AmityvilleHorror Tagged Articles at Cinematical

At this point, touting any horror movie as 'based on a true story' or 'inspired by true events' or however you phrase it serves to me as an indication that "we didn't think this was scary enough, but we want the gulliable teens to buy tickets" -- a marketing tactic which occasionally backfires (my younger brother knocked the plausibility of The Strangers on this count, but if they DIDN'T say it... would it have been a scarier film? How about a successful one?).

Regardless, The Haunting in Connecticut -- starring Virginia Madsen, Martin Donovan and Elias Koteas -- appears to be following in those footsteps, with first a poster and then a trailer purporting that this tale of a family tormented in their new home with a mysterious past is at least fact-based(-ish). (Why, yes, you're correct in thinking that they already remade The Amityville Horror.)

Throw in a bunch of loud noises, and you've got yourself a probably PG-13 one-weekend wonder that was shot in 2007, but won't get dumped in theaters by Lionsgate (without press screenings, natch) until 2009. In fact, I'm willing to bet that it'll land somewhere between next Feburary (in the wake of other teen-targeting horror fare of The Unborn -- which actually looks creepy, if familiar -- and The Uninvited and My Bloody Valentine 3D and Friday the 13th) and maybe next April, before hitting DVD just in time for Halloween renters to settle for anything vaguely supernatural on the 'new release' wall.

Or, who knows, it could be good; if it takes proving me wrong to do that, I've eaten feet for less. (True story.)

One of my very favorite topics of film-related conversation would have to be that of the infamous "horror remake." Could be a J-horror re-imaganing, a revisit with truly classic material, or a quick-buck PG-13 junkpile that shames the name of its predecessor. (Heck, I posted a similar article last March, and I even went as far as to bang out a master list of horror remakes at my very own website!) Well, apparently the movie geeks over at Premiere.com are also big time horror nerds as well, because they've just posted their list of the 15 Best Horror Remakes.

OK, having just perused their 15 choices, I gotta say: I know it's got to be hard coming up with 15 really good horror remakes, but jeeeeez. Just lower it to a Top 10 and get The Fog, The Amityville Horror and 13 Ghosts OUTTA there. And ... am I on crack or did the Premiere squad neglect to mention Cronenberg's The Fly AND Carpenter's The Thing??? I mean, good job on throwing some love towards The Blob, Dark Water and the 1978 version of Body Snatchers, but come on! You guys omitted the two best horror remakes ever made!!!

(I'll include their full list after the jump, just to incite some discussion, but definitely check out the Premiere article before you dive in, you crazy gorehounds, you.)

So far the company known as Plantium Dunes, which is run by flashy director dude Michael Bay, has produced three movies: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Amityville Horror and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning. Ah, and they have The Hitcher due in two weeks. That's three remakes and a prequel to a remake ... which I don't really count as an "original" concept.

But according to Bloody-Disgusting.com, Bay and producing partner Andrew Form have a nasty thriller on the way called The Horsemen. In this one, Dennis Quaid will play a detective gone sour after his wife's untimely demise, only to come across some terror of truly "biblical" proportions. (Hint: The (Four) Horsemen ... of the Apocalypse?) Quaid's the man, of course, and the story sounds pretty nifty, but The Horsemen was written by the guy who did Doom and directed by the guy who helmed the patently unwatchable Spun ... so this one's a total crap-shoot. But at least it's not a remake. Plus they got Zhang Ziyi to co-star, and that's always a smart thing to do.

Also on the Platinum docket are something "brutal" called Alone, that oft-discussed remake of The Birds and ... absolutely no chance of another Texas Chainsaw Massacre entry. Which is just fine by me.

[Previous report by Marky B. is accessible right here.]