I could have stolen the more dubious headline from Fark.com, but I'd rather just acknowledge that site's ever-hilarious subbys. Plus, I wanted to get straight to the point. The Ukrainians love Jessica Simpson! Either that or they love Luke Wilson, Penelope Ann Miller or Andy Dick. All of these people star in the movie Blonde Ambition, which opened this past weekend in the Eastern European nation and shockingly claimed the #1 spot at the box office. With a gross of $253,008, it actually beat out also-opener Definitely, Maybe and has already out-done the Ukraine releases of Atonement, which has only made $237,481 in 5 weeks, and Alvin and the Chipmunks, which has brought in $235,158 in 9 weeks. People magazine got a quote from Box Office Mojo editor-in-chief Conor Bresnan regarding the news: ""The former Soviet nations have a sweet tooth for straight-up comedies. When these comedies have big name celebrities like Jessica Simpson's, that's all that's needed to sell the movie. Russian and Ukrainian audiences have an even bigger urge for escapism than Americans. So, films like Blonde Ambition will gross more than No Country for Old Men."

Hey, he's right! I can't find any listing for No Country for Old Men grosses in the Ukraine, but Russia and the CIS (Commonwealth of Independent States) do actually like Blonde Ambition a teeny bit better.. The Coen Bros. movie only took in $286,387 in its first weekend while Blonde Ambition grossed $302,531 during its opening. All of this is pretty amazing, considering the Simpson movie barely even received a theatrical release in the States, and even then it only had a per-screen average of $48. I won't go as far as imply that the Ukraine is weak -- as a Fark.com commenter did by linking to this Seinfeld clip -- but it can't be denied that they've got an interesting taste in movies.

It happens to movie fans all the time: You're watching a trailer for a movie that's almost inevitably a mindless piece of crap ... and wait, who was that? Holy moley, is that Bill Murray doing the voice of Garfield? (Twice?!?!) Jesus, what is Christopher Walken doing in The Country Bears? And, more recently, holy crap is that Jason Lee AND David Cross in this Alvin and the Chipmunks movie? What planet am I living on? (Mr. Lee also did Underdog this year, so he might be beyond salvation.)

See, movie fans are a possessive lot. Because we're used to seeing Bill Murray and Christopher Walken in GOOD movies, and we're well aware that guys like Jason Lee and David Cross are way too cool to become "sellouts," right? As if it takes a genius to assume that the material in Alvin and the Chipmunks is "beneath" David Cross, right? Unfortunately, comedy fans, not every project can be Arrested Development -- but that hasn't stopped a whole lot of David Cross "fans" from bashing the guy for co-starring in a movie about animated chipmunks.

I guess those fans would respect Mr. Cross more if he ONLY took movies that were 'worthy' of his talents -- but really, an actor is a human being. And human beings gotta eat. Anyway, Mr. Cross took the trouble to post a fairly fascinating blog entry on the situation, and here's the passage I found most illuminating: "It was a little more than I had budgeted for [ a new home] but it was definitely worth it. I asked the owner if he'd take some of my credibility as payment. He looked at me as if I was an alien with A.I.D.S. speaking some intergalactic gobbledy-goo. I had to patiently explain to this country bumpkin about my indie hipster cred, and I would now like to cash it in. This rural rube was so backwards and ignorant that he couldn't even conceive of how financial markets work and simple free market capitalism. I tried again to explain the concept of the value of "credibility" and "artistic integrity" but he refused to take it in exchange for the house. This guy was a f***ing idiot! But what could I do? He wouldn't take no for an answer. If I wanted that cottage I would have to pay him money. Sigh. So I used my "Alvin and the Chipmunks" money to pay for the down payment."

