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G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Here's my problem with the picture: a furiously-filmed chase through the streets of Paris should be spectacular and thrilling. Instead, it's incoherent, routine, even disappointing. Director Stephen Sommers (The Mummy, Van Helsing) turns in another by-the-numbers action spectacle, this time starring Dennis Quaid, Channing Tatum, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, Marlon Wayans, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. There are better ways to waste your time and money. Skip it. Also on Blu-ray.

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The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3
Tony Scott's remake is a higher-grade disappointment, coming achingly close to delivering an unqualified success. Derailed by John Travolta's unrepentant scenery-chewing, which goes far beyond the bounds of bad taste, and an unhealthy preoccupation with explaining everything, the film motors along reasonably well, fashioning a paranoid tale of post-9/11 terror and ticking time bomb suspense. Denzel Washington is eminently watchable, and James Gandolfini has a good turn as the Mayor of NYC. Recommended with reservations. Rent it. Also on Blu-ray.

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I Love You, Beth Cooper
As I wrote in my review, Larry Doyle's very funny book has been transformed into a dreadfully boring movie. Hayden Panettiere and Paul Rust are miscast as a rule-breaking dream girl and the boy who loves her from afar, respectively. The spend a night together that seems endless. Chris Columbus directed, without distinction. Skip it. Also on Blu-ray.

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Also out: Aliens in the Attic.

Indies on DVD, more Blu-ray picks, and Collector's Corner -- after the jump!

Orphan
An "outwardly angelic little girl" gets adopted by a new family consisting of Peter Sarsgaard and Vera Farmiga, and then begins to unleash her hidden evilness. In his review, Peter Martin wrote that Orphan "is so bats*** crazy that it wears you down just enough to accept the lunacy and enjoy the movie for what it is: every parent's worst nightmare, writ large in childish crayon." Skip it. Also on Blu-ray.

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Whatever Works
Woody Allen's follow-up to Vicky Cristina Barcelona and return to the Big Apple takes his old man self out of the equation to give a new dude (played by Larry David) some May-December romance with Evan Rachel Wood. Nick Schager wasn't sold, and in his review, he wrote: "rather than an inspired meeting of kindred minds, their collaboration does little except reinforce the notion that Allen's creative well has long since run dry, his films now split into either inert, heavy-handed, detached spectacles of pretty people doing naughty things in foreign locales (Match Point, Vicky Cristina Barcelona), or leaden comedic larks in which notable names embody Allen's archetypal kvetching role." Rent it. Also on Blu-ray.

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Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs
The next installment in the family film series. In his review, William Goss wrote: "All in all, Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs is an improvement over its massively forgettable predecessor: generally inoffensive (save perhaps for history buffs), a bit more charming than most of the non-Pixar competition, and frivolous in the best possible sense." Buy it for the family film collection. Also on Blu-ray.

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Also out: Battlestar Galactica: The Plan, Tinker Bell and the Lost Treasure, Nothing Like the Holidays, Night of the Creeps, Criminal Ways, Stan Helsing

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Shia LaBeouf and Megan Fox run for their lives as Michael Bay's giant robots trample onto the home video scene on DVD (single-disc or two-disc special edition) and Blu-ray (two-disc special edition). The special editions includes audio commentary by Bay and writers Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman, deleted / alternate scenes, a music video, and additional features, such as "A Day With Bay: Tokyo," "Giant Effing Movie," and "The Matrix of Marketing." To approximate the theatrical experience, play really, really loud, and sit as far back from the screen as you possibly can. Resistance is futile. Rent it.

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Blood: The Last Vampire
Chris Nahon's live-action adaptation of an anime series features a half-human, half-vampire samurai battling an infestation of demons. "the result is so laughably awful that it easily qualifies for so-bad-it's-good status," wrote Jeffrey M. Anderson. "As you may expect, the English-language dialogue is ultra-serious and absurd, the action is inept and shaky, and the visual effects look like they might have been generated on an old Atari video game." Also on Blu-ray. Skip it.

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Chéri
Michelle Pfeiffer's reunites with her Dangerous Liaisons director (Stephen Frears) and scripter (Christopher Hampton) for a movie based on a novel by French writer Colette about a passionate affair. "For some reason," Jeffrey M. Anderson wrote, "Chéri is dead on arrival, a cold fish. It just lies there, too lethargic to be funny and too timid to be sexy, but not deep enough for any real drama." Skip it.

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After the jump: Indies on DVD, Blu-ray Picks, and Collector's Corner!

Drag Me to Hell
Girl says no to woman at the bank, and soon falls under the wrath of the woman's witchy gypsy ways. It sounds like you're regular ol' horror movie, but it's also Sam Raimi's return to the genre. I wasn't the biggest fan of the film, but considering the fact that most of the people I know loved it, I'll defer to them. In his review, Peter Martin said: "Raimi has made a joyful romp through his personal horror playground and come up with a very entertaining horror-comedy that gets back to the basics." Buy it. Also on Blu-ray.

