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Continue reading From the Editor's Desk: Those New Joker Pics, Fan Letters

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I've been on hold for the Macy's Fraud Department for an hour and a half. Seriously. An hour and a half! How do you make someone wait THAT long on hold? Haven't we fixed these issues yet? What, does Macy's have, like, one person who works for them? Ugh.

Anyway, I suck at introductions, so I'll just come right out with it: Two new writers have joined our staff here at Cinematical recently; both of whom chose to be beat-in instead of sexed-in, thank God. They are Elisabeth Rappe and Eugene Novikov. They are two very cool people with different tastes and different opinions, and so we welcome them to our team and ask you nutty readers to take it easy on them as they slowly transition into our rowdy circle of elitist film snobs.

Also, in case you have not noticed, we've added a little Featured Stories thingy on the right side below that Cinematical Seven banner. See it? There's three of them up now, and those will change every day. They will predominantly feature the day's hottest stories, as well as posts with healthy ongoing debates. There will be lots more changes in the coming weeks, so stay tuned. And, as always, definitely let us know what you'd like to see here on the site in the comments section below.

p.s. I'm still on hold. Make that two hours. ARGH!

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So last night I found out my identity was stolen. And not just by some kid who saw a number -- I'm talking a calculated group of thieves snatched up everything on me and used it to go to town. It's times like these where I wish I could kick ass like Jason Bourne; I wish I could hunt down these awful awful people one by one and force them to watch The Hottie or the Nottie for 17 days straight, non-stop. If you've never had your ID stolen, it sort of feels like being raped by the devil. I feel violated, I feel alone, and I feel like I need a hug. Actually, I feel like a naked Lindsay Lohan -- all doped up, looking for help, but not really sure where to begin or how to pick up the broken pieces.

And you think to yourself -- why would someone do this? Why are there people in the world who feed off screwing up other people's lives. And these people probably have families and friends -- some of whom may or may not know what's going on behind closed doors. Heck, some of them may even read Cinematical when they're not selling your social security number on the internet. And if you are reading this, Mr. or Mrs. Identity Thief, I want you to know that you haven't crushed my dreams of posing naked for Vanity Fair or New York Magazine at some point down the line. That will happen! Just not today. Because I've been on the phone with the bank wishing you a long and painful death.

But hey, we're live-blogging the Oscars this Sunday night! So check out how we're preparing for the big night right ... over ... here.

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Now that the writer's strike is over, the Academy Awards will arrive next Sunday (February 24) with a red carpet, with a host, with our favorite actors and actresses, and, most importantly, with writers (because what would we do without that witty banter in between awards?). So, in an effort to provide you with as many predictions as possible, we here at Cinematical will shovel out a number of different posts. Starting next week we'll have up an Oscars hub, which will include our reviews for all of the Oscar-nominated films, as well as predictions, galleries and a bunch of other fun stuff. Excited yet?

For our predictions, we'll be doing our usual official predictions post (based on a poll conducted within Cinematical headquarters), and we'll also be giving you some more, um, unique predictions, from folks like Jose, the New York City cab driver, and, well, Ernest Borgnine (who visits us annually with thoughts on the year's grandest awards). So before you submit your office poll predictions, you might want to hang around Cinematical this week to see what we (as well as all our friends) have to say.

Note: While we'll take full credit if we're right, don't go blaming us for your losses if we're wrong. But we should be right. Maybe. Who knows. But that's what's fun about it all.

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What do you say about today? We all know what goes on; we've been there, seen it, done it. So, in the spirit of entertaining thousands upon thousands of strangers, here are the five most embarrassing things I've done in the name of love:

5. Fourth Grade: Had a massive crush on the cutest girl at school. Wanted to tell her, but couldn't. So I told my friend, who drafted up a letter (from me) to give to her, only I never asked him what was in the letter. Needless to say, the letter (which, I would soon find out, contained a slew of profanity) made it into the hands of the girl sitting next to my crush in the cafeteria. From there, it went to a teacher -- and I was marched up in front of the entire cafeteria; forced to sit detention for the remainder of the period. Outcome: The girl and I never spoke again.