"When I was growing up, my favorite Christmas memory was the Alvin and the Chipmunks Christmas record -- you know what I'm talking about? "Christmas, Christmas time is here. ..." You remember that song? My brother and I had it on LP, and we would play it on the slooooowest speed possible on the record player. So then, it sounded like four normal monotone guys just singing this boring Christmas song and then this demon from the ninth level of traitors and murderers screaming at them ..." -- Patton Oswalt, Feeling Kinda Patton

The enduring popularity (or, at least, the enduring familiarity) of Alvin and the Chipmunks can be explained by either the public's affection for innocent whimsy and charm or a perfectly-executed marketing plan that stretches back over four decades. Originally created in the '60s by songwriter Ross Bagdasarian, The Chipmunks were a fictional trio of singing mammals whose novelty recordings were immediately and strangely popular. In reality, The Chipmunks were a minor feat of engineering -- Bagdasarian would sing at half-speed, and when played back double-speed, his voice would be a full octave higher at normal tempo. It's a fairly cheap trick, and yet it resulted in a band -- or, rather, a brand -- that endured long enough to re-record Cheap Trick, on the 1981 album Chipmunk Punk. Thanks to the work of Ross Bagdasarian, Jr. and the entertainment industry's never-ending quest to turn old ideas into new money, The Chipmunks have been featured in music and animation virtually non-stop since their debut. Now, 20th Century Fox Animation has given us a new iteration of the Chipmunk saga, and the result is a surprisingly good-natured kid's film -- which, phrased less delicately, is a nice way of saying that Alvin and the Chipmunks did not make me want to die after I saw it at a 10:00 AM press screening whose audience was seemingly made entirely of screaming babies talking on their cell phones.

As most of us predicted, The Golden Compass took the number one spot, but didn't do nearly as well as expected. Compass was the only new release last week, so the rest of the top five was filled out by movies that have been around for a bit. Fred Claus was in its fifth week but still managed to cling to the number four spot and Enchanted still held onto second place despite having been in its third week of release. Here's the final tally:

1. The Golden Compass: $26.1 million.
2. Enchanted: $10.7 million.
3. This Christmas: $5 million.
4. Fred Claus: $4.7 million.
5. Beowulf: $4.4 million.

After a couple weeks of an anemic release schedule, we've got three films going into wide release, covering the genres of family comedy, science fiction/horror and romantic comedy.

Alvin and the Chipmunks
What's It All About: Jason Lee stars as a struggling song writer whose tunes finally become successful when sung by a trio of talking chipmunks.
Why It Might Do Well: There's definitely a market for family oriented comedy around the holidays, and yes the little buggers are really cute.
Why It Might Not Do Well: Disease riddled mutants will probably keep the chippers out of first place, but they should hit their target demographic and take home the silver.
Number of Theaters: 3,300
Prediction: $16 million

I Am Legend
What's It All About: Richard Matheson's classic horror novel is brought to the screen for the third time. This time around, Will Smith stars as Robert Neville, the last surviving human in New York City. A global plague has mutated the remainder of the population, but Neville struggles to find a cure for the plague using his own blood.
Why It Might Do Well: Smith can certainly bring them in at the box office. I suspect this will be the number one film next week.
Why It Might Not Do Well: Similarities to 28 Days Later may put some people off and some may see this as just another zombie movie. In fact, Matheson's novel served as an unofficial inspiration for Night of the Living Dead, so rather than being a Johnny Come Lately, I Am Legend is where the zombie formula began.
Number of Theaters: 3,500
Prediction: $38 million

Although I generally prefer my wings with hot sauce and blue cheese, we're looking at a different type of wing here. This week we're looking at movies that are joined together by the common theme of winged creatures, so one might say we're Just Winging It.

Valkyrie
I'm not sure if the Valkyrie's of Norse mythology had wings of any kind, but whenever I hear the name I always picture the Marvel Comics character Valkyrie who was known for riding a winged horse. Anyway, this new flick from Bryan Singer (director of the first two X-Men movies and Superman Returns) looks awesome. Tom Cruise stars as Colonel Claus von Stauffenberg, a German officer at the heart of a conspiracy to overthrow Hitler's regime and assassinate the dictator. Knowing that the plot is doomed to fail adds a sense of tragedy to the whole thing, as does the fact that this based on a true story. Kenneth Branaugh and Terrence Stamp also star. Here's Erik's take on the trailer.

