I hardly have to explain why I'd go fetch this one from the vaults, since it's the only known anecdote for 10,000 BC. Roland Emmerich certainly hasn't lost his delicate touch, has he? I feel the pain of people who had ten year old sons and thus were dragged into it. You get force marched through the tundra for what seems like hours only to arrive at the Pyramid of the Fancy Boys. And the only real diversion besides 3 minutes of saber-toothed tiger, are those devil-ostriches. After I got out, I couldn't wait to have a look at director/writer Carl Gottlieb's satire of the all-purpose caveman movie. Unfortunately, I never saw Caveman back in the day, despite the high-spirited tagline on the posters: "Back When You Had to Beat It Before You Could Eat It!" I think the reason I skipped it was because of all the genial oafs I knew who kept quoting the dinosaur poop joke in the film. They are there, alright, but happily it's only a tiny part of the comedic inanity set in "One Zillion Years BC...October 9."

I don't usually do this sort of thing, but I'm making an early prediction that Roland Emmerich's 10,000 B.C. will be a big-time laugh riot. Those of you who are familiar with Emmerich's output will know what I mean by that, but here's a clarification for the rest of you: Roland Emmerich's 10,000 B.C. is not a comedy. It is, however, a potentially hysterical and pre-historical action-adventure that features mammoths, sabre-toothed tigers, giant ostriches (I think), and a lead couple who look like they just fell out of the Flintstones' equivalent of Bath & Body Works. (Did they have shampoo, mousse and mascara in 10,000 B.C.?)

The thing looks a lot like the result of a conversation that began with the question "What would Apocalypto look like with Steven Strait (as D'Leh), Camilla Belle (as Evolet) and a bunch of freaky-big creatures in it?" And I'm guessing the person who posed that question is an Austrian named Harold Kloser. After composing the score for about 40 films (including Emmerich's The Day After Tomorrow), Mr. Kloser decided to write his first screenplay. And 10,000 B.C. is it. Anyway, head on over to CHUD.com for their exclusive peek at the brand-new trailer. (You really gotta see it to believe it. I kept waiting for Ringo Starr and Barbara Bach to show up!)

10,000 B.C. hits theaters on March 7, and considering that Roland Emmerich is sort of like Uwe Boll with a budget (yeah, I said it), I'm predicting that the flick turns out to be one of 2008's funniest comedies. Either way, surprisingly good or outrageously (hilariously) awful, I have to see this movie.

So it's no big surprise that the 1966 sci-fi classic Fantastic Voyage is headed for a remake. Back in August, Scott had given us the news that Roland Emmerich had signed to not only produce, but direct a big-budget update for 20th Century Fox. Empire Online recently sat down with Emmerich to chat about what he might have planned for his update. As it turns out, it's still going to be the same story about a team of scientists who are miniaturized and then injected into a dying man to save his life -- but with a few minor changes. Emmerich tells Empire, " I said why have you put this in the future? I said let this happen now. It's so much more cool and fun when we can say to a normal person from now, 'well we're going to make you microscopic and put you in some submarine which we will shrink down and you have to do this stuff inside a body.'"

As it turns out, Emmerich was attached to the film fifteen years ago, but later abandoned it to work on other projects. Later on, action heavyweight James Cameron had drafted a script, but according to Empire, Emmerich has since toned down some of the 'rah-rah' militarism in Cameron's version. Emmerich also lost Cameron's idea of an extra 'submarine' that Emmerich dismissed as being, "...like a Navy SEALS film". The bad news is that now The Wibberleys (Marianne and Cormac) are in charge of the re-write, and they are responsible for some truly lackluster flicks. Emmerich is currently wrapping up production on his latest epic, 10,000 BC, and Fox has plenty of films lined up before the strike hits, so I doubt Voyage will be receiving the rush treatment any time soon.

As Karina reported last fall, Warner Brothers thinks it's a brilliant idea to have Roland Emmerich direct an epic about "three stages in the development of primitive man." Huh? Sorry, I dozed off for a second there. Entitled 10,000 B.C., the movie "centers on a young tribal mammoth hunter at the dawn of modern man as he embarks on an epic journey through uncharted territory to secure the future of his dying tribe." Though Emmerich originally insisted that his cast was going to be filled with total unknowns via open calls, he's instead cast Camilla Belle and Steven Strait, a pair of kids who Warner's fervently hopes are about to explode into megastardom.

After playing small roles in about a billion things (including Poison Ivy II and an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger), Belle recently starred in the When a Stranger Calls remake. Strait, an ex-model (gee, that's a great start) who has made very few screen appearances, is currently filming Renny Harlin's The Covenant, in which he co-stars. Talented or not, rest assured that both of them will look damn good in torn animal skins. Really, isn't that all that matters?