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The Proposal
Sandra Bullock is an easy-to-hate boss ... until she's about to be deported back to Canada. Desperate to keep her job and stay in the U.S., she whips up a marriage of convenience with her assistant Ryan Reynolds. In her review, Jette Kernion said the film "offers little that is fresh or new for romantic comedy fans ... but perhaps watching Sandra Bullock in her element will be enough for many of her fans. Me, I'm still waiting for her to find a film that better matches her talents." Still, Rent it to hang with Betty White. Also on Blu-ray.

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Land of the Lost
In Hollywood's ever-moving push to remake old Hollywood, we got the picture you'd never imagine, taking the most cult classic of super-low-budget television and turning it into a big-money experience. I wish they stuck to the old formula. But Todd Gilchrist says "Land of the Lost offers a sobering alternative to the pre-packaged and otherwise conventional blockbuster fare offered by studios this summer, even if its charms would ultimately benefit from (if not require) chemical enhancement of some kind to be properly enjoyed." Rent it. Also on Blu-ray.

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Also out: Natural Born Killers Director's Cut, The Stepfather, Hardware, The Most Wonderful Time of the Year, Happy Birthday to Me, Moonlight & Mistletoe, An Old Fashioned Thanksgiving, Wuthering Heights, A Christmas Carol, Infestation, The Christmas Choir, American Violet, The Killing Room, The Objective, iMurders, Shark City, West 32nd

Year One (Unrated)
The marketing made it look like it was all about Jack Black and Michael Cera as primitive cavemen, when in reality it's very much a Biblical comedy. In either guise, it fails to fire on all cylinders, never igniting into a full-blown laugh romp. Still, Black and Cera display enough rambunctious charm to keep the proceedings moving along nicely. And maybe the unrated edition will restore some much-needed adult-oriented humor. Also on Blu-ray. Rent it.

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Imagine That
As I wrote in my review, Eddie Murphy gives a very warm, very funny performance as a stressed-out financial executive trying to be a better parent to his seven-year-old daughter, but the film springs to life only at rare moments, which are surrounded by so much fatty tissue that you fear the movie will die of a heart attack before it huffs and puffs its way to the end credits. Also on Blu-ray. Skip it.

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My Life in Ruins
No, no, Nia! The unexpected star of My Big Fat Greek Wedding has been struggling in vain to recreate that magical lightning strike, but not even a trip to Greece could interest audiences -- or critics. "It often feels flat and forced," wrote Jette Kernion, "and even the landscapes seemed blah." Also on Blu-ray. Skip it.

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Also out: Trick 'r Treat, The Children, Ken Burns: National Parks - America's Best Idea.

Away We Go
John Krasinski and Maya Rudolph star as a couple about to have a child and who journey across the country to find the perfect spot to settle down. In his review, William Goss said: "It's easily the most tender film that Sam Mendes has done to date, and it's easily among the very best films that the year has offered so far." Buy it. Also on Blu-ray.

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Monsters vs. Aliens
Monsters, aliens, superheroes -- it's the sort of fare that's perfect for animation. For the most part, critics and fans seem to agree, although our Scott Weinberg says the film "is NOT one of those transcendent animated features, the sort that bridges the gap between kid stuff and grown-up art with no discernible effort whatsoever. No, Monsters vs. Aliens is a loud, rushed, choppy, silly, colorful Nintendo game of a movie." See for yourself and Rent it. Also on Blu-ray.

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Management
The latest Jennifer Aniston romcom to hit the shelves, this flick watches her get followed around the country by a motel manager (Steve Zahn) eager for her affections. In his review, Nick Schager said that the film's conventions are "delivered with a straightforward sappiness that seems all the more disingenuous in light of the film's variety of off-kilter trappings." Skip it. Also on Blu-ray.

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The Girlfriend Experience
One of Steven Soderbergh's less mainstream films, porn star Sasha Grey stars as a high-priced escort trying to balance her work and personal life. In his Sundance review, James Rocchi wrote: "Sex is everywhere in The Girlfriend Experience, except there's no sex," and instigates a crowd that walks "into the cold night more thoughtful than titillated." Rent it. Also on Blu-ray.

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Also out: Muppets Christmas: Letters to Santa, Mickey's Christmas Carol, Superman/Batman: Public Enemies, Lies and Illusions, Stepfather II, The Hills Run Red, The Hanging Woman, The Shortcut, Fermat's Room, Secrecy, Farmhouse, The Storm Riders, Bloodwine, Dinner with a Vampire, Nightmare, Flesh, TX.

On the comprehensive movie list site, They Shoot Pictures, Don't They?, John Ford currently ranks #4 on the list of the all-time 100 greatest film directors (with Orson Welles, Alfred Hitchcock and Federico Fellini ahead of him), though he has placed more films than anyone else, 18, on the list of the all-time top 1000. I think the reason he doesn't rank higher is that he was one of the few great film directors to be fully appreciated in his own time. He won the Best Director Oscar four times -- still a record -- and took home an additional two Oscars for his wartime documentaries.