Alvin and the Chipmunks
I know, Chipmunks aren't winged creatures, but flying squirrels sort of are and it's not a huge leap to... Oh come on, work with me, people. After the absolutely dreadful teaser trailer (click here to share my pain) that dropped a few months ago (you have only moments to sell us on your film and you give us a poop eating joke?) this full length trailer looks surprisingly less awful. I'm not saying it looks great, but it made me laugh a few times and yeah the little buggers are kind of cute. Jason Lee plays Dave Seville, a down on his luck songwriter who happens upon three talking squirrels whose singing voices make his otherwise crappy songs palatable. This one is coming out right before Christmas, so I'm betting we'll be hearing the classic Chipmunks Christmas song along with the covers of pop tunes you can hear them sing in the trailer.

I think we all know that Ratatouille will win the 2008 Oscar for Best Animated Feature. So, do we really need to waste time nominating others? Yesterday, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences named 12 movies eligible for the award, a shortlist that will eventually be pared down to three finalists when the Oscar nominees are announced in January. Had there been at least 16 eligible animated films this year, the number of nominees would be five, but with only 12, the category will only see three contenders. What could they be? Certainly Ratatouille will be one of them, and it's my guess that Persepolis and Surf's Up (the Academy loves penguins) will be the ones to join the Disney/Pixar sure-thing. I'm on the fence about Beowulf, especially after reading Scott's praise this morning, but I think it has a good chance of eventually being disqualified from being nominated. There's some debate already about whether or not it is technically an animated film. Another movie I have doubts about is Alvin and the Chipmunks, which seems to be primarily live-action. Last year, Arthur and the Invisibles ended up out of the race due to its own matter of having too much live footage.

The full list of animated features: Ratatouille; Persepolis; Shrek the Third, which should be the first of its series to not get a nomination; The Simpsons Movie, which the Academy should deem too television for its award; Bee Movie, which would only get a nomination if the Academy needed Seinfeld to attend the ceremony -- and hopefully it doesn't; TMNT (aka Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles); Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters; Alvin and the Chipmunks; Beowulf; Meet the Robinsons; Surf's Up; and Tekkonkinkreet, a Japanese film by American director Michael Arias, which could be a dark horse if Persepolis wasn't the favorite for the necessary foreign animated selection. I'm not sure why Happily N'Ever After was excluded, but I guess it wouldn't have a chance anyway. What do you think should win, or at least make the nomination round?

Alviiiiin! Ah, there's just something about seeing Alvin, Simon and Theodore sing Funkytown that just brings me back to my childhood, sitting at home with nothing else to do but watch those old Alvin and the Chipmunks cartoons. The first trailer for the new, updated version of Alvin and Chipmunks has just arrived over on Moviefone and -- I dunno -- it made me chuckle. Then again, I'm a sucker for these damn chipmunks. Not to mention the hilarious Jason Lee will play David Seville; the chipmunk's (father? owner? slave?). The trailer is more of a teaser than anything else; it starts off with stock footage of what looks to be Beatles mania, followed by some '70s hippie scenes and then a little '80s dance party. All the while a voiceover tells us how "they" captivated the world only to disappear out of the blue. But now they're back ... and jamming like never before. David Cross, Cameron Richardson and Jane Lynch also star, and the film was directed by Tim Hill. Alvin and the Chipmunks will once again take the world by storm on December 14. Look out!

With Michael Bay's Transformers pulling in Daddy Warbucks dollars at the box office, it's inevitable that we'll soon be seeing a flood of films based on cartoons making their way to theaters. The question is: Will we be treated to quality adaptations of cartoons that actually do lend themselves to the big-screen treatment ... or will we have to endure a two-and-a-half-hour "epic" entitled My Little Pony: At World's End?

As it happens, studios are already answering this question, with a bevy of 'toon-based films set to hit cineplexes this year and in the not-so-distant future. First, after years of speculation and anticipation, The Simpsons Movie lands in theaters July 27. Then in August Jason Lee lends his voice to a live-action Underdog movie (he's the superheroic dog), and in December he pops up again (in human form this time) as David Seville in the live-action/animation hybrid Alvin and the Chipmunks. And next summer, the Wachowski bros. will try to spin cinematic gold out of Speedracer, starring Emile Hirsch and Christina Ricci (sorry, no Jason Lee this time).