4. Seventh Grade: Huge poetry nut -- to me, that was the key to landing a girlfriend. So I wrote my first poem, which I'll admit was a little dark and probably too deep for some kid in seventh grade. Passed the poem to another crush, who showed her parents, who called the teacher, who set me up to speak with a grade adviser about suicidal thoughts. I told the GA I was in love ... and could tell she felt very bad for me. Outcome: The girl and I never spoke again.

Oh yes, there's more ... keep reading ...

Continue reading From the Editor's Desk: Love, Love, Love

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For a very short while today, some folks were able to watch a leaked Red Band trailer for Pineapple Express over on YouTube. A little birdie gave us the heads up, and I was right in the middle of bringing you folks the leaked version when I had to stop writing and -- wham -- the video was gone. But I can tell you that what I watched had me in friggin' stitches. Holy crap is this movie going to be funny. I won't say much as to not spoil the trailer (because it will be online soon, promise), but I just about lost my lunch when Seth Rogen stuck his head in a bag of weed and James Franco said, "Smell it ... it's like God's vagina."

Like with most of the films Judd Apatow sticks his name on, the regular "family-friendly" trailer does it no justice. Oh no, you NEED to see this Red Band trailer. It's absolutely fantastical! I think I'll go on record now saying this will be the funniest film of the summer -- an action comedy starring Seth Rogen and James Franco, produced by Judd Apatow and directed by ... David Gordon Green. Crazy. Anyway, just thought I'd release some excitement since I can't bring you the trailer now. Fear not, though, because when this puppy officially hits, we'll be the first to let you know.

UPDATE: A few different websites grabbed the trailer, and have it up now (for how long -- we dunno). Kinda not allowed to go there, but I'd check out all the usual suspects.

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So I'm watching this Super Tuesday coverage last night, and was I the only one who was completely lost? I won't go into who I'm voting for, or who I think you should vote for, but I will talk about the various television coverage. I primarily stayed on NBC, and I'm not sure why because those folks were all over the freaking map. The most confusing part was when they'd throw in these weird polls ... and then go all lightening round with them. There were polls for the very conservative, the somewhat conservative, the conservative's who think they're Democrats but might be Republicans -- WTF, NBC! Slow it the f*ck down for a second! There was this state and that state and the delegates from over there and the delegates from over here -- and then I'd switch to MTV and they'd have this "cool kids hand-held for the teenagers You Tube-style thing" featuring a girl next to a candidate asking some random question like, "Why would you be good for President?" Good job -- next let's ask them what they're doing for summer vacation.

Is it so much to ask for one dude in jeans and a "F*ck All This" t-shirt to come on TV and be like, "Okay, these people are all nuts with their charts and their sets and their 300 different correspondents. Here's what you need to know in seven minutes." Why can't ESPN cover the Presidential election? I want statistics -- like, here's how many times (insert whoever here) lied in 2007 versus how many times they lied in 2005. Give me stats! I want that kid on MTV to turn to a candidate and say, "Can you please explain what the f*ck a caucus is because I have no flippin' idea. And how come some states do it one way and others do it another way -- how come we can't all vote on one day, one way, and be over with it?"

Anyway, when they eventually make a movie about this "historical" election, who do you think should play all the candidates? I'll get us started -- Tommy Lee Jones would kick ass as John McCain!

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I just spent the last half hour with the newly-released SXSW schedule, which we brought to you earlier today. Even though I'm only a week or so away from Sundance, it's now time to get all suited up for SXSW -- a festival I'll be heading to for the first time come March. To say I'm f**king ecstatic to finally visit Austin, the Alamo Drafthouse and nosh on some tasty Texan BBQ would be an understatement. I'm beyond ecstatic. I'm f**king ecstatic times a gabillion. Seriously. And when I finally went through the schedule before, I found myself itching to see literally every single film screening this year. Holy sh*t, did Matt Dentler and his crew nail down a sweeeet lineup, or what? I'm hating Dentler right now -- what the hell am I going to see? There's so many great-looking flicks this year, my head is friggin' spinning.

Regardless of what I actually wind up seeing (Scott, Jette, Peter, Snider and I are already quietly fighting for titles behind the scenes), know that Cinematical will definitely be bringing you reviews, interviews and scene coverage for some pretty big films. We shall get the early word on flicks like Harold and Kumar Go to Guantanamo Bay, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, 21, Stop-Loss, Battle in Seattle, The Promotion, Shine a Light ... and so many more. I'm there for six days, and I can tell you now that I will see more films in six days then I will probably see in the next six months. We'll also be bringing you lots of on-the-scene coverage, for those of you who can't make it to Austin this year. So if there's anything in particular you want to see from our SXSW coverage, do let us know.

