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"Damn the Gods"? Nah, more like "Damn the Suits" who opted to give Clash of the Titans a 3-D upgrade in the wake of Avatar's popularity, unaware or unfazed by the fact that A) that film was actually shot for 3-D, not just given layers in post-production, and B) that film didn't succeed massively because of star Sam Worthington (no offense, fella).

So Warner Bros. has bought themselves a week, moving Clash back from March 26th to April 2nd in order to capitalize on Easter weekend and give How to Train Your Dragon a whopping week before squeezing in on its 3-D screens. This move has left other studios to scramble to avoid competition (or fill the gap left behind), and so far as B.O.M. is concerned, here's how things have settled at the moment:

• Fox's family-friendly Diary of a Wimpy Kid has moved to March 19th from 4/2
• Universal's sci-fi actioner, Repo Men, has moved to March 19th from 4/2
• MGM's raunchy romp, Hot Tub Time Machine, has moved to March 26th from 3/19
• Disney's Nicholas Sparks/Miley Cyrus vehicle, The Last Song, opens on March 31 instead of 4/2
• Summit's kiddie comedy, Furry Vengeance, has moved to April 30th from 4/2

In an unrelated move, Screen Gems' Takers (which was supposed to open this month once upon a time) has moved to August 20th, instead of going right up against Universal's Robin Hood in mid-May. They may be thieves, but they ain't about to steal money from Russell Crowe, believe me you.

Disney has never made a film it didn't want to return to at least once or twice, and (usually) spin off into direct-to-DVD sequels. The latest to receive a Mouse House double dip is Enchanted, and Variety reports the film has already attracted Anne Fletcher to the director's chair. Jessie Nelson will pen the script. At this point, none of the original actors are signed to return, though Disney is hoping they'll all sign on for a sequel.

I absolutely loved the original Enchanted. It was delightfully self-aware for a Disney film, and yet it wasn't slick or modern enough to lose any heart. As romantic comedies go, it's a pretty empowering one for females of all ages. Giselle fights a dragon, finds her own willpower, and starts her own business. She could survive just fine without Patrick Dempsey. I love it. It's just one of the sweetest, funniest movies I've seen, especially from Disney.

I see no reason for a sequel. The point of Enchanted (and any fairy tale, modern or medieval) is that it ends happily ever That's it! They've overcome their drawbridges and dragons, and now they get to chill out. This is what Shrek failed to grasp a dozen times over, and what Ever After miraculously dodged. Considering Fletcher's uneven resume (The Proposal, 27 Dresses), one assume they'll undo "happily ever after" and force Giselle to make some traumatic choice between New York and Andalasia. Perhaps Dempsey will get to save her, just to even things up. Whatever they cook up, it's just an unnecessary twist for a feel good movie.

I'm no shrink, but I'm fairly certain that When in Rome suffers from multiple personality disorder. The writers David Diamond and David Weissman, for whom we can thank for Old Dogs, apparently couldn't decide if When in Rome was supposed to be slapstick, romantic, or even slightly dramatic, so we're treated to a whirlwind of scenarios that don't add up in the end.

It seems that our protagonist Beth (Kristen Bell) suffers from the same disorder. Career Woman Beth is addicted to her Blackberry and claims she's waiting for a guy whom she loves more than her super-awesome job at the Guggenheim, but it sounds so forced, it's like not even the character believes it. Career Beth comes with two funky assistants and a slightly sassy gay man who seem to be her only friends. "Eff My Life" Beth runs into poles and is publicly humiliated by an ex at an art event she put together; as all eyes turn to her, the heel of her boot breaks. When she gets home, her little sister comes over to announce she is getting married in Rome in two days to someone she met in first class. Sensitive Beth has been burned by love (specifically her ex, played Lee Pace, looking sadly douche-tastic) and is, of course, the product of a bitter divorce; she uncharacteristically snuggles up with the best man at the wedding, Nick, while they're dancing after the ceremony. Wacky Beth gets drunk at said wedding, jumps in the Fountain of Love in her wedding dress, and steals coins.

Well, so much for that. Right on the heels of the Deadline news that the Weinsteins wanted their Miramax back, The Wrap reports that the studio is closing. The New York and Los Angeles offices are being shut down, eighty people are losing their jobs, and there's no buyout in sight. It seems Disney didn't respond to buyout options, although Bob Iger said he would sell the studio outright for the oh-so-reasonable price of $1.5 billion.

Harvey said of the news: "I'm feeling very nostalgic right now. I know the movies made on my and my brother Bob's watch will live on as well as the fantastic films made under the direction of Daniel Battsek. Miramax has some brilliant people working within the organization and I know they will go on to do great things in the industry."

More than a name is dead. There are six movies waiting for distribution, three of which we've noted before.

Walt Disney was in love with the fairy tales. Well, to be more accurate, his own specialized versions of them. Most of the horror and sadistic twists of the epic yarns were tossed aside. No flesh-eating ogres or other horrors were allowed. The darkness was removed to make way for more romance and whimsy, and it's a habit that survived well beyond Mr. Walt. (I'm looking at you, especially, Pocohontas.)

It is, therefore, not much of a jump to wonder what the cinematic landscape would be like if Walt was inspired by other forms of dramatic literature. Artist Sam Nielson came up with some excellent alternative "Disney Princesses" -- specifically, Hester Prynne (The Scarlet Letter), Ophelia (Hamlet), and Jocasta (Oedipus Rex). Sure, it might seem weird, but take a moment to think about it. Fairy tales were stories overflowing with drama and horror, aspects washed away for the Mouse House, so why not other dramatic pieces? Maybe Ophelia was just floating on down a stream, letting the sun warm her face as she dreamed of Hamlet. Maybe Ms. Prynne joined a sorority. Maybe ... erm, maybe not on the whole mom-loving thing. (Unless one of you has an idea?)

