It may not be Brutal Deluxe, but are you ready for Rambo and Terminator, Bollywood style?

Okay, they're not headlining a Bollywood feature together, but The Sunday Times reports that Sylvester Stallone is starring with Ashkay Kumar and Kareena Kapoor in a new Hollywood-centric Bollywood film called Incredible Love, one that has Arnold Schwarzenegger popping up in a part. The story focuses on "an Indian stuntman who takes Hollywood by storm but cannot find true love there." Oh, the woes of stuntdom. It's a lonely life.

Arnie is said to "feature in the production," which I imagine will be a cameo in between his busy political life -- do some politicking here, smack down a couple of baddies there... And, this shouldn't be too difficult, since the Bollywood film is going to be shot at Universal Studios in Hollywood.

So, it's not some big duo flick, but at the very least, we've got both of them in a stunt-themed movie. I can only hope this won't just be a boring cameo for Arnie, and that the pair can tap into their '80s muscle-men mentality together and show the stuntman some real moves.

In 1988, sprinter Ben Johnson exploded out of the blocks and powered his way to the finish line in the 100-meter dash at the Seoul Olympic Games, easily defeating a somewhat embarrassed Carl Lewis, who was heavily favored to win the race. It was a stunning television moment, a study in contrast between the well-muscled, modestly-spoken Canadian and the brash and lean American. Within 24 hours, it was all over. Johnson tested positive for steroid use and Lewis was awarded the gold medal.

At the time, it seemed outrageous that someone would cheat at such a high level of competitive sports. Of course, that was very naive thinking, but it was my personal "aha!" moment, the first time that steroids entered my vocabulary. As Christopher Bell explains in his entertaining, surprising documentary Bigger, Stronger, Faster*, his "aha!" moment arrived when he learned that wrestling icons Hulk Hogan and Iron Sheik used steroids. Growing up in the 1980s, Bell idolized Hogan, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Sylvester Stallone, manly men who were well-oiled muscle machines, their physiques achieved through entirely natural means, hard work and exercise rather than drugs.

In Bigger, Stronger, Faster, a big hit at the Sundance Film Festival earlier this year, documentarian Christopher Bell takes a hard look at steroid culture and the bad rap it gets from mainstream America, tackling the Western obsession with body image. Clocking in just under two hours, Bell's sprawling overview deals with the impact of 1980's pop culture icons like Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone, then dives into the gritty details of steroid usage in sports and the recent congressional hearings where baseball players were reprimanded on national television.

Bell doesn't view the issue in black-and-white terms: His own brothers, featured in the film, continually use steroids to enhance their bodybuilding careers. Contrasting the personal with the political, Bigger, Stronger, Faster diagnoses a distinctly American malady. Cinematical spoke with Bell last week in New York, where Bigger, Stronger, Faster has been screening at the Tribeca Film Festival. The movie opens May 30.

Cinematical: The movie tackles a major issue that many Americans have strong opinions about, but it also has a personal component because of your family's story. What's it been like facing the growing public awareness of the film?

Christopher Bell: It's so rewarding to hear, "Hey, you made a good movie. Thanks for telling the truth." We haven't really been criticized or attacked by anybody. There was one woman at Sundance who really upset about 'roid rage, saying that we glossed over it. I think we actually explained it pretty well.

It was already pretty well known that Arnold Schwarzenegger would not be appearing in the next installment of the Terminator series, unless the filmmakers managed to get him to pop up in some silly cameo. Now, Empire Magazine has gotten Terminator Salvation: The Future Begins producer Moritz Borman to talk about exactly how, if at all, Schwarzenegger will figure into the new trilogy of films. "It's convenient that he [The Arnold Terminator] hasn't been built at this point of the story, as Arnold has more important things to do right now, but that doesn't mean he might not re-appear later in the trilogy," Borman says. He also claims that Schwarzenegger has been briefed about this project, stating that "He knows the material and is very supportive of what we're doing. There might even be hints of his character in this one."

That makes sense to me, but it does create some issues that will have to be solved in the future -- if Schwarzenegger suddenly becomes re-involved with the series five or six years from now, he'll be well into his 60s and won't look anything like his muscular self, so how will he factor in? Will he play some old Austrian scientist who creates the T800 line of Terminators and models them after his younger self? And how will the movies show us a T800 if that means showing us young Arnold? Actually, I think this wouldn't be a problem -- have you seen Terminator lately? The T800s in the future segments of that movie barely look like Arnold anyway. They look like Michael Myers, if anything, with big latex faces. Like Michael Biehn says, they were easy to spot as non-human.

