the exception of Cobra Commander (Joseph Gordon-Levitt), that's our primary cast.
Check out all these images (in hi-res) in the gallery below. G.I. Joe hits theaters on August 7, 2009.
Things seem to be getting a tad confusing over on the Transformers 2front. As of now, Michael Bay and his team plan to begin production in early June ... IF there isn't an actor's strike. (I know, another strike -- we're sick of 'em too.) Regardless of what might happen, they still need to cast this monster -- and that's where all this he said/she said is coming into play. Not long ago, Jonah Hill was rumored to be in negotiations for a part opposite Shia LaBeouf, but that's no longer happening. Now, if Michael Bay is to be believed, Australian actress Teresa Palmer is no longer in the film and was never considered in the first place. This is odd, because we were under the assumption that Moviehole (who first reported the casting) actually spoke to Palmer and SHE confirmed her own involvement.
Over on his personal blog, however, Bay denies everything. In a very brief statement, he says: "No we have stopped negotiating with Jonah, and Teresa Palmer was not considered for a role." Um, okay. If you say so. To further complicate the situation, IGN now reports that another Aussie actress, Isabel Lucas, has been cast in the role of Alice in Transformers 2. This bit of news comes via her management agency, Meissner Management, who list the actress as having that role. She's relatively new to the block, and will have parts in the upcoming vampire flick Daybreakers, as well as the HBO miniseries The Pacific.
No official word on Palmer or Lucas, so we'll have to wait and see if Michael Bay has anything to say about these latest rumors. Cute girl, though, I'll give her that.
You know, I have always had a dislike for the collectible business. Most children of the 70's and 80's probably do, as we were generally left crying because our Transformers or Star Wars collections were incomplete. My own bitterness arises from not being able to get a figure of April O'Neill, the redheaded reporter and best friend of The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. That was the first time I learned that adults collected these things -- and not to play with, but to sell for ridiculously high prices. And I learned it courtesy of my dad, who knew guys hoarding April O'Neill figures, and who wouldn't cough one up to a fellow cop for his young, geeky daughter.
So, this story from the New York Post reporting Heath Ledger's Joker figure selling out everywhere makes me sad and angry. It's not that kids are being denied a Joker figure (I really do not think young children should be anywhere near The Dark Knight, and I'm pretty liberal about kids watching dark movies), but that Ledger's death is being shamelessly exploited on eBay. Because you know as well as I that those figures wouldn't be flying from the shelves if Ledger hadn't passed away earlier this year. I have no doubt it would be popular, but no one would be buying 30 of them. They wouldn't be going for $55.00 a pop. (Actually, it looks like that's some hyperbole, as a brief glance suggests it's more in the range of $30-$40, but it's still the principle of the thing. Sell enough and you've turned a tidy profit.)
Warning: This post contains excessive grasping at straws.
Most knowledgeable folks seem to think that the upcoming Wanted looks like a piece of junk. I can understand their position: the trailer was kind of a sensory assault, and didn't exactly make the film seem original. For my part, I'm not ready to write it off. I like James McAvoy, director Timur Bekmambetov is a fellow Russian, and I tend to enjoy the wildly implausible brand of action that the film seems to be going for. So I'm happy to report a piece of news that kind of surprised me: Wanted has been rated R by the MPAA for "strong bloody violence throughout, pervasive language and some sexuality." That elaboration makes it seem like they won't be trying to trim the bad parts to earn a PG-13.
Now, okay: obviously that doesn't mean much. I mean, the similarly (identically?) themed Hitman was rated R too, and look how that turned out. But for me, the R rating speaks not directly to quality, but to the kind of film Wanted is likely to be. Seeing the trailer (and not knowing the source material), I thought that while it looked kind of cool, it also looked like a broad, inoffensive, second-rate action romp -- my first association, probably due to the presence of Angelina Jolie, was with Lara Croft Tomb Raider. But maybe it won't be. Maybe it'll turn out to be harsh, and sexy, and over-the-top in ways that are actually interesting. Maybe it'll be more like Running Scared or Shoot 'Em Up than like Ghost Rider.You might think that those comparisons don't help and that it still looks like crap, but it seems to me that an R rating for a movie like this increases the odds of it being worthwhile. Or am I off my gourd?
Above: Lost star Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje as Heavy Duty, who serves as the G.I. Joe Team's heavy ordnance specialist with a passion for classical guitars and Bach. He is described as being unafraid of any situation despite heavy enemy fire. (for a larger look, head over to Coming Soon).
Paramount has released a crop of new photos from the upcoming live-action G.I. Joe flick; most of which appear to be different from those that leaked online not long ago. This seems to be a pretty easy film to market -- there's, like, 250 characters to eventually show us, and so they may as well unveil them a little at a time. Still not crazy about this whole special-ops look, but what can you do. Who's not in this film? I'd love to list the entire cast (which also includes folks like Channing Tatum, Sienna Miller and Dennis Quaid), but I think my fingers will go numb. There's a lot of folks in this thing; trust me. After the jump, check out the three other photos, as well as a little bit of info via our good friend Mr. Wiki.