Seeing these images, I can't stop wondering what Disneyfied versions of classic literature would look like, and likewise, what movies would be like today if our firsts bouts of epic animation weren't Snow White or Sleeping Beauty, but rather ...

Any ideas?

[via Super Punch]

Disney has its heading, and they've presumably soothed Johnny Depp after Dick Cook's departure because Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides is set to sail. According to The Hollywood Reporter, the fourth Pirates installment is scheduled to begin shooting this summer in Hawaii, and Rob Marshall will take the wheel as previously rumored. Depp is the only cast member confirmed to be on board, and the film is aiming for a summer 2011 release date.

For awhile it seemed as though Pirates 4 was going to be shoved aside in favor of The Lone Ranger. But that proved to be idle rumor (or hopeful, depending on whether you prefer Tonto to Sparrow), and they decided to go with the tried and unsteady Captain Jack instead. It's believed he'll be chasing the Fountain of Youth this time, as indicated by the sequel grab in At World's End, and they've optioned Tim Powers' novel to give them an idea or two.

Of course, it's only January. A lot can happen between now and summertime, especially to a fourth installment of a franchise, and particularly when the third installment wasn't very enjoyable. Perhaps Disney and Marshall will be unable to decide on a villain, or the budget will skyrocket higher than the studio likes. With all this talk of angst and Twilight, will the teens and tweens still spend their money on a drunk pirate, even if he wears eyeliner? Come March, we could have a Pirates of the Caribbean reboot that'll focus on Jack Sparrow's teen years and his struggle to find his sea legs. All bets are off with these things, especially if there's a spin-off series just ripe for adaptation.

Fans of Edgar Rice Burroughs' John Carter of Mars series know that Disney's adaptation started shooting in London last week. While we know it has a fantastic cast and a Barsoom boot camp, the actual story details (beyond John Carter goes to Mars and falls for a beautiful Princess, that is) have been kept under wraps. The character list leads me to believe they're combining a few books into one movie, but that's pure speculation.

But Disney released an official statement today that announced some intriguing additions to the cast and crew, and lets one tiny story detail slip. Ciaran Hinds (Andrew Stanton must be a big fan of Rome!) has been added in an unknown part, and Disney proto-talent Daryl Sabara has been cast as Edgar Rice Burroughs. John Carter plans to go a little meta, and have Carter narrating his epic adventure to his teenage nephew, who grows up to become the famous pulp author who never gives his uncle any royalties.

It's a little cheesy, but I can see why they're sticking with a narrator. The books are all in first person*, and Carter gets very detail oriented. While plenty of it can be seen instead of described, it might help some of the complicated Martian versus Martian stuff go down easier with audiences. Plus, it gives it that "the true story behind the legend" backdrop that's so popular nowadays (and that's a big part of the book), but without being boringly real world. (I'm looking at you, Troy and King Arthur.)

For those who favor behind-the-camera news, you'll be delighted to know that John Carter has lured in Nathan Crowley, production designer on Batman Begins and The Dark Knight, and Star Trek cinematographer Daniel Mindel. So it'll look pretty and hopefully be the kind of planetary adventure that Avatar was just an appetizer for.

*ETA A John Carter reader with a better memory reminded me the "true story" angle is part of the book. My bad.

ETA: As is Edgar Rice Burroughs. Maybe I should try some of this ginkgo biloba in addition to banging myself on the head with the book.

Remember when John Travolta did duets with women his own age, or older in the case of Olivia Newton-John? These days he's apparently only singing with little girls, like Miley Cyrus and now his 9-year-old daughter, Ella Bleu, who recently co-starred with her parents in Disney's Old Dogs. If you were scared by the actor's appearance in the new trailer for From Paris With Love, just check him doing his best attempt at Bobby Brown in the music video for "Every Little Step," which appears on the Old Dogs soundtrack.

Honestly, it's not that creepy compared to the video for his Bolt song with Cyrus ("I Thought I Lost You"), which should have kept Travolta hidden behind the cartoon dog rather than appearing alongside the teen pop star as if they were lovers. Fortunately in his version of "Every Little Step," Travolta has changed lyrics like "we were made to fall in love" to "you will always be the one" and comes off as more paternal than lecherous. It's no awkward father-daughter collaboration like "Cruisin'" in Duets or "Afternoon Delight" in Arrested Development.

When it comes to the world of digital media, Hollywood is still a little behind the curve -- but to give them their due, at least they seem to be doing something about it. In an article in Variety, a consortium of studios and retailers dubbed "the Digital Entertainment Content Ecosystem" revealed plans to develop a single format to enable digital entertainment to be played on different platforms and devices. According to them, a 'buy once, play anywhere' plan would increase revenue by broadening their market and giving them access to audiences who like to watch their movies/TV on mobile devices or gaming consoles, and now that the sales of digital content are rising, studios are looking for a way to start controlling their own content rather than letting retailers dictate the price and format.

The group has landed big-name participants, including Fox Entertainment Group, NBC Universal, Paramount, Sony, Warner Bros. and Lionsgate among the group's 48 members, along with companies like like Best Buy, Netflix, and Microsoft have also joined. Now you've probably noticed that a certain 'fruit-based' tech giant has not signed on, but considering they're a huge presence in the business (iTunes stores and the proliferation of iPods and iPhones) Apple's participation in the project could be key to the project's success. But they aren't the only hold-outs, as Disney has also not agreed to join the group, but instead is working on a "cloud computing technology dubbed KeyChest to digitally store and distribute its pics to paying subscribers."

Most of the the technical details have yet to be revealed, but one thing is for sure: there must be a better way to watch movies on your computer or mobile device, and even though a universal format might not help...it certainly can't hurt.