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You've already read the 378,000 posts we filed before, during and after this year's Sundance Film Festival, but now I'm back to let you know what we left on the cutting room floor! What was going on when the Cinematical team wasn't watching movies or writing about them? Where were we, who were we with and why did someone bring a farm animal with them? Fear not, I'm kidding -- no farm animals were brought to Sundance (and if they were, whoever brought them kept the things hidden pretty well). So here's some of what was left out of our coverage:

-- While watching a Slamdance screener at one in the morning, Erik got pissed off, woke up James and asked him why films set in New York City never feature characters who have New York accents, with the exception of racist cops, gangsters or angry taxi drivers. James agreed. Erik then went off on Boston, and how every film set in Boston needs to feature the Bahston accent -- but, for some reason, the New York accent always gets dissed. James and Erik agreed to write Spider-Man Begins, featuring Peter Parker with a thick New York accent (he grew up in Queens, after all).

-- At four in the morning at some point over the weekend, James woke up Erik to tell him he was snoring. Erik spazzed out because he thought he was being mugged by a giant. From then on out -- and because of his freakishly large shadow -- James referred to himself as the Cloverfield monster whenever he had a few drinks in him. In fact, while outside on a balcony with Michael Pitt, James actually referred to himself as the Cloverfield monster. Everyone laughed.

Continue reading From the Editor's Desk: Sundance Unrated Director's Cut Special Awesome Edition

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It's finally here! The 2008 Sundance Film Festival! While I'm still typing this from my apartment in Queens, NY, tomorrow morning I will be boarding a flight and heading off to Park City, Utah where a whopping 45,000 people are expected to live, eat, sh*t, and watch movies for the next week and a half. On the ground for Cinematical will be myself (Erik Davis), Kim Voynar, James Rocchi, Scott Weinberg and Eric D. Snider. Starting in just a little while, we'll kick off this year's Sundance coverage with our first review ... and then away we go.

Things are a bit different round these parts versus previous years. We've gone and set up a very special Sundance hub that you can access via this link. Bookmark that page, folks, because a great majority of our coverage will live there. Apart from reviews and interviews, we'll also be snapping photos like mad -- all of which will be featured in several different galleries over on our Sundance hub. Oh, but that's not all. In addition to the reviews, interviews and photo galleries, each of us will be practically live-blogging what we see, who we see and where we are, etc ... throughout each day. These posts will come with the title Live from Sundance. We want you to know everything that's going on at all hours of the day, so keep it tuned in to Cinematical round the clock for the latest and greatest Sundance updates. We'll be covering this year's festival unlike any other fest we've covered before, so you'll definitely want to be a part of that ... magic. There, I said it. Magic. And if there's anything you'd like to see or know about that we haven't covered, do drop us a line and let us know. We're there for you ... and to take in the occasional cocktail alongside Paris Hilton. I kid. See you in Park City!

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Tonight is a really big night for Paramount and Cloverfield? Why? Well, in just a few hours Cloverfield will be screening for critics across the country. Additionally, a number of private sneak previews are being held in various cities. If I can get out of my apartment in time, I'll be attending one of those sneak preview screenings, because I'd rather watch a film like this amongst fans over watching it with the press. There's just a different vibe when you're with the fans, and I want to swallow that in. If critics and fans alike walk away from tonight's screenings all jazzed up (as Harry Knowles was recently), then you can bet your ass the buzz could potentially carry this film a very long way. When it's all said and done, will Cloverfield become the highest grossing January release in history?

Sounds crazy, I know, but it doesn't have go too far to take that coveted spot (if we're talking films that were specifically released in January). You've got A Beautiful Mind which racked up roughly $170 million, but that was technically released in December, as were a bunch of other high grossing films like Traffic and Black Hawk Down. The online buzz did practically nothing for last year's Snakes on a Plane, but that movie sucked. If Cloverfield is half as good as some people are making it out to be, the buzz from this week could provide that much-needed jolt the film will need in order to cross over into $100 million territory. It's cold. There's nothing else out right now that could damage this film box office-wise, so if it rocks, the people will come. If I make it to the screening tonight, I'll definitely let you know my initial reactions before we present you with our official review later this week. Big night tonight. And by tomorrow morning, after all the internet writers run home and write something up, we'll finally know whether Cloverfield was well worth the wait.

