I almost wrote up a fan rant this week about Paris Hilton. After a paragraph, I realized that I was stating the obvious and backed away from it all. See, she recently had an interview with MTV/VH1 where they actually noted that it was a "word-for-word" transcript in case you didn't believe it. The discussion started with Christine Lakin (her Nottie co-star) trying to explain what a primary was. Irk #1, not having the slightest clue about the political process -- and not even potentially remembering any bit of schooling I assumed she had. Why am I surprised? I don't know.

From there, it went through a bunch of b-s, and then we get to Irk #2. Farts came up, and when asked: "So, Paris, even when you're at home by yourself, you don't occasionally let one rip?" she responded with: "No! Girls don't do that. Ew." Oh yes, that's right. Our skin is always perfect, we never fart, we don't grow excess hair, and when we go to the bathroom, it's just to powder our noses, not to deal with anything unsightly. Good lord. Is it wrong of me to want to send over some flatulence fiends to torture her for days with dutch ovens?

Anyway... I need a little reassurance that the world isn't doomed when women like Paris are popular, so this double feature is about women who discover their brains and put them to good use. They're both blonde, and both have lots of success, so Paris, this is me hoping that there is still hope for you, and giving you a hint about where to start: a double feature of Clueless and Legally Blonde.

It's been a very long time since Alicia Silverstone was the girl on the tips of our tongues. After her Cryin' Amazing explosion into the world of media, she made men drool as The Crush and later became a cult phenomenon for her portrayal of Cher in Clueless. Unfortunately, her stint in Batman & Robin stunk of all kinds of offal, which put the kibosh on Silverstonian praise. She then Missed the Match and found herself acting in Scooby Doo 2, of all things. Granted, she also had a stint in the stage version of The Graduate with Jason Biggs and Kathleen Turner, but her portrayal paled in comparison to Katharine Ross'. Now, however, she's getting absolutely stellar praise for her onstage stint in David Mamet's Speed-the-Plow.

Believe it or not, her portrayal of Karen (a role originally played by Madonna) has been given such descriptors as "tour de force," "finds unexpected dimensions in Mamet's flat language as she amplifies and explicates, pouts and whines, in an extraordinary, uninhibited and totally adorable exhibition of verbal foreplay" and finally, "Silverstone's performance alone makes going to the play not only worthwhile, but, for Hollywood types, essential." While her co-stars have been told to tweak, she has seems to have shined. This is great news for the actress, and I can only hope that such glowing words will help lead her to better roles and more solid and impressive performances on-screen.