G.I. Joe is due out in theaters on August 7, 2009.
After presenting The Spirit at last month's New York Comic-Con, Lionsgate feels good enough about Frank Miller's solo directorial debut to move it from its January 16th dead zone of a release date to Christmas Day, 2008. So instead of going up against Mall Cop, starring Kevin James as a wacky security guard, and the Notorious B.I.G. biopic, The Spirit will face off against Adam Sandler's Bedtime Stories, the supposedly ultra-heartwarming Marley & Me, The Tale of Despereaux, and the aftershocks of Twilight and The Day the Earth Stood Still.
"Adult" Christmas counterprogramming has not traditionally fared too well. Last year's Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem actually did okay, but remember Black Christmas? No? What about Darkness? The move is indeed a vote of confidence, but it might up throwing the film to the wolves. The key is to position it as a prestige picture rather than a throwaway. There's been enough fanfare around the promotional materials released thus far to make that look like a possibility. If Lionsgate can put it on people's radar in advance as a Christmas Movie to See, rather than have it randomly show up to compete against the holiday heavy-hitters, it could work.
Admit it, we have all thought that the one thingX-Men Origins: Wolverine needed was another character. I mean, there's no possible way Wolverine could carry the entire movie by himself; what we needed were some mutants to share the load. Right?
Well, the most surprising addition yet has been made. According to Superhero Hype, there are reports that Cyclops has joined the roster. No, he won't be played by James Marsden, but an Australian actor named Tim Pocock. The news comes via an Australian agency, who confirmed that said actor was indeed cast as the young Scott Summers.
Now how the heck the two will meet is impossible for me to fathom. I imagine this will just be a cameo, a young Scott brushes past Wolverine at a train station or bus stop. Knowing how these origin stories go, there will probably be some wink-nudge storyline where Wolverine snubs Cyclops somehow, leading to the instant dislike that springs up when the two meet again as adults. Or he will rescue the young Summers, thus making their prickly relationship something to be regretted. (How Summers will not remember is a mystery -- he wasn't brainwashed by Weapon X.)
Sigh. I keep on defending you, Hugh Jackman, assuring everyone you've got a handle on the character, but you're making it so hard for me! Why couldn't you have just mindlessly fought bears in the Canadian snow, wearing nothing but computer circuitry?!
X-Men Origins: Wolverine, and the entire pantheon of Marvel superheroes, hits theatres May 1st, 2009. Filming finished last week, so ostensibly they can't add any more characters ... can they?
1. "Reasons To Burn Rubber (#5): Family-operated Burger King drive through. Fast. Hot. Creepy." -- Anthony M.
This week, well, you may know this guy from somewhere. Can't place the face? Here, we'll help -- it starts with an 'Indiana' and ends with a 'Jones'. Put it together and you have one of this summer's most anticipated films -- not to mention we've been looking forward to this sequel for the past 20 years. But before Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull hits theaters on May 22, you're going to want to get reacquainted with an old friend -- and that's where we come in: The winners of our three favorite captions will take home one Indiana Jones The Adventure Collection DVD boxed set, which includes: Raiders of the Lost Ark, The Temple of Doom & The Last Crusade. That's it to the right; ain't it purty? (Click to enlarge.) In honor of our friend Indy, it's now time for you to start whippin' out those captions! Sound off below ...
This week, well, you may know this guy from somewhere. Can't place the face? Here, we'll help -- it starts with an 'Indiana' and ends with a 'Jones'. Put it together and you have one of this summer's most anticipated films -- not to mention we've been looking forward to this sequel for the past 20 years. But before Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull hits theaters on May 22, you're going to want to get reacquainted with an old friend -- and that's where we come in: The winners of our three favorite captions will take home one Indiana Jones The Adventure Collection DVD boxed set, which includes: Raiders of the Lost Ark, The Temple of Doom & The Last Crusade. That's it to the right; ain't it purty? (Click to enlarge.) In honor of our friend Indy, it's now time for you to start whippin' out those captions! Sound off below ...
Remember the days when FBI profilers hunted serial killers the old fashioned way, assisted by their fellow law enforcement officers? But ever since Clarice Starling had to go and enlist the help of Hannibal Lecter, now it is just standard protocol to pair up with a serial killer.
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There's all sorts of madness going on at Marvel right now in the wake of Iron Man's ridiculous opening weekend. Marvel's Kevin Feige was promoted to God and now it's time to start looking toward the future. While we await the release of Marvel's second self-financed flick (
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Full 'G.I. Joe' Cast Photos!