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So in case you still don't know how this whole Golden Globe thing is going to play out on Sunday, here's what you're getting: From 7pm to 9pm, Matt Lauer will host a two hour Dateline called Going for Gold, which will lead up to an hour-long press conference at 9pm EST. During that hour-long press conference, someone will be giving out the Golden Globe awards in the 25 previously-announced categories. None of the actors or actresses will be there to accept these awards, nor are they expected to show up on this Dateline special (although that might change). So who will Matt Lauer talk to for two hours? Hand-puppets, maybe? That would be cool.

The Hollywood Foreign Press? Here's all they got (from a press release earlier this week): "We take some comfort, however, in knowing that this year's Golden Globe Award recipients will be announced on the date originally scheduled." There you go! You got to keep your day. I don't know about you, but that's so damn ... comforting. No one is showing up. NBC isn't televising it. All parties are canceled. People are losing millions of dollars. But you got to keep your day. Way to go HFPA!

But I haven't even told you the best part yet. Following this press conference, you're probably expecting some sort of entertainment show like Access Hollywood to come on and talk about the winners. Nope. Get this: American Gladiators. Oh yes, NBC will follow their Globes press conference with an episode of American F**king Gladiators. Here's an idea: How about you let the Gladiators announce the awards. Oh what I would give to hear the following announcement: "And now, here with the best actress, drama award is ... Mayhem... who you can see pile-driving a guy trying to drop little balls in a bucket in just a few minutes on a brand new episode of American Gladiators." Take that Keira Knightley ... and your little Atonement thingy. If there was a God, he would make it so. Mayhem for the gold!

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My brain is officially fried. Between The Golden Globes, prepping our insane Sundance coverage and trying to buy a house (which has nothing to do with Cinematical, but everything to do with why my writing has been on autopilot the last two weeks), every conceivable part of me is just spent. And then someone sends me a link: "Who wants to attend Rob's going away party on January 17th in New York City!!!!" Oh yeah. Cloverfield comes out next week. Thank F**king God. Because if Cloverfield didn't come out next week, I think I'd bite the bullet and destroy NYC myself just to get this whole thing over with. In fact, I'm thinking about making January 18th a holiday in my house; a holiday in which, every year, I wake up and do nothing all day in celebration of the fact that I don't have to write about Cloverfield.

And then, just now, as I'm writing this, someone sends me another email: "We received from a 100% reliable source (an insider to The Dark Knight production) the plot of the movie." Really? Good for f**king you. Let me guess: Batman discovers the Joker, Batman tries to stop the Joker, Batman fights the Joker -- the end. How close am I? All day people are IM'ing me -- "What are you guys doing about the Golden Globes?" And then there's an email: "Check out this G.I. Joe scoop!" And then I'm pulled into a three hour Sundance meeting. And then another person asks if I'm attending Rob's surprise party. F*ck Rob! Is Rob paying my rent? No? Then tell him I said good luck in Japan, although we already know you're not making it to Japan because a giant monster is about to invade New York City. Argh! Cloverfield! Can you tell I'm a bit amped up today?

But seriously, Sundance begins next week. F**king Sundance, as I like to call it. This will be my first time heading out to the film festival, and I'm really looking forward to it. My best friend says it's like summer camp for film buffs ... only it's winter and everyone carries a laptop. I'll be on the ground representing those of you who have never been to Sundance, but always wanted to see what the hell goes on there. As always, we'll file more reviews and interviews than you know what to do with, but we shall go to great lengths to make you feel as if you're with us each and every step of the way. And by the time I get back, Cloverfield will be out in theaters ... and Rob could be sucking down a Slusho on some remote desert island for all I care.

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So I've been watching this whole Britney Spears drama unfold today, and it got me thinking about the kind of biopics we'll be seeing in 10-15 years; the sort of stuff that will be based on the fascinating lives people are living right now. I hate to be the one who says this -- and as much as she's a total trainwreck, I still hope she pulls through -- but are we really that far away from waking up in the morning to TMZ breaking the news of Britney Spears' unfortunate death? Yeah, you've got Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton -- two giant headaches; there's no denying that. But Spears is in a league of her own. She's right there. She's on the verge of leaving this planet ... and it's almost like the media want her to die in some absurd way because they'll have their story of the year.