Just like any other genre, the Christmas movie relies on a laundry list of tried and true formulas to get you into the theater, and some of them are becoming a bit tiresome. If you want to avoid getting suckered into watching the same old holiday schmalz-fest this year that you've seen the last ten years prior, and you're not sure how to go about it, take this list as my gift to you.

It Tries to Make the Nativity Dramatic

Movies that try to make a compelling drama out of the birth of Jesus Christ often hit a brick wall when they realize that there's really no story there. Sure, if you're a Christian the birth itself is a compelling moment -- key word being moment -- but there's nothing before or after that lends itself to the structure of modern drama. Witness the recent live-action drama, The Nativity Story, a horrid film that resorted to making Three Stooges of the Three Wise Men and creating entire absurd subplots about astrophysics in order to get around the fact that there's about five minutes worth of compelling material here to work with. Hopefully it will be a long, long time -- never, please -- before anyone makes this mistake again.

It's Called 'Jingle all the Way'

Seriously, let's all just agree on this one. There are many things that Arnold Schwarzenegger is suited for -- or was suited for around 1987 -- but one of them is not showering an audience with holiday merriment. The other day I was at Best Buy and the guy behind the counter actually tried to convince me that Jingle all the Way was a beloved classic that belonged in my DVD library. That's when I put on my glasses and took a closer look -- turns out the guy behind the counter was Sinbad. Enough said. Let's also point out that Turbo-Man seemed like just about the lamest toy since Tom Hanks trotted out that keyboard in Big that you had to play by dancing on the keys.

I wasn't planning to talk about the strike today, so I zipped by most of the news to find other things to write about. That is, until I came across a certain picture that inspired me to write about a few pieces of news that have stuck out. Forget about thoughtful people giving the strikers food and hot lattes. The big guns are coming in. One is an old arse-kicker-turned-politician, and the other is a modern-day Tank Girl.

Yes, this is all inspired by the picture to the right, which you can click on to see it in all of its awesome glory. That's Diablo Cody, current screenwriter extraordinaire, ready to kick some butt and take some names on the picket line. She posted the picture on her blog, and I can't help but wonder if this would all be over with if they just locked her in a room with all of the execs. If she needs some backup, she could always call in the Terminator, who is ready to be tagged into the fight.

Arnold Schwarzenegger is keen to get this strike wrapped up, according to Reuters, and has decided to get involved. He says: "I'm talking to the parties that are involved because I think it's very important that we settle that as quickly as possible, because it has a tremendous economic impact on our state." What exactly he plans to do remains to be seen. Discussions haven't gotten anywhere, so maybe he'll employ some smackdown tactics. Or maybe hypnosis? Political threats? Time-wasting discussion? Who knows.

Anyway, am I the only one who'd love to see an action movie starring Cody?

[Diablo news via Anne Thompson]

Would you like to see a movie in which Arnold Schwarzenegger and George Clooney unite against a genocidal African nation? How about a movie dealing with racial problems in the Sudan from the producer of Crash? Technically, you can see both movies in one with Darfur Now, a new documentary featuring the star power of the two actors mentioned and produced by co-star Don Cheadle, who was one of Crash's six producers.

Of course, if you're looking forward to Schwarzenegger and Clooney double-handedly kicking some Sudanese butt, or for Cheadle to head-up a multi-character drama focused on race relations within a society in denial, then you're sure to be disappointed. Still, the latter idea does closely describe Darfur Now. The film spotlights six individuals, some of whose stories directly inter-weave, who are affected by the tragedy in Darfur and have been successful at making a difference.

These individuals include Cheadle, an Oscar-nominated actor using his celebrity to draw attention to the issue, Adam Sterling, a 24-year-old waiter and activist urging Governor Schwarzenegger to sign a bill to keep California funds from investing in companies with interests in Sudan, and Luis Moreno-Ocampo, the Prosecutor of the International Criminal Court in The Hague, Netherlands. Then there's the ones actually situated in Darfur: Hejewa Adam, a woman whose baby was beaten to death by Janjaweed attackers who now fights in the Sudanese Liberation Army; Ahmed Mohammed Abaka, a displaced builder and farmer who now serves as a leader of a camp of 47,000 other displaced Darfurians; and Pablo Recalde, leader of the World Food Program in West Darfur.