Also on the horizon is a live-action CGI Thundercats flick, in which Lion-O and an army of humanoid cats (yes, you read that correctly) battle the evil sorcerer Mumm-Ra on a planet known as Third Earth. And last but not least is a real gem for the true cartoon aficionado: a live-action movie based on the Japanese anime 'toon Voltron, about five rebels who battle evil using robotic lions that unite to form one giant ass-kicking robot warrior (Voltron) when the individual lions inevitably get thrashed.

That's about it as far as upcoming cartoon-based film. Which other cartoons would you love to see made into movies? Personally, I'd love to see a crossover mash-up of two different 'toons, Alien vs. Predator-style. I mean, who wouldn't line up to see SVGB: Smurfs vs. Gummy Bears?

After seeing the new poster for Alvin and the Chipmunks, I just have to start off by asking, "What the hell has happened to the Chipmunks"? The Movie Blog now has the first look at the one-sheet for the CGI and live action update of Ross Bagdasarian's (a.k.a. David Seville) original creation, and while I'm up all for modernization (they were created in the 50's after all), I can't help but wonder why they decided to outfit the trio in thug wear. For God's sake, Simon is wearing what looks like a kangol.

Bagdasarian first debuted the Chipmunks all the way back in 1958 under the original name David Seville and the Chipmunks. At the time, he had already made a name for himself as the composer of a few novelty hits in the 50's including The Witch Doctor -- you can even hear an inkling of the Chipmunk voices to come in the "ooh ee ooh aah aah" portion of that song. Eventually, a cartoon was based on the "group" (The Alvin Show) and Alvin and the Chipmunks was born. There was also a cartoon series that was created in 83' and ran until 1991 -- although I think most of us could have done without the Chipettes.

Back in March, Monika broke the unfortunate news for Jason Lee fans that he had joined the cast as the put-upon manager/father David, who is for some inexplicable reason the guardian of three singing rodents. The movie was directed by Tim Hill, who you might remember was also responsible for Garfield -- and that really isn't making me feel better about the whole idea. Since this is a family film, it's no surprise that Fox has chosen December 14th as a release date -- tis' the season for family fare. Considering what they've done to the Chipmunks' appearance, I can only imagine what they have planned for Christmas Don't Be Late.

Oftentimes Hollywood's lack of originality leads to overexposed trends. Remember when every action movie seemed to be easily defined as 'Die Hard on a ...'? Remember when disaster movies were all the rage? And then twenty years later when they were all the rage again? Remember when there were like a hundred body-swapping comedies? Well, there appear to be fewer trends these days, or maybe it's just that Hollywood turns trends into full-blown practices, as in the case of sequels, comic book movies and fantasy films based on literary franchises. Nowadays even a promised trend, like the one involving religious Passion of the Christ copycats, isn't necessarily going to happen. But despite there being so few here-today-gone-tomorrow film fads, there's at least seven bad ideas currently in vogue in Tinsel Town, and all of them need to disappear soon, lest they too become permanent.

1. Torture Porn

I'm going to start with an easy, surely obvious one. Torture porn is the latest trend in horror, a genre that changes its predominant style every few years, and it may be the most despised -- at least by us non-horror junkies. I miss the days when a friend, an actual junkie, could drag me to a harmless scary movie that provided a few screams, a few laughs and afterward, at the most, a few silly nightmares. Now, with each new horror movie there's promise of a seriously depressing experience. After watching The Hills Have Eyes, I realized I hadn't been frightened at all. Instead I wanted to cry my heart out. I haven't been to a horror flick since, and my friend is going solo. Sure, I hear that Eli Roth's movies are a lot more enjoyable than watching a young woman raped while watching her father burned alive and her mother raped and then shot in the head, but I just haven't been in the mood to find out.

Apparently the torture porn trend is already on its way out. Hostel II performed poorly at the box office and Captivity may have peaked too soon, reaching maximum tastelessness before even opening in theaters. So what will be next? I'm rather looking forward to when slasher movies are in fashion again, when I can delight in seeing sinful human beings killed off quickly and deservedly by an implausible maniac. Which brings me to the next trend ...