And then after she dies, MSNBC will run non-stop coverage (though it's an election year, so Entertainment Tonight and Access Hollywood will win out in the end), interviewing the editor of In Touch Magazine 30 times throughout the day, asking them this same question: How come no one was there to help this girl out? And while the editor from In Touch Magazine talks, they'll show the same music video montage -- Britney in a school girl uniform, Britney in leather, Britney at the VMA awards. Larry King will bring on her mother. Then her father. And if he's lucky, he'll get a pregnant Jamie Lynn. The trifecta! You go Larry! The film sites (including Cinematical) will try to find a way to spin the story in a way that announces which jackass first nabs her life rights for a biopic, and that will be it. The end of Britney.

Until the day comes for a biopic. And we run through the names of a few up-and-comers trying to decide who should play Britney. I'll probably write the post, and say something like -- "I vote for Lohan, since she already knows how to sing and could probably pull off a believable Britney." And how ironic would it be if that performance is what nabs Lohan an Oscar nod? Nah ... too soon. Too soon. Maybe Jamie Lynn would play Britney, in a fitting tribute to the girl who taught her how to have stupid sex at 16. But you know what? It doesn't have to go there. Now is the time for her f**king family to drop whatever sh*t is stored in that warehouse they call an attic and get this girl some help. Because when and if it ever happens, I want Britney to star in her own biopic. And I want it to end with her smiling at the camera, with her middle finger in the air, as she goes ... "See, I survived. And f*ck you Perez Hilton!" (Only the MPAA will ask her to remove the word 'f*ck' in order to get the film down to a PG-13 rating. And we'll probably write a post about it.)

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Happy New Year everyone! Here's hoping you've survived whatever madness the holidays brought forth, and have welcomed 2008 into your home and your heart. I was telling a friend on New Years Eve that it already felt like 2008; how all I've been doing for the past several months is writing about films coming out in 2008, and so in a weird way I've been living in 2008 since -- I dunno -- last May. Anyway, obviously, the big news today came in the form of this Vanity Fair article on Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skulls. While I hate to kick off the new year on a negative note, I couldn't help but read some of George Lucas' comments and kind of get pissed off at the dude.

Ya know, God bless the guy for giving us Star Wars and the first three Indiana Jones films, but sometimes he just blurts out stupid stuff and comes off as such a d*ck. Take these quotes for example from the Vanity Fair article: "I know the critics are going to hate it [meaning the new Indy film]. They already hate it. So there's nothing we can do about that. They hate the idea that we're making another one. They've already made up their minds." Then, after pretending to know how all the critics feel about the film, he moves on to the fans: "The fans are all upset. They're always going to be upset. 'Why did he do it like this? And why didn't he do it like this?' They write their own movie, and then, if you don't do their movie, they get upset about it. So you just have to stand by for the bricks and the custard pies, because they're going to come flying your way."

First off, which critics already hate this movie? We've always supported it (though we've taken cracks at Harrison Ford and his age), and from what I can tell, all the other major movie sites support the film as well and cannot wait for it. The fans I'll cut him some slack for, seeing as we have received a bunch of comments from folks who don't think this film should've been made. But that being said, why does the guy have to be so negative? Why can't he have faith in his film -- why can't he be a little more convincing and -- I dunno -- give us a reason to support a fourth Indiana Jones film? Is it just me, or is Lucas unleashing his negative vibe a tad too early?

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... If people stopped bitching about The Golden Compass and, instead, waited to go see the actual movie? Sure, according to a recent Hollywood Reporter article, they've "removed all references to the church, the Bible and sin ..." -- but does it really matter? It's a kids film. And I don't blame New Line or director Chris Weitz for wanting to tone down the "heavy" material so that the more fantastical elements of the books could remain front and center. Film is a visual medium after all. The Christian groups are pissed the flick will make kids want to go buy the books and -- God forbid -- learn more about the world. Like the film is some sort of ridiculous gateway drug that could potentially corrupt the minds of millions of children everywhere. The Golden Compass -- it's the new heroin! Here's how I imagine a conversation between child and parent will go immediately after watching The Golden Compass:

Parent: [sweating, shaking] So ... did you, gulp, like the film?