I know I'm not completely in the minority with this, but I have to admit first off that I loved Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines. I really thought Jonathan Mostow did a great job delivering the action -- obviously not close to as good as James Cameron would have done, but better than many others could have. When it was revealed that a fourth Terminator was in the works, I hoped Mostow would be rehired for the gig. But I guess he's either doing something else (Swiss Family Robinson perhaps?) or for some reason he's not welcome back. According to CHUD.com, his replacement on the franchise may be McG, who I find to be one of the most annoying guys working in Hollywood these days. Really, though, I just hate on the guy because of his stupid name. I guiltily kinda enjoyed his two Charlie's Angels movies. Apparently, McG is currently in talks to take the helm of the sequel, for a pre-strike production start, but it isn't for certain that he'll get the job.

I'm sure many of you will probably be upset if McG officially signs on, even if you too just criticize him for his name. It could be the nail on the coffin for a lot of fans already nervous about the continuation of the storyline without any definite sign of Arnold Schwarzenegger, Linda Hamilton, Michael Biehn, Robert Patrick, Edward Furlong, Nick Stahl, Claire Danes or anyone else who has previously starred in the series. From what we've so far heard, it seems part 4 will focus on the post-apocalyptic period involving the war between the machines and John Connor's army. Everything else, regarding an Arnie cameo, or whatever, I'm still considering to be hearsay. Anyway, all I care about now is that at least Terminator 4 has been scripted by T3's Michael Ferris and John D. Brancato, a duo I'm sure are well-enough-versed in the Terminator universe to make this next installment interesting and worth seeing.

Another macho man has made the obligatory leap into the kiddie pool. This time it's Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson who has gone and starred opposite a child in this weekend's new release The Game Plan. Could it damage his potential for further tough guy roles? Does he care? He's already signed on to another kid friendly part in Witch Mountain, so perhaps he's no longer worried about audiences accepting him as a muscle man with attitude.

The Rock, like Vin Diesel before him, may have jumped the gun on doing a Disney family film before securing an iconic place next to Schwarzenegger, Stallone and other action hero types. His movie may therefore lack that necessary extreme between the character we associate with The Rock and the character he must take on for the movie -- like the type of contrast that made Kindergarten Cop so funny.

But there are worse things he could do. Other action stars and macho actors have made some pretty terrible mistakes that had nothing to do with working with kids, and many of these mistakes were career altering. Let's just hope Dwayne Johnson never has to suffer such ideas as these:


1. Junior (1994, Ivan Reitman)

For a macho guy, finding out you have a kid is domesticating, but finding out you're pregnant is emasculating. Nothing says an action hero has gone soft like giving him a bun in the oven, and it's no wonder that Arnold Schwarzenegger had difficulty maintaining his image in action movies for the next decade -- until Terminator 3. I'm certain that if The Rock tried doing a movie in which he's with child rather than with a child, he'd cause far more problems for his career. At least Schwarzenegger had just a few months earlier released True Lies, and fans likely held onto the hope he would be back on top one day.

Get your ass to Mars ... again. According to Moviehole, there's a new Total Recall movie in the works, but it is hard to really tell if it's to be a sequel or a remake. Apparently The Weinsteins have owned the rights to the original TR for years and they had plans to do a follow up. Then Spielberg's Minority Report happened. Huh? Aside from also being adapted from a Philip K. Dick story, MR has nothing to do with TR. Except that it was originally scripted by Ronald Schusett and Gary Goldman as Total Recall 2. Of course, the end result bears no resemblance to that draft, in which Tom Cruise's character was actually Arnold Schwarzenegger's Doug Quaid, the Precogs were mutated humans (from the Martian atmosphere) and all the action took place on Mars. Still, Moviehole claims Minority Report beat The Weinsteins to the punch and so this new Total Recall project will in fact be a remake.

Personally, I don't see how Minority Report keeps The Weinsteins from doing a sequel. Dick's story had no relation to his "We Can Remember It for You Wholesale", which was the inspiration for Total Recall, and really the movie makes no reference. Sure, Schusett and Goldman's idea for a sequel is no longer possible, but there is certainly other ways to do one. However, the fact that Schwarzenegger isn't exactly an actor these days also contributes to the problems with producing a sequel. Doing a follow up without him, though, would not be that surprising. In fact, it is particularly common with Paul Verhoeven movies to do a sequel without the stars of the first film (Hollow Man II; Robocop 3; Starship Troopers 2). At least Sharon Stone is interested in a Total Recall sequel. Certainly it would be more ridiculous to go the remake route, considering how popular Verhoeven's original was -- and still is.