Welles was once asked whose films he studied when he made Citizen Kane in 1941, and he replied: "the old masters, by which I mean John Ford, John Ford and John Ford." Of course, even by the time he was an "old master," Ford would continue to make films like They Were Expendable, My Darling Clementine, The Quiet Man, The Searchers and The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance. It's no fun, when making lists, to mention people who are already so well covered.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine
After X-Men and X2, we expected a lot from our adamantium man. But rather than slipping in as another irresistible cinematic piece of high-action fun, we got a flick that didn't even begin to live up to our love of the claws. Jeffrey M. Anderson said a number of negative things about the film, including: "The movie's whitewashing of all the gray areas between good and evil is just one side effect of its dubious approach." Skip it. Also on Blu-ray.

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Easy Virtue
At it's most basic, this is that period piece with Jessica Biel. But it's also the film Eugene Novikov said: "is a droll and witty delight, a superb showcase for its cast, and a return to fine form for The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert director Stephan Elliott, who last turned in the unsettling but incomprehensible Eye of the Beholder nearly 10 years ago." Buy it. Also on Blu-ray.

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Grace
I can't say it better than Eric D. Snider, who said: "If you are the sort of person who might enjoy an effed-up gore-fest about a woman who delivers an undead baby, you can rest assured that Grace lives up to its potential." Also, it's "the most effective anti-procreation stories ever told." Rent it. Also on Blu-ray.

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Also out: Deadgirl, Fame, Michael Jackson: Never Surrender, Knights of Bloodsteel, Mail Order Bride, Next Day Air, Blood & Bone, The Desert Within, Bodyguard: A New Beginning, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Collection, Rest Stop: The Collection

The Criterion Collection releases two new DVDs today, two movies with nothing much in common. They were originally released in theaters almost exactly fifty years apart, in 1941 and 1991. One is an elegant, period romance set during the Napoleonic Wars, and the other is a gritty, modern-day urban cop story. The only thing I can think that makes them kindred spirits is their endings. I can see the two heroes, played by Vivien Leigh in the former and Joe Mantegna in the latter, sitting together at the end of their tales. They're both staring off into space, thinking about what an odd hand life has dealt them, thinking about what lies ahead, if anything. The cop looks over at the lady. "What's your story?" he asks. She might respond, "I used to be somebody." And he might retort, in a New York accent, "Tell me about it."

And maybe she would. Lady Hamilton would tell her heartbreaking story, as seen in That Hamilton Woman (1941), starting life as a lower class nothing on the grim streets of London, but meeting the son of an ambassador and looking forward to the good life. But she discovers that the son is deeply in debt and has "given" her to his father, Sir William Hamilton (Alan Mowbray), a collector of beautiful things. They marry and she becomes "Lady Hamilton," and she begins to enjoy her social life, until a weary soldier, Lord Horatio Nelson (Laurence Olivier) happens into her palatial home, asking for aid in the war against Napoleon. Her husband hems and haws, but Lady Hamilton uses her friendship with the Queen to get Lord Nelson what he needs without delay. From there, the married Lord Nelson and the married Lady Hamilton slowly form a passionate, centuries-spanning, heartbreaking illicit romance. A romance to end all romances.

Crank: High Voltage (Two-Disc Special Edition)
With Gamer out in theaters, the mini-debate about Neveldine and Taylor -- mad geniuses of action cinema or destroyers of all that is visually coherent? -- can continue. Never-say-die Chev Chelios (Jason Statham) comes roaring back to life for another adrenaline-fueled adventure, accompanied once again by the very game Amy Smart. It's the only new mainstream film out on DVD today, so be prepared to fight like a dead man if you want to rent a copy at your local shop. Also on Blu-ray. Rent it.

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Valentino: The Last Emperor
Why not try something a little more refined, a little more elegant, a little more ... Valentino? The legendary fashion designer himself is showcased in Matt Tymauer's doc, and by all accounts he's a charismatic, charming personality. In other words, no need to fear if you feign little interest in fashion; the film is more interested in listening to Valentino talk than in delineating the vagaries of changing styles, which may help explain why it became a box office success. Also on Blu-ray. Rent it.

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The Quick and the Dead
Sharon Stone got the lion's share of the attention during the film's original 1995 release, but her star billing could not eclipse the burning talents of young Leonardo DiCaprio and Russell Crowe, not to mention the villainous Gene Hackman and the incredible supporting cast, including Gary Sinise, Pat Hingle, Lance Henriksen, Keith David, and Tobin Bell (the future Jigsaw). It all hangs on the ferocious, audacious direction by Sam Raimi. New on Blu-ray. Buy it.

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Indies on DVD, more Blu-ray picks, and Collector's Corner -- all after the jump!