Kid: I liked the talking bear. He was cool. Can we get ice cream?

Parent: So, um [wipes sweat] -- you don't want to become an Atheist now?

Kid: No. I simply want a parent that isn't a complete f**king moron. I want a parent that lets me make my own decisions in life. I want a parent that exposes me to all religions, to all beliefs, and allows me to learn about the world I live in. As a person who represents the future of this country, and this world, I believe I deserve that. So, can we get ice cream now?

Fans of the books are pissed because all the "meat" has been left on the cutting room floor. Oh well. Welcome to Hollywood ... book readers. The Golden Compass will sneak preview this Saturday night in 800 theaters across America. If, come Monday morning, 800 theaters worth of people suddenly decide to swear off the whole God thing, we'll know we have a problem. In the meantime, where are the guys from South Park when you need a good rant on religion. Oh wait, there they are ...

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Today a lot of you will head off to do whatever, wherever with whomever, and if you're like me you're stoked for two reasons: a) no work and b) eating until way after the belt comes off. More power to you and yours -- and we here at Cinematical sincerely wish you a happy, healthy Thanksgiving and hope you spend the day with someone(s) or something you truly care about ... (waits for the two girls in the back corner to go "awww"). I'll be writing a list of things I'm not thankful for this year a bit later on, but I figured I'd compliment that with a list of things I am thankful for this year -- all of which are movie-related, of course. So, in no particular order:

I'm thankful for getting to experience my first film festival overseas in Berlin earlier this year, and for all those people who made fun of me in German but turned the other way so I wouldn't take notice.

I'm thankful that three of my favorite filmmakers (Wes Anderson, P.T. Anderson and the Coen brothers) put out three fantastic flicks this year (The Darjeeling Limited, There Will Be Blood, No Country for Old Men) for me to experience, debate and enjoy. I'm also thankful the Starz network decided to air Rushmore last week, allowing me to DVR it and watch it again for the first time in several years. God I love that movie.

I'm thankful for 2 Days in Paris, The Grand, Knocked Up and Superbad. They made me laugh harder than I've laughed in a long time. I will never look at a penis illustration the same way again.

I'm thankful for being given the opportunity to get up every morning and do what I love doing, alongside people I admire and respect. I'm also thankful for those comments that trash me to a point where I'm on the verge of slitting my wrists with a spork. You keep me in check, and for that I am grateful.

I'm thankful Tom Cruise didn't kill anyone.

I'm thankful the writers finally got another 15 minutes, although they deserve a lot more.

And finally, I'm thankful for HD (but not for the two different formats -- we'll get to that in another post). Back in May, my wife gave me a 46-inch Sony Bravia for my 30th birthday and I love the thing like it's my child. So pretty. So sweet. Want to pet it. Love youuuuuu.

So, what movie-related things are you thankful for this year?

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Not sure if you've noticed, but the comments section on the site has changed. Aside from being able to add a little avatar and profile under your name, you can also sort comments by page as well as go directly to the last page of comments (check out a sample of it over here). Pretty cool stuff, and it's just a taste of what's to come for Cinematical. Oh yes, things will change -- you'll see ...

I'm currently running a screening committee for a pretty big film festival here in New York City. Basically, this consists of meeting once a week, watching submissions, debating whether or not we should advance submissions and, well, you get the idea. I won't say which festival it is (because I don't want tons of email from folks who submitted asking for status), but from time to time I will mention the names of films I've watched. Keep in mind, I could've loved a particular film, but that does not, in any way, mean it will play the festival. Not my decision. Just my opinion. Anyway, this weekend I watched a feature doc called Rock, Paper, Scissors. It's from a Calgary filmmaker (here's the film's official website), and it's one of those movies you can't help but root for.

If this doesn't play SXSW, I'd be extremely surprised -- it's right up their alley. And the after parties alone would be an absolute blast. The film follows two guys, the Walker brothers, who one day decided to make Rock, Paper, Scissors a competitive sport. Throw in a bunch of quirky characters dressed in wacky costumes and a twist ending that hurts oh so good, and you have one of the more enjoyable films I've watched so far. Will it make the fest? No idea. But keep your eye out for it, and watch the flick if you get a chance.

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